Jessica's POV
It's down to the final round, we won 3 rounds and I hope we can win against Maria's gang. We all went out to eat and when I mean we, I mean every single person in all gangs are going out to eat. I sit next to the girls at a booth and the boys sit at the booth in front of us. Emily brings over my usual meal which is a whiskey burger with fries and a cup of coffee with one little drop of cream and 2 little spoons full of sugar.
"Thanks, Emily!" I say excited and the girls look at me like I'm crazy for ordering it before a dance-off. Emmett comes over and looks at me "Why the hell did you order a burger?" He basically yells at me and I can't fucking take jackasses anymore. I slam my hand on the table and glare at him with full rage. "Why the hell do you have to judge me!" I scream at him and he backs down. I eat the entire burger in 3 minutes and sip my coffee quietly. After that, I pay for everyone including the boys and I tip Emily with $150, mainly because I scared some of her customers.
We head back to the competition, I ride with Emmett because the girls and boys thought we should talk it out in the same damn car. Ugh! "So let's talk this out..." I say and he nods focusing on the road. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, okay, but you were judging me," I say and I huff annoyed. "Jess I wasn't trying to make you feel judged I was just worried you would throw up if you ate that much before your competition." He says still focusing on the road, we are only 5 minutes away now and I just want to jump out the car. "I'm sorry, you know everyone has been judging me my entire life so I just can't take it anymore," I whisper, but loud enough for him to hear me. He nods. We arrive and I get out of the car and walk into the building to meet up with the girls.
Maria's gang is up first they did a good job. She has excellent dancers and Maria and I are friends usually except when it comes to competitions. That's when we change from friends to competitors. Maria danced first then her girls, but one of the girls did it wrong and went too far ahead of the others, but they sold the whole dancing well. The second group of girls went and they messed up the first part of their choreography, one of the girls is falling behind and messing it up for them. The girl on the left keeps messing up and each group failed because of the girls on the left, except for the second to the last group the main girl didn't do very good mainly because she went ahead of both of the girls in the back. The last group of girls was the best other than Maria who danced first, but overall everyone did very well I know we won't fail, we can't fail. It's our turn now.
A few of the girls and I get ready for our turn and I stretch to prepare myself for fucking hell. You can do this Jessica... We start the dance and It seems like I forgot the choreography, but my body moves to the song and I let my body do its thing. I look at the boys and the other girls who are near Emmett and the boys have their mouths wide open. I smirk at all of them and we finish dancing. Next up is Brit and 2 others they dance perfect one of them fell a little behind, but it's okay we didn't fail the rest of the way of them dancing. The next group did very well and the last group di well. Everyone did so well and I'm so proud of everyone! I tackle the girls and hug them all tightly, the judges are currently talking about who will win and I am panicking.
I see Maria drinking a cocktail and I go over to her. "Hola chica," I say and she looks at me and smiles. "Hola cariño," she says and I hug her "Solo Quiero Que sepas Quien gana, seguimos siendo amigos," I say in Spanish to her and Emmett stand beside me totally not understanding a word I just said. "Por supuesto niña, ¿Quién es el delicioso a Tu Lado?" She says and I giggle at her comment. "Mi juguete, Jaja no, me ayudó an alejarme de mis padres," I say with a smile and she nods. "Maria this is Emmett and Emmett this is Maria, one of my friends," I say and they shake hands and talk for a little bit, by talking I mean to flirt with each other. The judges ring the bell meaning they made their decision. I scream and grab Emmett's hand and run over to the girls.
"The winner of this year's dance-off is...." the words fell out of their mouth and I just collapsed, It felt like someone just punched me. I fell into darkness, but before I did Emmett kept calling my name he sounded worried I wonder why.
Have you ever felt lost? I mean truly lost? Like you don't know what to choose for life or you don't know how to feel about someone or something? It always starts off as very small and then it grows and grows and grows until it's so big that if you have one more tiny little thing happen it will set you off like a firework. You just completely lose it. Everyone around you disappears and you can't breathe the only thing holding you together is your thoughts on not to end it, you get so dizzy that you start to throw things and scream. You have no control anymore and then you just sink into nothing, you forget who you really are and what you stand for as a person. You continue to fake being happy and smile so big, yet the only thing you want to do is escape and never come back to a world where you can't fucking do anything, but think and think and then overthink and then think more and more until you finally BREAK! Then you keep the act up for more days and more weeks and even months or years. Why? Why must we keep up this act like we are the happiest people in the entire world when in reality we are breaking down and you can't breathe and you can't, you can only find the way to keep it all closed up. Even if it breaks you, even if you get hurt more than a million times over and over like the voices in your head aren't enough of a punishment, but to add the voices of others around you telling you, you're nothing and worthless and that you should just go kill yourself because you don't belong. Tell me? Does it hurt? Does it sting? I wouldn't know because I never felt this way until a year ago. Are fairytales just dreams created to make you believe them? Is it hope that people had, but could never actually receive? Every day I try to find a new answer to my questions, but I fail at actually answering the question because the question changes every second! Save me! Tell me! Help me! Breathe me! Speak to me! Go away! Don't tell me! Don't touch me! Don't come near me! You see all these things keep happening to me and I can't understand why. They keep coming back! They keep breaking me and breaking the chains and circling my brain! They are trying to destroy my very existence! They are trying to kill me! They want me to die, but I can't let them win! Please, someone, help me! Please give me a sign that I can make it through this!