    Crowling in despair, imprisoned within a cage, can a flower bloom through rough rocks? Eighteen years and still, the cage keeps getting smaller, death is a blessing she always seeked. It's tiring. She wondered all the time, why is she still alive all along, what's her purpose?! Why won't she die peacefully without having to endure this much! Now the talk with herself shall continue until a merical appears and change how her life story flows differently.
I'm used to a lot of things not much people are use to. Oxygen masks, injunctions, Defibrillators and surgeries one to another. I don't know what's like to walk, see, talk or move. These are just things I learned from mama reading me some books and from the audio books, of course she sings me some songs too, this is where I learned common knowledge and vocabulary.
Normal is a superpower that I don't have, Things were complicated as a kid but now i can imagine objects and putting scenes Through a play, I'm used to stuff now more then ever, even pain makes life more adventurous for someone like me.
Knowing that most of my family despise my existence makes me feel bad for myself, I only exist in my head, no one knows if I'm just a scale with a beating heart or a useless being expecting my funeral in a tick. I used to rapidly pray "O God please take my life" but her voice that pours the cold on my blazing heart every morning with a "good morning Anna, I hope you had a pleasant night dear" I can't respond as always, my heart is a mess of emotions, I want to hold her and say "I'm fine mama, I'm doing great, I've slept well.", " I brought a really interesting book, I'll read it for you." I can hear her shoes squeaking across the room, she wants to open the curtains as usual, " a little sunshine can fix the mood as always." I felt the fresh air softly brushing on my skin, it always felt pleasant. she sighed and grabbed a chair near my bed, "I'll read you this book, it has great reviews online!" I felt she was excited more than I was, of course I enjoy hearing stories, it's an escape from reality I guess.
Her voice was soothing and calming I couldn't take my focus off of her voice,"Okay love, I've finished the story it was pretty fun, wasn't it!" Her tone was a bit higher than usual, I can guess she liked the story too much, it was pretty thrilling actually. it's crazy how time goes by fast when she is with me. "We'll need to check on her Mrs. Edith, we beg your parden, we have some checkouts for Anna, I think we need one weak at least to see if she needs any internal operations and so." The talk cut to just that, she caressed my hand, " see you Anna." Her breath went uneven, she's obviously nervous, it's the same reaction every time. Mama was determined for my hospital admission and treatments, sometimes I really pity her, she never, not even once in her life doubted my recovery. Many hospitals refused me as their patient, we had to travel through an air ambulance to a hospital capable of putting up with my condition.
"She insisted to stay overnight, I don't know.", "she must love her daughter so much, what a pity." Again with people talking thinking I can't hear anything, it's funny, I know the world's history from being a listening wall, even secret affairs, I know all of them, just how crazy my life is? "Let's proceed with the magnetic resonance." Sighs, I can tell that they are trying their best but my cure isn't this, they all know what it is, it's a remedy four to five people can buy every five years. mama ordered it five years ago aside from it's high expenses and she will receive it any month now. They are trying to to keep this body of mine as summit as possible until my cure arrives. This medicine might not be a succes but it's worth trying, mama waited so much for me and did the impossible, it's just right for me to hope it'll work and make her happy this once in my life.
"1....2....3!", The silence and tension atmosphere infuses the room making me incapable of breathing, The severe electric sound that rings in my head before feeling the pain is quite interesting, on another hand, it can't be handled when the heat runs blistering through my bones, I end up waking up on a another good morning from mama without remembering anything, drawing a blank on how many days I've been unconscious. In one point of thinking to another I eventually forgot the ache and soreness, but when I sober up, The agony takes up my routine as regular.
"You've done a good job, I'm so sorry" Her voice was quavering, her breath went unsteady. "The medicine will be arriving three weeks from now. I hope time passes by faster" she said with her rugged voice from staying up all night. "Mrs, Edith. Anna needs more rest. The last session was really hard on this body of hers." the doctor said dismissing mama. her hand rustled on the edge of my bed leaving a trace of uneasiness behind her, but it can't be helped, I can't do anything about it, she left the door with a "thanks for understanding." From the doctor. Will things change? Can I make her happy one day?
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