As I slowly woke up and felt the sunlight coming through the window hit my eyes, I remembered what just happened, where I was and why I was there. Although all the thoughts of being a bad person tried to rush through my mind my world wasn't going darker, I didn't feel colder nor did I feel dreadful. I wasn't completely over it, but the break from everything really did help me clear my head.
As I got up to look for my pants the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen hit my nose. I come out of the bedroom to see Anna cooking breakfast. I walk up behind her and give her a hug. While putting my head on her shoulder I say "Good morning, whatever you're cooking smells great."
She smirks and says "It's just bacon and eggs ," after that grabs my head and kisses me on the cheek. At this moment with her lips on my cheek and the fragrance of her shampoo caressing my nose, I feel as my heart warms up and cries at the same time. These simple things make me feel so much, all I wish is that they would last longer, just a little bit longer would be enough. "You should take a shower, and put on some pants," she says to me.
We both chuckle, I give her a kiss on the cheek and go to the bathroom to take a shower. There while the hot water hitting my face in a shower with too many shampoos I thought to myself, could this last forever? Will she also need me forever?
Just dumb questions, as she has said in the past I shouldn't overthink, but I am just a person who lives in his thoughts. I'm my biggest critic, there isn't a way to turn them off. Well that's what I thought until I met Anna, but I can't tell her that. I don't want here to think that I'm dependent on her, she's not dependent on me so I don't want to burden her with something like me.
I hate showers.
As I got out of the shower I dried myself out and finally found my pants, as I put them on I felt a piece of paper in my right pocket. It was the number of the editor Luis told me about, I don't remember putting it there.
What was the guy's name again? Patrick?
I'm going to give him a call, maybe he'll just say that keep writing you're doing a good job and then hang up. I feel sorry for him, but Luis probably bugged him all weekend with my writing. He always was like that, putting everything he had for me, he really is a great friend.
Forgive me Luis for not being a friend you deserve.
I called the number and a very enthusiastic sounding man answered saying "Hi this is Peter, what can I do for ya?"
So his name is Peter, well Patrick is kind of close enough.
I respond saying "Oh hi, I'm Andrew the guy Luis talked about."
After I could hear him scream through the phone "Oh my god, finally!"
P- The guys over her were worried that you weren't going to call us, haha, I was just about to ask Luis for your number
A- Oh I'm sorry I just didn't think you wanted me to bother you
P- No look kid, I loved it, I even showed it to all the other editors here and even my boss.
A- Oh wow
P- Oh wow is too short for it kid, hey do you have a job right now or something you have to do apart from college?
A- No, why do ask?
P- Are you dumb? I want to hire you as a writer, it would be an honor to be your editor and I could brag about you to everyone else hahahahahahahaha
A- Are you serious?
P- Yeah kid, can you come over this Saturday at 4 pm to review the contract?
A- Yeah of course
P-Great I'll text you the location later, have a good day kid
A-You too
As I hung up, I could feel my legs shake. I didn't understand what was going on, but in a good sense. It was so absurd, yet it was a good thing, something so good you'll believe it was a dream.
Oh my, could all this be a dream?
I run to the kitchen and tell Anna "Hurry pinch me, I need to know if this is not a dream."
She looked at me weird and asked me "Did you hit your head in the shower?"
I just look at her while indicating her to pinch my arm. She sighs and pinches me. It hurt, so it had to be true, this isn't a dream.
"Oh my god I can't believe it!" I yelled excitedly while I grabbed and picked Anna up from her feet.
She started laughing and asked me "What happened, why are you in such a good mood?"
I kiss her and say "I just called an editor and he said that everyone from the publisher he works at loved my writing, they even offered me a contract."
"When did you start writing?" she asked me.
I put her down and said "Oh well, I started writing not long ago."
She glared at me with worried eyes "What about becoming a lawyer, are you just going to drop out."
"Anna don't worry, I'm going to keep studying, you don't have to worry about me," I said as I went in for a hug, but she stopped me asking "You never said you wanted to be a writer, are you sure you're ok with it?"
"It's just a simple job I'll do while I'm in college, if it goes well I'll keep going, but if it doesn't at least I'll be able to pay my tuition," I said to her.
I hug her and say "Don't worry, I want to do this."
She hugs me back, but why did she act like that. I thought she would be excited for me. Am I doing something wrong?
As I was thinking that all of the sudden she kissed my head and said "Ok that's all I was worried about, as long as you're happy it's ok."
I don't know what she actually feels but I hope she is supporting me.
Why? Because I love her and I want her by my side for the rest of my life. Although that might not happen, it's fun to imagine that it will.
While we had breakfast together everything was normal, but normal is extremely different to gloomy. I can see the sun hit the surfaces around her apartment, how each color shines in its own perspective aurora and how it feels cozy. As if the world was a place where I could lay my head without any worries. A pleasant but normal world and nothing is wrong with being ordinary, it's sometimes better than being extraordinary.
After taking that moment to look around my world I asked her "Hey do you want to go back to my place after classes?" she just responds "I have a date after class with Conan."
That's surprising to hear, Anna on a date. I say to her "I thought you didn't like dates, what's with the sudden change."
Anna looks at me and says "Well he asked and everyone deserves a chance."
"Then where was my chance," I replied back.
"You're different," she said as she turned away.
Even though it pains me, I shouldn't think much about it or that's what I tried telling myself. Although we kept the good mood we had going on I couldn't stop thinking about that date she's going to have with Conan.
During breakfast, as we got ready and on the car ride I could never shake the image out of my mind.
While I parked outside her faculty building I couldn't leave it there, I had to do something. If Conan can get a date with her so can I, after all I'm the one she seeks, I'm the one she supposedly loves.
Why am I different, what do I have to make me different from the other guys?
Before she opens her door I tell her "Wait, can I ask you something?"
She releases her hand from the door and turns to me and says "Yeah, whatever you want."
"Do you want to go on a date this Saturday after I sign the contract to celebrate me at my new job?" I asked her as I stared into her black eyes.
As I was there staring into those eyes all I could do was admire how beautiful she actually was. Of course I always think she is beautiful, but I don't always have the chance to truly take a minute to admire over it. The way here long brown hair comes waving down, the color of her mocha skin looking as amazing as ever, her lips with just the perfect tone of red to complement her mocha skin and most importantly her eyes. Although I can't look at them for long because every time I do Anna can't maintain eye contact with me, but in those moments where we lock eyes I can feel myself getting lost in those eyes as if they were two blackholes sucking up everything and making me travel into her world.
In these brief moments I can feel as everything around me is getting brighter and warmer, as if everything was hugging me with the brightness that I fell in my heart. I don't know this world and I believe I would have never seen it if it wasn't because of her. I actually love her and that's why I'm scared of this brightness.
What if she just shuts me down, what will happen to me and my perspective of reality, will it go back to a cold and lonely place?
I need to know what she actually feels and I believe that this is a step towards the right direction, if she says yes things will change, right?
I'm different because she loves me, well that's what I hope to think. Who knows why I am different. I don't know what goes through her beautiful mind.
Waiting for my answer she smiles and replies "I would love too."
As those words leave her mouth I can feel my head explode with excitement and my heart to start skipping almost every beat, as if my heart was passing enough heart with just one pump.
I grab her and kiss her. As I was kissing I could feel how soft those red lips of hers actually are. The way she holds me when I hold her, does she also feel love for me? I need to know.
With the way she's kissing me I would like to believe that she does or maybe she just loves me in this moment, after she gets out of the car she'll just act as if nothing happened, all though it's hard to fake love.
So she must be in love with me.
"I got to go now, my class starts in 10 minutes," she said with those blackhole eyes.
As I pull away I say "Oh okay, see you this Saturday, have a good day."
She kisses me on the cheek and says "Bye, Love you," as she gets out of the car.
This bright world sure is terrifying.
That kiss on the cheek on those words makes my chest feel warm, it makes me feel something that I haven't quite felt in my whole life and that is what makes me so afraid. I don't want to lose such a good feeling.
As I sit in my car I look up towards the roof of it and start to think.
I've had girlfriends before, but I never felt love, I just agreed to date them because I felt attracted to them. I was never the guy to have a lot of girlfriends though, I only had 4 and they weren't bad girls, it's just that they didn't have that special something. I hate using that phrase "that special something" only players trying to pick up girls use that line, it's one of the oldest in the book. Although Anna has that special something, when I talk about something special, I'm talking more about how we connect so easily, how we both know what the other person is referring too, how we can understand each other so easily. The only thing I can't understand is if she loves me or not, but apart from that we easily understand each other's complex maze of a mind.
I got to start heading towards my faculty building, but hey I got a date with her finally.
A real date.
It took long enough and it was worth all the wait.