I opened my eyes as the sunlight from the windows danced on the wall in a rainbow of colors. We were still on the couch, me in his arms, protected. I felt safe for the first time in a long while. I wasn't ready for this feeling to go away yet.
I blinked, I didn't want to move, I wasn't ready, I didn't want this feeling of safety to abandon me. I wasn't ready to give it up.
"You awake?"Lex whispered, his voice was raspy.
I quickly squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that if I pretended to sleep I could make this feeling last a little longer.
He let out a small breath of laughter. "Take all the time you need Ōjo." I could hear the smile in his voice as he laid his head back on the couch. He understood without me even needing to say the words. I took in a breath of relief and contentness.
He understood...
I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes and it was night again.
"Lex?"I said quietly.
"Yes?"
"Why did you sit here with me for a day and a half?"I wrapped my arms around myself as his arms still guarded me.
"Because..."
"Why because?"
"You're broken..."He said quietly.
Was that it? My heart sank.
"And I want to be there to help you pick up the pieces. I want to be there when you come out on top and even if that's a long ways away, I still want to be with you. I don't know why. I just know that I do."
"Is it because of my body?"I felt my heart begin to ache at the thought of another person wanting me for my body.
"It's much more than that Ryan. You could be obese and ugly and you'd still be beautiful."
"Contradictory."I said, I wanted to know more, but I couldn't bring myself to ask, so I sat there hoping he'd go on.
"Your body may make you sexy, your face may make you gorgeous... But it's you... your heart... your mind... your soul that makes you beautiful."
My heart didn't know how to feel. It ached sweetly with a renewed feeling, a variant of what I used to think was love, but this... This was much more and that's the best way I could describe it. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I always did and ran.
I hoped off the couch, "I'm gonna get food."
"Ryan?"He called out to me in a soft tone.
I hesitantly turned around.
"I'll be here when you're ready... No matter how long it takes, okay?"
I slowly nodded and turned back to walk to the fridge.
"Do you want me to make you something?"He called from the couch.
"Do they have room service here?"I felt a lump in my throat, as I tried to swallow the pain of knowing that someone wanted me.
"Yes, what do you want?"
"Hamburger and fries."I turned around looking at him.
"Ok." He smiled, picking up the silver phone on the wall by the front door.
"Can we watch a movie or something?"I asked timidly as he set the phone back into its place.
"Of course."
When the food got here, I was upset by what I found.
"Eww gross!"
"What?"He looked at me.
"There's pickles and onions and stuff on here."I looked disgustedly at the vegetables.
"So picky."He chuckled, pulling off the onions and pickles. "Anything else?"
"Take the tomatoes and lettuce please."I made a shooing gesture.
"You could have just asked for it plain you know."He said with a small smile.
"I like it with ketchup, that's it."
"I'll remember that then ōjo."
"What do you want to watch?"He asked as he watched me eat my burger.
"Have you ever seen The 100?"I asked, between bites.
"Don't talk with your mouth full. It's rude."
"Sorry."I said quietly, swallowing what was in my mouth.
"No I haven't. Is that a series?"He must have realized how harsh he sounded because he toned his voice down to a gentle pitch.
"Yes."I said stuffing a fry into my mouth. "Are you not going to eat anything?"
"I don't eat food like that."
"You don't know what you're missing out on buddy."I took in another fry.
"I ordered a steak. It's just not arrived yet."
I swallowed what was in my mouth. "So we leave tomorrow?"
"Yes. Have you figured out what phone you want?"
"I researched different brands and I think the Google Pixel would be the best. It's like the iPhone and Android in one, but it's still an Android so I'll know how to use it."
"Which one do you want?"
"Whichever you want to get me, I'll be thankful."I felt a smile pull at my lips.
"I'll get you the newest one then."
"Of course you will."
He stared at me intently, I decided to break the silence because I was overwhelmed even by his gentle gaze. I was so scared.
"So we leave tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
I stared at the counter as a million thoughts flooded my mind.
"Ryan?"His gentle voice guided me back.
I turned to look at him.
"It'll be ok. I'm going to take care of you."
His words eased me for some reason, but I still wasn't as calm as I could have been.
"What airline are we flying again?"
"I was going to take the private jet."
"Oh, great one more thing to be nervous about."
"It's faster, we won't have to jump through hoops, we won't be constrained to a time, and I have my personal reasons."
I sighed, "I'm going to go to sleep."I scooted myself off of the barstool.