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I can't. I want to see him Right now. I want to kiss him. I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss his kisses, his caress, his touch, I miss all about him.
"Please anak. Labas ka na dyan. 2 days ka ng nagkukulong at hindi kumakain baby. Please" kanina pa kumakatok si momshie, pero hindi ko ito pinansin.
I want to be alone. alone...alone with him.
"Baby? Baby"
Parang nagising lahat ng organ ko ng marinig ang boses nya.
' Jackson. ' bulong ko.
Lumapit ako sa pintuan.
' you have a disease-'
Fuck that rare disease. fck...
Napaupo ako sa sahig. Sinandal ko ang katawan ko sa pinto.
"Baby... Please.. let me in. I-..."
Napahikbi ako. Pinatong ko ang ulo sa kamay ko na nakapatong sa tuhod ko.
"I miss...you" kahit bulong Lang iyon ni Jackson ay rinig ko iyon.
Napakasakit pakinggan ang boses nyang puno ng lungkot at pagsusumamo.
"G-go... Go away Jackson" pahina ng pahina ang pagsasalita ko.
"Let me in..."
Huminga ako ng malalim bago tumayo, bawat galaw na gagawin ko ay mga desisyong nabubuo sa isip ko, na dahilan ng pagtarak ng kutsilyo sa puso ko. binuksan ang pinto.
Nakaluhod sya sa harap ng pinto.
"Go-"Hindi ko natuloy ang sasabihin ko ng tumayo sya at sunggaban nya ako ng napakahihpit na yakap.
"Comeback baby.... Come back to me." Bulong nya. His voice cracked. I can feel his tears weting my shoulders. The scene just broke my whole heart.
"T-that was a mistake b-baby. Forgive me, p-please" humikbi sya.
Tila palaso na tumama sa puso ko ang mga hikbi at pagsusumamo nya. I never seen him like this, and it's hurting me more to the thought that I am the reason.
Sorry.
"Go away! I never love you! I don't love you!" Saka ko sya tinulak. Napaluhod sya sa sahig.
Tumalikod ako sa kanya, palayo sa kanya.
Every step I made, his sorry and pleading getting louder and louder, and it makes my heart broke, I feel so bad. Labag sa loob ko na sinarado ang pinto.
' I'm just lying baby... I'm so sorry. I love you. I really do. '
I heard his footsteps away from my room, with his voice saying sorry... Again and again.
Bawat yapak nya papalayo ay mga kutsilyong tumatarak ng tumatarak sa puso ko.
' please take care of yourself baby'
~
"Anak." Hindi ko Alam kung paano nakapasok si momshie sa kwarto ko, matapos pumunta dito ni Jackson ay Hindi nya na ako inabala, pero Hindi iyun ang inintindi ko..ang kasama nya sa likod nya.
"Mamá, papá" wala pa man ay tumulo na ang luha ko.
"Please... my son need you ivy" tumulo ang isang butil ng luha ng ina ni Jackson.
"I- I can't.." umupo ako sakama at hinawakan ang dalawang binti, saka sinubsob ang mukha sa tuhod ko.
"Please..." kahit Hindi ko sya tignan ay ramdam ko ang lungkot sa boses nya.
Huminga ako ng malalim saka sinalubong ang mata ng ina ni Jackson. Ngumiti ako ng mapait.
" I have a disease mamá" panimula ko saka tumingin sa kawalan.
" Ayaw kong mabuhay si Jackson kasama ako. Pabigat lang ako sa kanya, sigurado ako dun. My legs will get week and week till i can't take it anymore." lumingon ako sa kanila saka ngumiti ng puno ng luha ang mga mata at pisnge.
"W-we..... We can help y-you hija. You're like.. m-my daughter." Umiiyak nadin si mamá. Kahit si papá ay halatang pinipigilan nya ang sariling makisabay umiyak dahil sa panahon ngayon sya ang sandalan ng asawat anak.
Bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig ko ay bawat salitang naaalala ko na Sabi ng doctor.
"Ilovehim mamá, papá.."
' you have paraplegia' -doctor.
"..So I let him go. Kung papatagalin ko pa sya sa buhay ko mas masasaktan sya ng husto." I bitterly smiled
' you're legs will get weaker and weaker' -doctor
"..Kaye is there mamá. And I know... Kaye..."
' till your body can't take it'
"..Kaye loves him the way I-i do" kahit anong pigil na hindi gumaral-gal ang tinig ko ay hindi ito nagpatalo. Humikbi ako ng humikbi.
' and you'll live with your whilechair'
Niyakap ko ang tuhod ko at sinubsob ang mukha sa tuhod at doon umiyak ng umiyak na parang bata. I heard my momshie's voice saying sorry tho it's not her fault.
I cried, we cried.
I heard a ringtone, but I didn't even give a shit.
"H-hello?" I heard mamá sniffed.
Seconds later.
"W-WHAT?" parang gusto nyang sumigaw pero bulong nalang ang nagawa.
Tumingin ako sa direksyon nila.
Mamá's eyes grew bigger with his tears falling at her cheeks. I felt my heart beating fast than normal, and I don't know why.
Umalalay si papá kay mamá na napaupo na sa sahig habang umiiyak. The scene just broke my heart, the scene just make me nervous.
"S-si...si.. si j-jackson"
~
We hurriedly run and walk. I felt my knees trembling. I don't know if it's because I'm nervous or it's because my disease are starting to ruin my body.
Lakad-takbo ang ginawa namin. Kita ko na ang emergency room. I can hear my heart pounding louder and louder.
Paulit-ulit Kong naririnig Ang dalawang salita na nagpaguho sa buhay ko.
' Car accident '
I wish that was just a joke, but no. It's not.
I felt my legs getting weaker, but i set asside my self.
"Please. God..." I whispered while still running and walking.
When we reach the emergency room. I hurriedly open the door, as if it's allowed.
2 nurses blocked my way.
"Please...." Umiiyak na Ani ko. Pinadaop ko pa ang Kamay ko saka idinikit iyon sa labi.
" just wait outside ma'am" pakiusap ng isang lalakeng nurse .
"Kahit d-dito nalang ako, please, let me. Dito Lang. k-kahit dito Lang" I pleased while my tears still falling like a infinitely river.
I heard the two man nurse sighed.
I don't know what to do. I don't care. just please.
Walang tigil ang pag-agos ng luha ko habang pinapanood ang mga doctor at nurses na kung ano-anong ginawa kay Jackson.
He's just there in the emergency room bed. He's laying there as if he's just sleeping.
I keep uttering words. I keep saying sorry, I keep talking at god.
Then like a video, it flashed at my mind.
We're promises
We're everyday love
We're 'iloveyou'
"P-please... W-wake up.. wake up b-baby" I cried... Umiyak ako ng umiyak.
"Clear! Clear!" The doctor keep clearing Jackson's chest.
The machines beside the bed keep noisingnEvery 'clear' they do.
I can't take it anymore. Dali-dali akong tumakbo palapit sa kanya, Hindi alintana ang mga nurse na pumipigil.
Hinawakan ko ang kamay nya.
"Please.... P-please baby... Wake up. I'm sorry.. i-i'm so... S-sorry." Humagulgol ako ng humagulgol.
Walang nagawa ang mga nurse kundi hayaan ako.
Patuloy sa pag 'clear' ang doctor.
I closed my eyes with my tears falling down.
' please God... Let him liv—'
My world suddenly wreck when I heard the life apparatus giving the noise that i asked lord not to.
'time of dea—'
"No!!!! No!!!! Please! Jackson wake up!!! B-baby!!! I'm here! Please! Wake up!"
I hug his haft cold- half hot body.
I hugged him as if he would live.
"Jackson!"
I shouted his name as if God will take him back.
"He's still allive! Take him back!" Yinugyog ko ang balikat ng isang nurse na parang maiiyak nadin.
I cried a lot as if I can take back the time.
"I-i love you.... I love-- y-you baby. I'm s-sorry. Please... P-..please" I cried at his chest.
"G-god... T-ta... Take h-him.. back"
Itutuloy..
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