To deal with a broken heart is the bravest thing a girl could ever do.

We smile during dinner with our families and we cry with our faces under pillows at night.

We wear make up and talk with people and we brush these make up  off with our tears when we're no longer talking to anyone.

We post public charming selfies on Facebook and Instagram and we hide every piece of heartbreak in our diaries that we keep private.

We slay with all our OOTDs and get frustrated because that one person we dress for doesn't even lay eyes on us.

We continue to build ourselves though we know how broken we are.

We accept the fact that it was never our fault to be pursued by a guy who just ended up changing his heart after some time.

We accept the fact that after getting us into a relationship, some other girl will replace our spot.

We accept the fact that we can do nothing about it because when the guys say it's over, it's fuckinq over.

Or maybe we are just getting used to it...

We are forcing ourselves to swallow acceptance...

Because we are girls...

And girls are meant to be broken by those damn guys.

...

"That is so... sad." I looked up only to find out Claya's face na nakatutok sa latop ko.

"And so stupid." She added and rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, Serra. How can you move on kung lahat na lang ng sinusulat mo eh tungkol sa heartbreak mo? And hey, you need to write more meaningful things to get yourself back to your precious job which you lost beacuse of a dumbass jerk named Kin who's now enjoying his life with a bitchee." Litanya niya bago humigop ng kape.

"Daming sinabi psh." I saved the document and closed it. Humigop din ako sa kape kong nanlamig na.

"This is how I deal with my heartbreak. And just because I write these things doesn't mean I can't move on." I added. Cayla is my closest friend pero I don't know, pagdating kasi sa problemang pag-ibig, hindi ako komportableng pag-usapan. As much as possible, I want to keep it to myself. I wanna cry on my own. I don't want anyone to be bothered with my heart's problems 'cause I think it's not that important for them to deal with, too. Lahat naman tayo may kanya-kanyang problema. Dadagdagan ko pa ba yung sakanila?

I guess this is my strength. I can hurt alone. And I can get better alone.

"Sus, just because you say you are moving on, doesn't mean you ARE really moving on. Halata naman dyan sa pagmumukha mo na mahal mo pa din si Mr.-Forget-The-Name, duh."

I bit my lower lip. Do I really still love him? I guess, no. Maybe I am still thinking of him not beacuse I miss him. I keep on remembering him dahil naaalala ko palagi kung paano niya ako ginago. What I am feeling right now is not love. Ack. Screw that. I hate him. This hatred is making me wanna always remember him so I won't forget how I should hate him.

"Oh, speechless ang babae! Haynako. Sinasabi ko na nga ba. Okay, I am going na. Papasok na ako sa work na dapat sana kasabay kita eh kaso kung gaano nagloko ang ex mo eh ganon ka din nagloko sa trabaho. Enlightenment on you please! Get your acts together, lady. Bye, see you later, mwa!" Then she rushed outside. I sighed. Everything she said was right. Alam ko naman na ang gaga ko din para pabayaan ang trabaho ko dahil lang iniwan ako ng lalake. I know I fucked up. I am trying to fix myself. I just need time.

Cayla is a straightforward person and I have nothing against it. Yan nga ang nagustuhan ko sa kaibigan kong yun, eh. Prangka. Totoo. Right now, she's someone who is saving me from this mess. Mula ng mawalan ako ng trabaho, inampon niya na ako dito sa apartment niya.

My parents and family aren't aware yet na jobless na ang breadwinner nila. See? My life sucks. I am supposed to be a responsible eldest child in the family pero nagpagago lang sa lalake at nawalan ng trabaho dahil nasaktan at nagkalat. Bobita.

I am so sorry for what is happening in my life now. Ngayong nahimasmasan na ako, narealize ko kung gaano ako katanga para lang magpasira sa pag-ibig. I feel sorry for my parents. They are proudly talking about me, na may professional na silang anak, successful at nakakatulong sa pamilya. But here I am, lying about my current condition. Ang alam nila nandon pa din ako sa company at buwan-buwan sumasahod. Little did they know na yung ipon ko na ang ipinapadala ko buwan-buwan dahil kasalukuyan pa akong naghahanap ng trabaho. I am still trying to go back to my previous job and I am working hard for it dahil yun lang ang paraan para tanggapin ulit ako ng boss ko.

I feel sorry for everyone who hated me when I was broken. They saw how messy I was. Walang focus, walang motivation. As I was losing my heart, I lost some friends along the way.

But now I already figured out my biggest loss.

It wasn't my job nor the people around me.

It was myself whom I lost the most.

Pinunasan ko ang tumulong luha mula sa mga mata ko. I know I'm still not fine. But I know I'm gonna be fine.

I just need to forget.

I want to forget.

Pero langya lang. He keeps on messing with my mind! Lahat ng kilos ko, parang konektado pa din sakanya.

Damn those 3 years.

I looked at myself at the mirror and as usual, I talked to my favorite kausap-ang sarili ko. Tell me I'm crazy.

As I stare at my reflection, I felt a blaze in my chest. I needed to let it out.

"Kin Darien Amore. Gago. I swear to the end of the universe na kakalimutan kita. Lahat ng natitirang pagmamahal na nararamdaman ko sayo, itatapon ko katulad ng pagtapon mo sa tatlong taon na pinagsamahan natin. At kung pwede lang ibalik yung panahon na hindi pa kita kilala, pipilitin kong bumalik sa oras na yun. Uulitin ko yung mga araw na wala ka pa sa buhay ko. I will live the days where there was no You. I swear I will if I only had a chance."