"Why... won't you touch me?" I muttered to myself as I stared at Doyle. I thought I was thinking that and not speaking it aloud, so when Doyle replied, my heart caught in my throat.
"That... wouldn't be fair now would it?" Doyle said before he ruffled through his hair.
My eyes widened and I felt myself at a loss of words. What did I even mean? Wasn't this my own choice?
Doyle sighed sending a strong clenching feeling around my heart. I glanced up at him but found him walking away.
I wanted him to stop and turn back my way but the words couldn't come out. Instead, I sat on the couch with my right hand outstretched while my left held onto my throat.
Why...? Why does my chest feel so painful? Wasn't this the right course of action?
I lowered my hand as I bit on my lower lip.
"Stop biting your lips!"
A flashing thought of the lines Doyle kept repeating echoed in my head and I immediately stopped biting my lips. A tear rolled down my cheek and I started crying once more. It felt as if a dam had broken as the tears spilled down my cheeks.
"D-Doyle..." I whispered as I clenched my pants tightly, crumpling the surface of my pants.
"You don't need to say anything. Just let me be in this moment with you for now."
I gripped my pants even tighter as I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. Why didn't I... Why didn't I do that instead? Why did I say that I couldn't accept his feelings?
I gasped for air as I swiped the tears off my face. It had gotten harder to breathe. Had I known I'd feel this way I would have... ... would have what? Didn't I reject him because I loved Rayson?
I didn't understand my emotions and stood up with my wobbly legs. I headed towards the tissue box but suddenly felt the world spinning.
***
I woke up under the same ceiling I had seen the past two days. I quickly glanced around and confirmed that I was in Doyle's bedroom.
"You're awake now? That's great."
"Ah... Um..."
"If you don't mind... could you... uh... leave?" Doyle said as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
My chest constricted as I clutched the sheets tightly in my hands. I know why he wanted me to leave... But he seriously looked troubled.
"I... uh..."
"Look, I don't want to sound mean and all but... You rejected my feelings, so you obviously don't want anything to do with me right? I need some space. So... please... since you're up now... Can you just leave?"
My eyes widened and I felt my heart sink. Tears fell down my cheeks again as I found Doyle drawing a clear line between us excruciatingly painful.
I reached out to touch him but his expression grew cold and he slapped my hand away. I never had him treat me so harshly before... I felt... scared...
"N-no... Doyle... I... I..."
"Don't tell me lies when you yourself aren't even certain. I'd rather find another partner rather than waste anymore of my time with you!" Doyle yelled as I suddenly find myself tossed outside his home, the door shut before my face.
***
"GASP!" I grasped the sheets as I forced my eyes open.
The lighting in the room was dim but it was the exact place I had saw earlier.
W-what...? Was it a dream? It felt... so real... My heart is still pounding...
I glanced around me before noticing the clock. I grabbed it and glanced at the time.
6:40pm
Had I been out for nearly 2 whole hours?
I placed the clock down and tugged at the covers but it did not budge. I furrowed my brows before noticing something on my legs.
I fumbled for the lights and turned on the lamp beside me only to find Doyle resting his head on my legs. My heart started pounding and I felt my hands beginning to shake.
I reached out to him but hesitated. Was the dream simply a warning of what was to come? Was Doyle going to... abandon me again? ...again? ... Huh?
Ignoring my thoughts, I gulped hesitantly before my fingers brushed his bangs. I wanted to bite my lower lips but decided against it and touched his face.
Doyle stirred beneath my touch and I found myself panicking. My heart palpitated and I felt nauseous. However, I was more scared over every other emotions.
"... Len..." Doyle's voice echoed in the room, sending a warm rush down my body. I felt like I could breathe again.
"D-Doyle..." I said before my voice cracked and tears fell down my cheeks.
Doyle immediately got up with a start as he grabbed my outstretched hand while his other hand wiped the tear off my cheek.
"Len?! Are you okay? Is your body hurt? How are you feeling?" Doyle's worried voice soothed my aching heart.
It felt like I had dipped myself in a hot spring and came out refreshed and renewed.
Ah... I understand now... Losing Doyle... was scary... I think... I made a grave mistake...
A smile escape my lips as I turned to face him. His knitted eyebrows and narrowed eyes... His worries will be directed at someone else from now on...
Everything... would change because of me...
Doyle's worried voice drowned out the same way we drowned out the sound of those pesky cicada chirpings. No, it wasn't because I disliked his voice...
Every inch of his body was right before me... I wanted to take in the arch of his brows, the shape of his lips, the look in his eyes... Doyle was... Right now... he felt like air that I needed to breathe.
Only after realising what I had lost... did I realise what he meant to me.
I have fallen for Doyle. Fallen hook line and sinker. If it was deception... I still believe I would take the bait.
Now... everything is lost.