People always ask me why I am always alone...Well, the answer is that i have nobody left. I am lonely and only my demons comfort me. Nobody is my Superman, he won't come and help me. Nobody can silence the demons inside my head because they will just move under the bed. No medicine can help me with any of this.
I remember when I was a little girl....
The first time I rode a bike. My parents had taken the training wheels off and I was off on my own down that big driveway and I slammed into a tree. My parents rushed over and I just laughed because I felt like I was free and I could fly.
Kara had helped me after that with all my accidents on bikes. I had more bruises and scars than anyone could count and it took so long to stop even getting them. Her memory is why I am still alive. Kara's house is mine, but i rarely use it. I let her close friends stay there when they need or want too. I rent it out to some people for little money and i have the maids and others live there. I know some of them don't have a home.
It's been a while since I went to the house dad died in. I decide to drive there and it took me about 3 hours because I moved apartments, I got a penthouse. I spend most of my nights in the office and sometimes mornings in the office and so I had a closet and a bed built into my office. I know dad used to work from home, but i don't have a home right now. Everyone thinks that i am working too hard or too much, but in reality, everyone is not working enough and they scared that I will gain more power in a little amount of time. Nothing I do or say will bring Kara back so people need to accept that I've moved on and i can handle things.
Superman.....The one guy who can save everyone? He can't save a broken heart that is shattered to the point of not coming back so don't give me that bullshit crap. I remember watching Supergirl and I fell madly in love with her because she was so like me, but she was just an actor who could play her part correctly. The actor who plays Superman I thought wow he's hot and totally amazing and someone like him will come and save me from danger. The classic child dream! IT'S ALL A FUCKING JOKE! There is no Supergirl or Superman! IT'S ALL FAKE!
It's been 5 years...I left Boston for a while...I am currently living in the sunshine state aka Florida. My nephew is now, I believe 7 years old and he is growing up so fast. I decided to buy a plane ticket to Boston to see them again. My plane leaves at 6 AM and it's 4 AM right now and I'm not sleeping tonight I guess. I feel arms wrap around me and I smile at my handsome god. "You should sleep, babe," Danny says and I groan. "No point my love," I say giggling. "I wish you would go with me..." I say sighing. "I bought a ticket," he says with a big smirk and hit him with my pillow. "You asshole! Why didn't you tell me?" I smack him harder with the pillow before he grabs it and pulls me to him and tickles me. "Danny stop please." I barely manage to get out of my mouth. "Tell me who's the best husband ever?" he says continuing to tickle me "You!" I scream out while laughing so hard. "Babe we should get packing since you refuse to sleep or we could do something else?" he says smirking. "mmm, I think I'll take a bath, care to join sexy?" I say with a smile. Oh right! I got married to my Handsome husband Daniel 3 years ago, i met him on a cruise and we just spent about 2 weeks with each other and then things just got heated. He is my Superman and i realize that now, as for the guy claiming to be my dad well he is my dad and I had DNA tests done.
He is living with a new wife and they have a baby son, he's 4 months and so cute, his name is Charlie and he has the pure blue eyes that are way too beautiful to be real! Mom found out about dad a few years ago and shocker...She didn't give 2 fucks about it. Rose was so happy to see him and have his hugs again. He met his wife a little while after my dad almost killed Freddy for being an ass. I visit Kara rarely, but I know she is okay, she is safe now. Lukas was fucking that blonde slut who I beat.....She had 4 kids with him, safe to say divorce isn't gonna end well with him...Daniel and I are living in a pretty small house and I still run dad's business, but I do it from Florida. I haven't seen my friends in a few years, but that will change soon.
I snuggle up to Daniel in the first class bed. It's a 6-hour flight and i really want to stay with him forever. We got married in secret because I didn't want anything fancy and he doesn't really have a family at least not that I know of. I peck his cheek and go to use the restroom. I decide to write when i finish using the bathroom, I take out my laptop and open up a new document and start to type...
I used to think the stars danced with the sky and then I realized they don't they just shimmer against the water to create such an amazing feeling. You just can't help but look at it and say wow. I never really had a true friend who could understand me, who could see me for who I was deep down. I gave up on making friends until I reached high school and then I just sprinted for the finish line of being able to graduate and have people to look up too and around me I used to have X's on everyone's faces because I didn't want them to be near me so I pushed people away and i hurt people and I let myself be consumed with darkness instead of the light. I kept pushing and pushing until I fell off the cliff and spiraled into depression. I kept thinking that if I kept people away I wouldn't get hurt i kept thinking if i hurt them first they won't hurt me back, but in reality, I was just hurting myself, I was hurting myself....Now I think i need to push others away again I need to let the darkness consume me again and keep me from being a toxic person and friend, so I pick a fight and I let it boil until I leave them or they leave me, this time it was me leaving them. I am better off alone...I can let myself be suicidal again so that way I have a reason to keep fighting to live.
I stopped being suicidal for almost a week now and it's been different I have no negative energy flowing off me I have fewer worries and less stress, but I am exhausted and filled with nothing but sadness. I am going to die in a year and it won't be an accident it will be on purpose I will die at my own hand and it won't be anyone's fault but my own. I don't want anyone to blame themselves for my choice and I won't allow it, so I wrote clues in my stories, but I'm guessing nobody read them word for word sentence by sentence instead they looked at it and never gave it another thought. I am the forgotten and the one who isn't useful who tried to be, but never could actually succeed so i lay in my bed all day wondering what life has to hold and I watch Netflix imagine the entire scene as my own life to make me understand that there will be a good life for me if I actually try. I have friends who let me trust them and I let them trust me, but sometimes I have to break that trust because I can't let them in and I don't tell them everything because if I did then the truth behind my mask will be broken and I'm not dealing with that. So I am going to shut them out, I will let the darkness consume me again, I will let the depression in.
I stop writing when Daniel wakes up and I shut my laptop and smile slightly at him, but there is a deep sadness within me that I cannot seem to let go of. I remember high school and how much hell i went through everything fell apart again and I lost people I loved and who trust me and trusted them.....I ruined that because I was stupid...I still keep their secrets and I still see their photos on Instagram and what they do now. honestly, they are better off without me. I am worthless and stupid, I wasted time.
I used to think that if I tried hard enough I would be able to please and help everyone I needed too. I was a broken child with a past that I let define me, but now I don't let my past be who I am, I am the girl who will change the world little by little and I will succeed and strive for it. I will not stop until the world has changed at least a little bit, my sister isn't alive to do it so I will. I have a lot of truth inside me and I will let the truth be known to the world very soon because I believe that I can and I know that I will, no matter what people say or even try to stop me I will do this my way and won't let anyone get in my way. This isn't for me it's for Kara my dearest sister who has died and it's my fault, but her dreams live on with me.
Daniel's POV
Lacy still doesn't sleep, she prefers to write than sleep and it honestly bothers me because I wake up to her smiling at me with such sad eyes and I feel so guilty and like it's my fault...I keep trying to help her, but she pushes me away so I give her some space. I think it's about Kara she misses her so much and I know I would have loved her sister if I had met her, but I didn't get too and it pains me to see my beautiful girl in pain. I pull her onto the bed and hold her close. "I'm here for you," I whisper in her ear and she lets me hold her. I don't know if she is gonna cry or not, but if she does I'll continue to hold her tightly and not let go until she is all better. I'm no superman, but I can try my damn hardest to be one for her. I love her. I haven't told her yet, but I have family in New York...They don't like me, I was adopted by this family because they needed a child to show off even though they had Nick who was now a businessman and who makes out with his wife 24/7.