6:00 A.M in the morning. We're done. I feel my eyes are giving up. I lay down in my bed, and Tommy is leaving this room. Tommy needs to go back home because his mom has called him. He said goodbye, and I nodded.
I need to take a lot of rest. I feel my body giving up. I saw a picture above the table, and I take it. I cried. Dear reality. Don't remind me of what happened yesterday. I don't want to see my self crying in front of the mirror. I've got a moment to take this. Not now. I need to rest my mental and physical health. I took my notes and ballpen. The design of my notes is a flower. It's from Dangwa and was a long time ago when I buy it. This flower is my gift for my mom when her birthday. I stare the brown with yellow of it then remove my eyeglass. I hold my breath in several seconds and exhale.
I heard the step coming from the stairs, and I guess he's dad. I want to talk to him. I woke up in a hurry then I see him with another woman.
"Who is she?" I asked my dad with a high voice.
"Who are you? You're just my son. Stop acting like your concern with me! First of all, you're the reason why I'm devastated! You're so stupid!"
He slapped me, and I fall into the floor. I feel hurt. I think my cheeks are burning. I stared at him. I see on his face the resentment.
"Why you do this to me? You are a worthless person! I wish mom are alive, and you die!"
He walks towards me and holds my t-shirt.
"You didn't know what I feel every single day! I want to be happy, and I want to be free with this kind of situation!" He shouted at me.
My tears were falling. I can't stop my feeling, and I want to control it. This is the second time dad's hurting me.
I went into my room and packed my things. I want to leave this house. I want to set my life free. I'm tired of being a stupid son. I know. No one can feel my hurt, especially with dad.
I saw the picture of mom and dad. They are so happy, unlike now. Dad is the opposite version of an old dad. I don't want to see him again with a mad face. He was always blaming the dark of yesterday.
"Acerio you're such a stupid!"
I walk out of this house and face the pouring rain. My dad can't stop me until I getaway. I didn't know where I'm going. I'm just walking. Walk while crying in the middle of nowhere.
Why I'm so stupid? I do all my best for being a good son in my dad's eye. Is it not enough? I don't like to see him devastated. But how about me? I'm his son. First of all, this situation makes me down, and also my self-esteem slowly fades.
I stepped into the wet floor. I feel the cold from the hard wind. I bite my lower lip, and my phone has rung. My phone is covered with 8/11 plastic. I don't see the name of the caller. I attached my phone in my ear while I'm growling.
"Hello? Who's this?" I asked.
"Hello bro?! Where are you? Your dad told me you left at your house." Tommy said with a worried tone.
"I-I'm h-here in Caroma street," I said with trembling voice.
"Okay, please stay there! I will help you!"
"Thank you, Bro!"
I sitted on the wall of the water passage and thinking about me. I'm tired. Please god. Take me now! I want to feel free! I don't want to live. Please!
I heard a voice from the Consnova post. I see Tommy withholding a yellow umbrella. He walks towards me, and he helps me to care for my things.
He gave me a slicker, and I wear it, after that, I say thank you.
The sound of falling rain in the rusty roof is confusing me.
After a few minutes, we're now in front of Tommy's house. He welcomes me and I didn't see his parents.
"Where're your parents?" I asked.
"Ah, they're in the United States for business." He said in weakly sound.
I see the extensive room of Tommy. There's a lot of comic books on the wall and pictures of Philippine Mythologies. I was amazed at Tommy's collections. I sit in the soft chair. I can't hear any sound of wind in this room. So clearly silence.
I arranged my things before I go into the Comfort Room for taking a bath. The presence of an air condition room are creeping in my skin.
"Do you really know what's your decision?" Tommy's said while he getting blankets and pillows in the black cabinet.
"Yes, my dad has not really loved me. I need to take a break and I will be thinking a lot about this. Dad's make me an unworthy son." I said. With flowing tears.
"How about your dad? Acerio, listen. If your dad does not love you. He should not be taking you to the school or give your needs. You should give him a lot of patience. Your dad is a victim of depression and he not wishing that." Tommy's said.
Well, Tommy has right. I bite my lower lip and I go into the C.R. I removed my clothes and opened the shower. I set it into warm then I closed my eyes. The warm water flowing in my body. I'm really anxious because of this happening. I'm so sorry dad. But I don't want to see you right now. Just give me a lot of time to calm my self before I go back there.
What's my purpose in this world? The world is full of cruel people. Sometimes I want to commit suicide because of anxiety.
The problem in school. The problem in the house. The problem in my surroundings and also the problem by me.
My tears falling down again and I saw the hanging scissor in the door.
I took it and attached it to my wrist while my arms are trembling. I think. This is an answer to the question that I have been asking.
I slowly slide the blade of scissors in my wrist. The red blood is flowing and I didn't feel any hurt. The memories of yesterday have now appeared in my imagination. I heard the laugh of mom while we are playing in the middle of the rain.
"Mom, look! I make a small boat!"
"Oh? Can I see it?"
"But dad's wants to destroy it," I said with a worried voice.
"Just ignore you dad okay? Now, can I see your artwork?"
I gave my artwork to my mom and she smiles widely. She really appreciates my work. That is not the first when my mom confident about having a son like me.
"Wow! So beautiful, do you wanna play with it?"
"Yes! Do you believe that boat is not sinking immediately?" I asked my mom while scratching my head.
"No sweetie, you know why?"
"Why?"
"If you can trust your work and believe in your self. No need to worried, because the determination is here in your artwork. Every single second is equivalent to your passion. If you set a lot of time to do this, you should not be worried. I believe in you, sweetie." Mom holds my cheeks and squeezes. My cheeks turn to red because of the force coming from her hands.
"Do you think I would be a professional writer in the future?"
"Yes, absolutely yes."
I hug her so tight and kissed.
"O, what are you waiting for, drop the boar now!"
I released the boat in my hand then It's now floating. It went with the flow of water on the road. I smiled. Now I believed to my mom.
"Mom! Do you see my boat! Still alive!" I said.
"I told you son, believe to your self and you will succeed."
I heard the voice of Tommy outside. He shouted to me but I'm sleeping here on the floor of C.R while the water from the shower is still falling. I feel the pain in my wrist, my drops of blood are blending in the water. I took my eyeglass then I wear it. I opened the door then I saw the face of Tommy and he holding his phone. I see the picture of my dad in the profile of the caller.
"Your dad want's to talk to you."
He gave me the cellphone then I heard the voice of my dad.
"Sorry, Acerio! Please come back here. Forgive me and let me get even with you." Dad said while crying.
"Yes dad, I will come back but let me take a short of time to calm my self," I said.
I drop the call and Tommy has smiled at me.