"You're home early," Mum looked surprised when I walked in, "How was school?"
"It was okay." I told her and then I stopped there.
For the past five days, my mum would ask me, "How was school?"
And I would answer, "It was okay, I finished all my homework."
Today was a little different because I didn't finish my homework. I didn't even do any homework yet. And speaking of unfinished homework, I still have to do my reading and printouts for Lycan study group tomorrow.
I groaned, "I've got lots of homework."
"That's new." My mum laughed and went back to her cooking.
I grabbed an apple and headed to my room. As I went, I kicked Savy's door in passing. She yelled something I couldn't make out over the music blasting in her room. But I heard her cackling after that, so it was probably what she thought was a funny joke.
That made me smile. My smile grew wider when I realised that it was Friday. Thank goddess it's Friday! So I didn't have to finish my school homework today. Just the Lycan Study Group stuff, which I'm pretty sure I can finish tonight.
So since I had time to spare afterall, I picked up the phone to call Madison. I haven't called her since Monday with all that's been going on. I would ask her how her first week went.
Mad: Hello?
Me; Hi Madison, it's me, Sam. Free for a chat?
Mad: (Sighing) Why are you calling again?
Me: Just wondering how your first week went.
Mad: Can you stop calling me for nothing? You know, you've been at your new school for a week now. You should go and make some new friends there. Stop calling me.
Me: ...Yeah. Okay.
Mad: I'm hanging up now, bye.
Me: Bye.
I hung up and sat on my bed. Where did that come from? She had sounded happy to chat with me on Monday, telling me who went to which school and the marching band she wanted to try out for.
And I did have new friends! Lots of them! And pack friends too...
What's up with her? Just because I don't talk about it didn't mean they don't exist. I was only calling because she's my best friend.
I guess we're not best friends anymore. At this point, I have to admit, it's hard to write all this.
It's one thing to write about stupid boys. Stupid boys don't hurt like this. I guess it's a matter of expectations. I didn't expect anything from stupid boys. It's another thing when it's my best friend.
What happened to best friends forever? I flopped back on my bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling a little numbness where my heart was.
I wondered what I did wrong. Was it something I said? I wondered what had change for Madison. I wondered if she met new friends. I wondered if she made it for band try-outs.
It hurt. But I won't call her back. I won't call her ever. I won't be weak like that. As it is, I was already so pathetic, it was disgusting. I was hurt. Do Alphas ever get hurt? Apparently.
So I got up and went for a shower. Washing away the smells of the day and the secret tears of break up. Madison's break up kept replaying in my head.
We were desk mates and best friends for two years! I will never call her again. It's over.
It's just a childhood best friend. I tried reasoning to myself.
You're an Alpha, deal with it! I tried giving myself an internal pep talk.
Goddess, I'm behaving like my mate rejected me. Lol.
But I suppose big break up, small break up, something gets broke.
So now you see me. This is the me I don't like others to see.
I am the Alpha. Alphas get hurt. The only difference is that Alphas get up again. Always get up to fight again, to love again, to live again.
I got out of the shower in time for dinner. Dad was home for dinner today and mum made salmon, with mash, and broccoli drizzled with butter.
Mum always made nicer food when Dad's home. When he's not, we eat canned soup and hotdogs, which Savy and I like too. So I guess it's a winner either way.
I piled on the potato and stirred on extra butter. Then drizzled the sauce over everything.
"Is something wrong, Sam?" Mum asked at the table.
"Nothing," I mumbled, "Madison just broke up with me. That's all."
I had really meant it when I said "That's all". I mean, it's over. I planned to keep it that way. I've spent the whole hour before dinner an emotional wreck and was not about to repeat the performance over dinner in front of my entire family.
But... Yes, I hate this word too, BUT maybe it was because the wounds were still fresh. It had cut deep, but it wasn't anything critical. BUT when I said the words "that's all", my voice cracked. And once exposed, the tears started all over again.
I pretty much cried over my dinner. I think the only thing that proved I would be alright was that I was still shovelling food in my mouth between sobs.
Considering that this was the first time I broke down over family dinner, my family took it rather well. They let me re-enact the phone call, bawl, and rant. Every now and then, one of them would interrupt to clarify a point or agree with a statement.
Otherwise, my family calmly ate their meals and took raising an alpha teenage she-wolf in their stride.
By the end of dinner, the storm had finally quietened. My mum tsked and shook her head, "I can't believe she'd say something like that."
"It wasn't like I called her every day. And it wasn't like I didn't have other friends." By now, the hurt had turned into indignation.
"I'm never calling her ever again!" I vowed for the umptenth time.
"Forget about her. I'm your real best friend anyway." Savy told me, "And I'll never break up with you."
"You can't!" I shot back, "We are sisters! You're stuck with me for life."
I was smiling now. My mum and Savy were like bandaids of the heart to me.
"You know," My dad said, "We may choose our friends, but the goddess chooses our family."
"I know." I said, I've heard it often enough, but usually when he was talking about mates. You know the talk... The moon goddess has already prepared a mate for you, so don't do stupid things with boys like fall in love or...Oh.
"Dad?" I said, "Madison... She isn't a boy. She's just my friend from school."
"Oh." Dad said.
But later when I was supposed to be doing homework in my room, I thought about what dad said, and it put the break up in perspective.
It hurt. She was my friend. I had expected more. But in the larger scheme of things, it wasn't that big a deal. I can move on.
The hurt will heal in time. They say time will heal all wounds. But nobody ever talked about the scars that remain. I'm going to take the scar that Madison left as a reminder to expect less from others. Less expectation, less disappointment, less hurt at the end of the day.