The familiar smell of the soil kissing every drops of the rain slowly bring back the memory of the almost forgotten. I slowly get up and rest my back at the headboard of my bed while looking outside my window. The rain was so calm yet pain is slowly embracing my heart. 5 years had passed but the feeling of being stabbed right on your chest is there everytime I hear the teardrops reach the roof and fall on the ground.
"So that's it? My God Nathan, 3 years! What we have is 3 years not just 3 months or 3 weeks!" I said, frustrated. I grab a handful of my hair because of frustration, sadness, anger, confusion and bitterness. "God damn it Nathan! Give me one good reason why did you do this. Just one good reason!" I was screaming in front of him. I glared at him and he was avoiding my gaze while I was trying to look for any trace of humor in his eyes for me to conclude he was just joking and he was only about to prank me but, there was nothing but guilt in his eyes.
"I-I don't love you anymore. No Hestia, I didn't love you", my mouth slowly opened after hearing those words from him. I felt a lump inside my throat and I started to feel numb.
"W-what?" I tried to laugh but it only sound fake and forced. " W-what did you say?Y-you didn't what---
"I didn't love you." He said cutting off my words. "I courted you because you are one of the smartest girls around. I withstand being with you for 3 years because you get to do my assignments and projects. But eveything must end now. I can't take it anymore. It's gross introducing you to my parents and friends. I can't stand being with you anymore. I want to be with someone else and I can't do it by having you around. I'm sorry. But, it's over now." he said and left.
Wait. What was that? What are those things that just came out his mouth? Are those words or swords? I can feel my insides falling into pieces, into tiny pieces. The pieces were too small it can hurt anyone that will try to pick it up and fix it.
The rain started to fall as hot liquids slowly escape my eyes. Raindrops start to reach my head making my hair wet, down to my shoulders, to my hips to my toes, to the ground.
The sky roared but I can't feel any fear. I'm feeling so cold because of the rain but I didn't care anyway.
Is there anything that's more painful than this? How can someone so precious to you makes you feel like a banana peel which can be easily thrown away? Is this just a dream? If it is, can someone wake me up? I don't want to be here. But, if it's just a dream, how can it be this painful?
I wanted to run, but my knees were too tired. I slowly walk with a heavy heart and feeling. As I reach home I immediately walk towards the bathroom and turned the shower on.
Standing under the water dropping out of the shower, tears can't stop falling. I'm too weak to even remove my clothes.
Memories 3 years ago came rushing like waves .....
"Hi Miss. I'm Nathan" was his first words when he approached me under the mango tree at the left side of Home Of Engineering School's football field, my usual spot during my vacant time. I am a civil engineering student. " A mechanical engineering student." He added.
"Juice? For one of the smartest girl in town, Hestia Louise del Rio. I'm glad I get to know you and I can come closer to you like this." he said smiling widely at me, patted my head and sit right next to me. After our first encounter he always manage to come here at my usual spot, offering me something to drink and we will have a little talk about ourselves.
"Thank you for always making my day brighter than usual, Ms. Genius" he said, looking intently into my eyes while patting my head slowly. I smiled and nod at him. " I heard you got a flat 1 again this semester in your calculus subject. Congrats!" I nodded and smiled wildly at him, raising my hands to show him my thumbs up.
Everytime he's around, simple things like; little compliments, little offerings and a little act of care can make my heart beat so hard and fast whenever he's around. There are times when he cannot make it to 'our' usual spot because he has some things to do. Until one day..
"Can I court you?" he surprisingly asked while we are sitting here on our usual spot,eating.
My mouth was left open for a few moments at his words, making my spoon stop mid air.
I don't know what to do for my heart is pounding so hard and fast inside my rib cage.
I slowly lowered my spoon and blinked twice because I'm not sure if he really said that or it was just a voice from somewhere.
"Hey. Are you okay?I'm asking you, can I court you?" I don't know what to say but my body made the action and answered his question with a slow nod. He smiled and pat my head slowly.
Everything went smoothly from that day. He treated me like a princess. He introduced me to his parents and friends. Everything seems perfect and in that very moment I really can't ask for more. Until the most important day came..
"Really?I mean, you and me?We are together now?" he asked excitedly after I told him the words he was longing to hear for almost 5 months of courting me. My "YES".
He brushed his hair and looked at me like I was the woman in his dreams. I nodded as tears slowly came out my eyes. I was just so happy. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him for a hug. He hugged me tight and I feel like I was floating.
"Are you sure? You know, I can do this myself. You don't have to do that for me" he said after I told him I can help him with his assignments and projects. We were together for almost 2 years now . Inside those years, he made me feel important and secured. He waits for me to get out of the classroom so we can go home together. He spoiled me with foods, hugs, kisses, time and attention. But after being together for almost 2 yeas, I can feel how he slowly became distant with me. But, I set my assumptions aside.
We were just both busy with our studies. We are doing this for 'our' future', that's what I keep on telling myself.
I just smiled and nodded. He used to tell me all the assignments and tasks he's about to do since we became together. And as a person who simply love someone, you can't just listen to all the things he's about to do. You will really feel the urge to help.
At first, I was just helping him and as days go by, he slowly withdrew from doing his tasks instead, he made me do all of it. "Babe, can you please do this. I have something to do at home. I'll just leave these with you. Okay?Thanks. I love you." he kissed my forehead and left me at our usual spot.
It's starting to get dark but he managed to leave me here. But then, I chose to understand he has some important things to do. And as his girlfriend I'll help him.
Days go by and everything went the same. Sometimes, he'll ask me out for date especially during our monthsary. "Let's have dinner outside? Just for me to make it all up to you. You know, I've been busy these days and I don't want you to feel I don't want you anymore." I felt a soft brush in my heart as he said those words through his call that night.
" I love you. Always remember that. Don't ever leave my side, alright baby?" he said while looking into my eyes and holding my hand. My foolish heart felt warm and happy. I believed all his words. Love can really make you blind.
Things will always be like that. Normal days, really felt normal because he was always busy and I do his tasks.
I tried once to ask what makes him busy but he only answered, it was a family matter. I believed him. I did not worry that much though, I have assumptions sometimes about him cheating on me, but I shrug it all off.
He did not introduce me to his family and friends for nothing, right? During our special days, are only the days he's making me feel special, loved and cared for by the one I truly love.
All the questions I wanted to ask and all the things I wanted to clarify when we celebrate our special days was being left unsaid because I was being mesmerized by the words coming out of his mouth. All the promises, the I love you's and all the care he's making me feel made me forget all the doubts I have. Until our third year anniversary...
Have you ever been in a situation wherein all the love that you and felt and have, suddenly turns into anger and hatred? Because that is what I'm feeling right now, seeing the man of my life laughing with someone else in our favorite place.
I decided to come here in our favorite restaurant where we used to celebrate our special days because I was planning to surprise him. Well, I was the one who got surprised.
He surprised me by having someone he can hold to the way he holds me before. He surprised me by having someone he can kiss the way he kissed me before. And he surprised me by having someone he can laugh with the way he used to laugh with me before.
Our eyes met and he suddenly froze. I turned my back to run away, my steps were quick when I felt an arm grab me. I know it was him but I was too weak to even look at him.
So, I gathered all my courage and strength to face him after a few seconds of taking a deep breath looking away from him.
And it is where everything ended. It was a hard journey not having someone you used to plan future with by your side. But I remained strong to make him realize he made the biggest mistake of his life.
I was in a hurry on my way to my office when I bumped into someone.
"I'm sorry" he said. I was about to continue walking when I realized his voice was familiar.
So, I turned around and face him. Everything flashed back when I saw the face of the man who broke me into pieces 5 years ago.
"Oh. Hi" he awkwardly greeted. I don't understand why, but this meet up should be painful. Why do I feel like I'm relieved seeing him.
"Hi" I greeted him back. "What are you doing here?" I asked him a bit confused why is he here at the company where I'm working. He's a mechanical engineering student before and this company is for civil engineers and architects.
"I was trying my luck. You know, applying for an available job this company might offer." he just shrug and smiled hesitantly at me. My brows creased for I am really confused.
"But, you were a mech--"
"I didn't finish my studies." He cut me off and looked at me shyly. I'm lost of words after hearing that.
"I'm a father of three kids now. " my eyes widened in surprise. I really don't know what to say.
"My wife doesn't have any stable job because she didn't graduate too since I got her pregnant 5 months before graduation, she got a very sensitive condition so she didn't got the chance to go to school and I'm tasked by her parents to take care of her. They were mad at us. We have to take care of things alone because our parents were too angry to even support us. So I have to work for her, for my family. Until she got pregnant again and again. "
Sadness took place when I heard his story. That's why I didn't see him around the campus and that is why I didn't hear anything from them 5 years ago. "How about you? Do you have a husband or your own family now?" I smiled and moved my head sideways.
"No I don't have any of your suggested choices" I laughed slightly. He nodded and smiled.
"Then what do you have? A boyfriend?" I laughed hardly and moved my head sideways again.
"No, I still don't have a boyfriend after we broke up. Because I was too busy pursuing my dreams." I proudly answered. Regret was very evident in his eyes but I didn't pay attention that much anyway.
"Then what do you have?" I smiled widely before I answered him because everything makes sense now.
The thing that happened to me before, that I thought crashed me into pieces, is God's way of making me stay away from the things that will never bring any good to me.
It made me realize that we might be the captain of our own ship but God can send storm that will make us decide whether to face the storm or detour.
God will make us realize that life can be described as the raindrops. It may be drop by drop at first but you don't know what kind of storm it might bring you.
Just like what Nathan did to me. His actions of neglecting were minimal at first but became more painful as time goes by. And for Nathan I'll pray for all the good things, still. His time is not yet here but he will have his own soon.
"A license." I proudly said. "I'm a licensed civil engineer now" I smiled at him and waved goodbye as I turn my back at him to proceed to my office.
End.