ANNA
Anna had just under a week left in San Diego before flying to Madrid. A few days to pack her whole life in just two suitcases. It seemed surreal.
When she moved out of the old house, she may have already known then that she was not going to stay in San Diego for much longer. She chose to move into a small studio apartment and did not purchase any big furniture. It made it that much easier to pack though, the only things that she needed her mom to keep were the sentimental items.
Maria, Anna's mother, came over to help her daughter start packing. She was not happy that Anna decided to move so far away. How could she be happy to send her only child half way across the world? Maria only had Anna, whom she loved dearly. When Anna met Nico, she thought that was it – besides children, how much more perfect could her daughter's life be?
When Nico died, Maria cursed the very god she spent her whole life praising and praying to. How could he let that happen to her daughter? What has she done wrong in her life to deserve such suffering? It pained Maria to hear the wails of Anna, screaming in her nightmares, unable to escape them.
It was Maria who suggested to move out of the house and take a smaller apartment, though she did not envision a studio apartment. It helped Anna sleep more soundly at night, but deep down, Maria knew that she was not happy.
She hadn't seen Anna genuinely smile for a long time, until one day she brought up the idea of teaching abroad.
***
"Ma," Anna said, while chopping vegetables in her mom's kitchen. "What do you think about teaching?"
"Hmm? Teaching?" Maria said, sipping the soup she was stirring. "Why?"
"I...I thought about changing careers." Anna still hadn't stopped chopping.
Maria turned to her daughter, "You want to teach? Won't you have to go to school?"
Anna placed the knife down and wiped her hands with a towel, "No, not here. I was thinking abroad. I'll only need a certification, find a school, and apply for a visa – it's very doable."
Maria's shock was evident as she remained silent for quite a while. Abroad? Why would Anna need to go abroad?
"Wh-why do you need to go abroad?" Maria asked.
"I think...it'll be good for me." Anna stated, "Somewhere far, somewhere I can restart."
"Where?"
"There's a few countries I am hoping for, but I'd like to go to Spain."
"Spain." Maria echoed. "Honey, that's pretty far."
Then Anna smiled, and she smiled genuinely.
"Yes, but it's such a beautiful country and it'll be a good place to just start over." It was clear that there was nothing changing her mind.
Maria surrendered; as much as she would like to keep her daughter close to her, Anna was not a caged bird. Her happiness, no matter how far she may have to travel to find it, is the most important thing.
***
Anna opened the door for her mother and gave her a big hug before entering.
"Ah, thanks for helping me out Ma," Anna smiled.
"Tsk, who else is going to help you." Maria laughed. "So, what are we packing up first?"
"Mm, I think we can start with photos maybe? I want to keep the good ones at your house."
They started to take frames down from the walls and sift through Anna's work desk.
"What time do you fly out again, honey?" Maria asked out loud, looking through the boxes of documents.
"My flight leaves at seven o'clock," Anna answered.
"Okay, good - I just wanted to make sure I had it right. What do you want to do with these documents?"
"Oh," Anna stood up and ran around the corner and grabbed her little shredder, "Pile it up for me and I'll shred it."
Maria begun sifting through the box when she came across a pile of polaroid photos. They were tied together by a rubber band, and she had a sick feeling it was something that Anna may not want to see.
But, Anna saw her pull it out of the box.
"Ma," Anna quietly said, "Can I see them?"
Maria hesitated slightly, but eventually handed the wad of photos over.
Anna slowly took the rubber band out and turned the photos over to see them. Each slide was dated and had a little comment to describe where it was taken and what they were doing.
It had been a while since she came across a photo of her and Nico. For a while, she couldn't bear even hearing his name let alone seeing anything with his face. It felt like a painful stab straight through her chest, and she would have difficulty breathing.
But today, her eyes only welled a little, as she caressed the two dimensional remembrance of him. No painful chest feelings. It's not that she did not feel sad – she merely found a way to cope with her overwhelming feeling of mourning.
After all, she couldn't continue to live in the past – she will always love Nico, but it was time for her to move on.
"You okay, honey?" Maria carefully asked.
Anna wiped the small tears that formed in her eyes, "Yeah, let's put this in the pile for your house."
They spent the whole afternoon packing things for donation and by dinnertime, they had everything nearly put away.
"What would you like for dinner?" Maria asked, putting the last box in her car.
"Um -" Anna started, but was interrupted by a ping in her phone.
A text, from John.
Hey, what are you up to?
Just finished packing, what's up?
Wanna grab a bite to eat?
Sure! Where?
Tessa's, around seven?
OK, I'll see you then!
"Honey?" Maria said, "Do you want to grab some dinner?"
"Actually Ma, a coworker asked to grab dinner – let's have dinner tomorrow?" Anna hugged her mom and waved her goodbye.
When Maria's car was no longer in sight, Anna headed back to her apartment.
__________
JOHN
John had contemplated asking Anna out to eat all day.
At ten o'clock, he typed out a message asking if she would like to have brunch. Brunch? What kind of guy asks a girl out to brunch? He did not send it.
At twelve-thirty, he typed out a message asking if she would like to have lunch. Now? It was already twelve-thirty. She probably had lunch already! He did not send it.
At three o'clock, he typed out a message asking if she would like to have some ice cream. He slapped his forehead – he truly was scraping the bottom of the barrel. Ice cream? She lived half an hour away from him, why would she want to travel that far for ice cream? Obviously, he did not send it.
Finally at around five o'clock, he found the courage to just send a simple message.
5:02 - Hey, what are you up to?
It only took Anna a minute to respond, but that minute felt like a millennia to John. He held his breath the whole time, never leaving the thread afraid that he would miss her response and completely drop the ball in asking her to dinner.
5:03 - Just finished packing, what's up? Anna responded.
5:03 – Wanna grab a bite to eat?
5:04 – Sure! Where?
5:04 – Tessa's, around seven?
5:04 – OK, I'll see you then!
When Anna agreed to dinner, John had to read her text a few times before finally letting out a deep sigh.
Was it too forward?
Is Tessa's too casual? Or is it too formal?
What do I wear?
What time is it?
At six forty-five, John pulled in the parking lot and took a few minutes to collect himself. Why was he so nervous? It was just dinner with Anna.
With Anna. That was the issue – he had developed feelings for Anna over the past few months and tonight, he wanted to confess before she flew for Spain. Secretly, he hoped that by sharing how he felt, she would see it as an option for a new start and reconsider moving. The chances of that, however, were slim – he would know soon, but Anna's decision was firm and his feelings would not be reciprocated.
When he entered the restaurant, he was surprised to find that Anna was already sitting at their table.
Fuck, am I late?! He quickly looked at his watch. It was only ten minutes until seven, which meant Anna had arrived early.
"Hey," he lightly touched Anna's shoulder, "you got here so early. Sorry for making you wait."
Anna turned and smiled. John felt his heart race. "Oh, no not at all - I just stopped by the bookstore and decided to sit here and wait for you."
John nodded, trying not to meet her eyes too often. Lately, he would find himself loss for words when he'd look at her – it would be difficult for him to say anything cohesive tonight, given that Anna sat straight ahead of him.
"So, how's it going?" Anna said, putting away the book she was reading.
John couldn't help but admire her. Anna's dark, long, and wavy brown hair swayed to her motions flawlessly. Her light blue dress complimented the recent tan she got from working in her mom's garden. John did not miss the perfume she was wearing – it was the one he gave to her last year for her birthday.
"Uh, good," John managed to say, clearing his throat, "how was packing? Did you get everything...packed...up?" Here it was, losing his sense of vocabulary.
Anna smiled, and John's heart rate quickened, "Yeah, pretty much! The only things I'll need to get out of the way are the big furniture."
"Do you need help getting those out?" John secretly hoped she would say yes. Any reason to see her before she left would be a highlight to his day.
But Anna waved her hands and laughed, "No, no – don't worry, I arranged for some movers to come and collect them so they can brought to Habitat for Humanity."
"You're donating them?"
Anna nodded, "Yeah, I mean what use will I have for them? I don't want to sell them either – I rather donate it. Plus, with only a few days left I don't want to deal with negotiating prices with people."
Few days? John hadn't realized that she was leaving so quickly.
"When do you leave?" John sounded almost panicked.
"On Friday."
John nodded, "Listen, Anna -"
Suddenly, a lady showed up, "Hello, my name is Laura and I'll be your server tonight. Are we ready to order?"
"No."
"I'd like a drink, yeah"
John and Anna spoke at the same time. John's eyes widened – he hadn't meant to hastily dismiss the waitress.
Anna didn't hear John and continued to order, "I'll have a Long Island."
It seemed the waitress did not hear John either because she proceeded to scribble down Anna's order and turned to John for his.
John cleared his throat, "Old Fashioned, thanks."
"Great! I will be right back with your drinks," Laura chirped, turning her body slightly towards John. She had hoped that he would look her way, but he seemed engrossed with his date tonight.
As soon as the waitress was out of view, John turned his attention to Anna.
"So, you've got a place already in Madrid or...?" John smiled, trying to get a natural conversation going.
Anna, being blissfully unassuming of John's intent in asking her to dinner, happily obliged. "Yep! I have an apartment near the school."
"And is it just you? In the apartment, I mean."
Anna nodded, "Just me, it's not a very big place – just a small one bedroom."
John smiled, he was watching the way Anna was playing around with the ice cubes in her drink. "What made you decide to go, Anna?"
This question made Anna stop and John worried that it might have offended her somehow. But Anna simply smiled and met John's eyes, causing his throat to tighten a bit.
"I just think I need a fresh start somewhere, you know? Experience something new."
"There's...nothing holding you back here?" John mused, looking away to try and figure out a way to get his point across.
"Holding me here?" He could feel Anna's eyebrow raise. She often did that whenever he would say something ambiguous or confusing.
"I just mean, is there something that might make you stay here?" John shrugged, slowly meeting Anna's eyes, "Or someone?"
Anna chuckled, "My mom, maybe – but certainly not anyone in particular."
"Would...it make a difference if there was?" John wanted to look away when he asked this, but he fought the urge to turn away. He needed to see Anna's face when she answered the question. He needed to see her true reaction.
Anna's face softened, understanding what John meant. She didn't want to answer it directly, but she wanted to make her feelings clear.
"No," she shook her head, "I'm not interested in love or having a relationship – I just want to find my own way for now."
John nodded and it surprised him that he felt relieved hearing her say that. Perhaps because it meant that there was still a chance if she wasn't interested in anyone.
John decided not to ask any more questions about her staying; it was clear that she had no intentions of canceling her plans. Instead, he spent the night asking her about her job, the city, and any plans of touring.
John watched her light up in conversation as she talked about her new school, her worries about learning a new language, and her travel plans. Her honey-colored eyes were swimming in countless thoughts, and it was fascinating watching her talk excitedly about the future. For too long John watched her with solemn and dark eyes always lost in the distance.
But now, he saw a different side of Anna – one that was full of life and energy. He only wished that he was part of the reason she was so cheerful.
It was then that he decided he'd wait. Yes, she will return eventually and he'd be waiting, if only she would.