The rocking chair creaks amid the sound of rain on rooftops as Willem sat there rocking back and forth.
Contemplating.
A look of sorrow crossing his wrinkly withered face as In his hands he clutched tightly a stuffed dog.
Gently, he patted it's head
It had been Small in size, but in sentimental value, he treasured it no less than his own life.
The soft pitter patter of the metal roof caught his attention
It annoyed him.
He stared at the raindrops outside his window, his gaze distant.
remembering a time when he was useful.
A time when he was still needed.
…a time when he was young
His little wooden cottage was empty.
pictures covered in cloths lined the tabletops. He couldn't bear look at them.
Medals that had symbolize honor and duty lay in hapless piles near a trashcan.
They were of no worth to him. gold medals wouldn't give him the love lost from his daughter. Medals of honor wouldn't give him back the time he spent away from his family
His hands clenched weakly gripping the arms of his rocking chair.
Hands that were once firm and strong. Arms that were used to fight for his homeland and defend his family.
arms that once cradled the child he loved so dearly
But now…
They were no more than twigs that would break at the slightest force. No longer the strong arms they once were
He thinks back to his child, Amanda, such a beautiful child she was. Just like her mother, Cassandra.
It felt as if it was only yesterday Willem held her in his arms tears of joy in his eyes as he rocked the little bundle of joy
FLASHBACK
"Dady look!" little Amanda at age 5 said pointing at a stuffed toy puppy in a store. it small in size with a little bone depicting the words 'I love you' in a silly font. Her red hair shook in excitement as she was practically a whole powerplant of energy bouncing around.
"do you like it, sweetie?" he asked pulling out his wallet
"can we get him?!" she said stars in her eyes almost pleadingly.
"I'm sure your mother wouldn't mind" Willem smiled as his daughter's smile shone brighter than the sun itself. Truly he lived for that smile, he loved to see his daughter happy and even if he'd have to fight a war to protect it he would do so gladly
FLASHBACK END
His hands clenched, teeth grit in anger as the creak of his chair grew in pace
again his mind flashes to more unsavory parts of his life
FLASHBACK
Explosions rang out after explosion.
lead flew overhead as Willem ducked in the trenches, body rolling to the side due to the weakness it felt.
His breaths were labored. Ragged, even.
Laying there on the earth bloody bruised and mentally dead he laid there a dead man in the trenches, no more fight in him to carry on.
ignoring the explosions from mortar shells and orders from superiors. he remained there, trembling
Waiting for the bullet or explosion that would end his life
After all, what reason had he left to live? With the love of his life, the woman he cared for dearly, gone... What else was there waiting for him?
boom!
His body jerked sideways, flipping him on his back painfully As a mortar shell landed to his left sending him sprawling.
The body ached, but more so did his heart.
And soon, there would only be darkness as death overtook him.
his sight dimmed, the coppery taste of blood in his mouth no longer there and the sound of explosions threatened to turn into white noise
But before he could give in to the light, before he could join his lover in the afterlife,
A flash of silver caught his eye.
A locket.
"Amanda…" he croaked out barely through his raspy throat
'What good father leaves his daughter alone to fend for herself?' he thought as another mortar shell exploded nearby
"no" he whispered his hands clenching the locket tightly against his chest Ignoring the searing pain as he began to stand back and roar from the top of his lungs
"no!!!" he shouted, staggering up and drawing his combat knife out
He'd return to her alive.
He'd be there to support her.
He'd come back to her.
Even if it meant he was gonna kill a whole army with his bare hands
"AMANDA!!!!" he shouted a warcry as he charged the enemy trenches
FLASHBACK END
Willem felt a lone tear go down his cheek yet made no move to wipe at it, as he continued to stare at the rain. feeling as though the it were the tears he wanted to shed.
His lips opened
"I'm-
FLASHBACK
"-Sorry," he whispered, his wrinkly hands trembling as the shattered remains of a vase at his feet lay motionless
"what do you mean sorry?" his daughter had asked, a growing malice in her voice "does saying sorry fix the vase? Does sorry bring mom back?" her voice crackled like a whip
"Does sorry forgive you leaving me alone to fend for myself ever since I was 7?!" screaming at him, her words embedding themselves like knives in Willem's chest
Willem's head slumped in sorrow, tears threatening to pour out of his eyes.
But he would not let it happen.
He would not show his daughter his weakness.
He wanted her to learn from this to be strong even if it hurt him so
"just go back to your rocking chair you stupid senile old man" she huffed
FLASHBACK END
The tears started to stream out uncontrollably.
If only saying sorry erased the pain of the past.
he would've said it a million times if it meant she would forgive him and give him one last chance at redemption.
"all i wanted was-"
Flashback
"-to make you happy" he had said handing her a letter encased in a beautiful envelope with a floral design
a letter he had spent an hour writing.
He had spent at least a week's worth of time on the drawing alone, just for her
He had been so excited to give her this letter and called her over once it was finished.
Blood sweat and tears littered the letter.
Every word, every line, and every minute of making it had been like pouring his soul into the paper, giving it all the words he could never say, all the words he wanted to say, and all feelings he wanted her to know he felt.
"make me happy?" she asked her voice low and mocking "I already am happy. I've been happy for 20 years without you," she said her voice still calm though her eyes held a burning hatred
"you know what would make me happy?!" she hissed venomously "if you would just disappear again like you did when I was seven and never return!" she said standing up
And right before his eyes, she began to rip the letter to shreds
He felt parts of his soul break with each time she ripped at the paper, each rip was felt until what remained were the pieces of his soul almost gone completely and even then she kept going
And by the end of it, there was barely anything left and she was already leaving through the door, slamming it angrily as she exited
She didn't even bother to look at the face of her father that had tears brimming at their edges and was hugging the remnants of the letter to his chest hoping to feel the love he had poured over the course of writing it
Flashback end
He was mad.
Not at his daughter, he could never hate her.
He was mad at himself
"I'm sorry I'm useless!!!��� In his fit of rage, he threw the stuffed toy into the kitchen "it wasn't my fault!!!" he shouted collapsing out of his chair and onto the ground
"It wasn't my fault…" he whispered as he began to sob
Such was the cruel reality that was old age with a lot of regrets and all the demons of his past that still haunt him
A body that was so weak and useless.
A past riddled with mistakes.
A daughter that wouldn't forgive him
A ghost of his wife cursing his name
With those inner demons, he cried himself to sleep as the thunder roared outside like the heavens themselves were blaming him and him alone for the mistakes he had no way of avoiding
...
He woke to a room with black smoke, his senses warning him, screaming at him to run outside. And avoid the source of the smoke. In his panic to get out of bed fell out of bed with a thump bruising his left leg in the process
With too much pain in his leg, slowly he made his way out of his bedroom with a crawl. Careful not to damage his already damaged leg
When his body reached the livingroom the fire that he suspected to have started from his kitchen had turned his whole livingroom into an inferno. The fire setting ablaze to all he owned from the ground up
Willem started to crawl for the door when he remembered.
The only thing of worth to him anymore ever since he'd gone senile and old… Amanda's stuffed puppy
"no that shouldn't matter now!" he told himself stubbornly forcing himself out closer to the door but before he reached it he turned back suddenly facing the kitchen
Instead of the stuffed puppy, he saw Amanda as a five-year-old clutching the stuffed animal for comfort. her face screamed of fear and tears were streaming out of her eyes
"Daddy I'm scared!" she called to him her voice ever so fragile and scarred and it tore Willem's heart to pieces to think that he'd caused this. In spite of himself, Willem pulled himself up completely disregarding the searing pain in his left leg and threw himself to Amanda
"don't worry sweetie, daddy's here. He always will be" he said clutching the stuffed animal crying tears of joy
"I love you dad"
Then everything went black for old man Willem
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________Somewhere in the heavenly bodies
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"hey fel whatcha doing?" the god of the stars asked a petite redhead who was staring intently at a scrying globe
He knew expected his fellow god to threaten him to get out of her territory but he didn't care after all… Anrodight wasn't the brightest god there is
*Sniff sniff*
"are you… crying?!" he asked in shock Fel had always kept an air of confidence around her as her title of god of the life cycle deems it of her most of the time when judging the mortal souls
"Why do people have to suffer so much?" she stifled out through a sob
Androdight finally understood
Watching the life cycle of a mortal could be taxing but it is a needed job to know whether they deserve to be reincarnated as a human again or as a fly as punishment
"was the mortal a good one?" he asked gently almost comfortingly
"no…" the goddess of the life cycle stifled through a sob "he has killed many"
"Then why-"
"for the sake of his daughter", she cut him off silencing androdight as he stared at her knowingly "who hated him for leaving when she was a child and returning as a useless adult" by the time she said it she'd already started to tear up again
Androdight hugged her.
"but still…" she continued a hic in her voice "he kept praying for his daughter's safety and happiness despite that"
"you want to give him to the god of the old world don't you?" he asked as he rubbed at her back comfortingly
"they'll never allow it!" Fel cried knowing full well the council of gods wouldn't approve of such a thing as taking a mortal from earth and planting him in Panetea with his memories
"I will vouch for you" androdight stated firmly "the council owes me one to many favors" he smiled slyly trying to comfort the goddess of the life cycle
"thank you androdight, thank you" she whispered
Line break
And that was when Willem opened his eyes to a blue sky