Have you ever been lost in a sea of black? I can't see anything, nor feel anything. I'm in this black sea drowning, repeatedly. I presume it's the twentieth time now. I'm drained, my body aching, my voice deteriorated from screaming for help. The emptiness within you is beginning suffocate you and the light within you withers away at an excruciatingly slow pace. And after realizing that this feeling isn't going to dim or stop, you feel it begin to overtake you and suddenly your actions are being controlled by something that's not you. It is comparable to the feeling of being drowned again and again, but combine them together and it is like death. In this moment and time, the only reoccurring thought in your head is "God please take me now". The black sea plays with your head, and gives you hope that you will make it out, allowing you to see a streak of light in the endless regime only to have a wave pull you right back down. You begin to lose your sense of feel and touch, then identity and memories and finally hope. The sea smothers and buries you until you are also embedded in the flowing current. You don't ever escape the black sea until it allows you to, your time in there feels like a nightmare that never actually transpired.
*
Thoroughly nebulous was how I was feeling at the moment at the sudden scene that had sprung into my head. Was that me? A supposed past memory? Who was that little girl? And who was the man in front of me? Without a doubt ,the man who'd pulled the trigger is the man that is holding me as a captive in his home. That appears to be the only connection I could've made. And the women who he'd said to have shot was more than likely his arranged wife….my mother. I feel a mix of emotions now. I had no recollection of the woman and even now, the image of her I'd recently just seen had begun to fade. I didn't feel any resentment towards the man, except for the fact that he'd killed someone and has kidnapped me. How could I feel anything else towards someone I didn't know or remember? Sure, it's terrible that she'd lost her life but everyone's time comes at some point and hers was then. But he definitely didn't have the right to take a life and especially not feel sympathy for it. The main question was how had I been able to see what had occurred?
The room was now dark, the seat that was once occupied by the man now empty. The light of the moon was the only thing illuminating area. I get up and stand at the three-pane window. I was greeted with the view of a wide and open garden. The beautiful sight of fresh flowers and animals that I wouldn't have been able to see in the day littered the space in specific, calculated areas. It looked like a place out of a fairy- tale, with the tall oak trees found in the middle of each raspberry and blueberry bush I had laid eyes on. A towering red shrub was in the center of the garden that glimmered with the glow of the moonlight, it was enchanting and bewitching all at the same time. I try to jostle the latch, but to no surprise it was locked. The thought of breaking the window suddenly crossed my mind. I wanted to get out. I needed to leave. And before I knew it the vanity chair had made contact with the blue stained-glass window.
The ear deafening sound of glass shattering echoed throughout the room. Releasing the breath, I was unaware I was holding I step towards the ledge of the window. Knowing that looking down would only instill fear I decide against it close my eyes and take a leap. Weightless, I felt like I was flying. I felt free and like I had all the time in the world. The urge to see the beauty of everything from a view so high in the sky overpowered the logical side of my brain. Unconsciously opening my eyes, I glance down and panic begins to set in. I was suddenly falling faster than I was when I had my eyes tightly shut. My arms begin flailing around recklessly, looking for anything to hold on to stop the expeditious pace in which I was descending . My eyes widen as the view of the grass appears closer; I wrap my arms around the back of my head in attempts to reduce the impact of when I clash with the ground. My knees bend unwillingly and…pain. Excruciating pain…everywhere. I'm still on the grass immobile with my body positioned as an embryo in the womb. A pair of sleek black shoes appear in front of me. – Attempt 1 an utter, cretinous failure.