The music was filling her soul, it is one thing that always talked to her. The mic felt heavy in her hand and she started to sing.
*"I wake up every morning with my head up in a daze
I'm not sure if I should say this, fuck, I'll say it anyway
Everybody tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
I don't know if it's a phase, I just wanna feel okay, yeah
I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressin' or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
Yeah, it's not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit everyday
And it's probably 'cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me"*
Lucian stared at her wide-eyed, 'This song. It was connecting to his immortal soul." His foot started tapping with the way she was singing or rather rap-singing.
*"'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular monster
I think I'm going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze
Every wall that I knock down is just a wall that I replace
I'm in a race against myself I try to keep a steady pace
How the fuck will I escape if I never close my case?
Oh my God, I keep on stressin', every second that I waste
Is another second sooner to a blessing I won't take
But my therapist will tell me that I'm going through a stage
Yeah, it's not a fucking stage, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Motherfucker, now you got my attention
I need to change a couple things 'cause something is missin'
And what if I were to lie, tell you everything is fine?
Every single fucking day I get closer to the grave
I am terrified, I fell asleep at the wheel again
Crashed my car just to feel again
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me
'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular fucking monster
Yeah, here we go again, motherfucker, oh
We're sick and tired of wondering
Praying to a God that you don't believe
We're searching for the truth in the lost and found
So the question I ask is, oh, where the fuck is your god now?
'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster
I break down, falling into love now with falling apart
I'm a popular, popular monster
I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer
I'm a popular, popular monster"*
Christine finished her high growl, the music had lifted her up and brought her back crashing to earth. This was her soul song, this was what she felt every day after she left Markus to rot in jail.
She had to pick up her pieces, she had to be careful who she let in her life. For every wall, she knocked down there was already a new one to replace it.
The people that were at El Diablo started cheering and most were clapping. The waiter was ecstatic he ran to the stage. "Miss! That was bloody brilliant."
Christine blinked, it took her a moment to realise where she was. "Thank you," her face flushed crimson and she looked where Lucian was waiting at their table, he was grinning.
She put the mic back in the stand and walked down from the stage, her legs were wobbling. The adrenaline was wearing off, did she just sing in front of all these people?
She will not do it again, she reached the table and sat down again. Lucian still had a stupid grin on his face.
"I should say, Miss Parkins." He looked into her eyes. "That was one hell of a performance."
She looked down to her now, empty plate. "You are exaggerating, Lucian."
He picked up his beer and took a long sip. "I am not, I have felt all the emotion you put into singing that song."
Christine didn't look up, no one could understand the struggles she had gone through. This song had saved her numerous times when she had thought about suicide.
The power that music had over one's well being was enormous to what a self-help book could give you.
She had tried self-help books but fell asleep in the first chapter. So she tried the cheaper version and that was listening to music, it helped with her rage that she felt.
Music helped her with her depression and made her rise from the ashes, to be a better person. Not religion, not a self-help book just pure music.
"Did I say something wrong?"
She sighed inwardly, he didn't say something wrong. The problem was with her, she couldn't tell him how fuckt up she was inside.
Her therapist that she had talked to after what happened with Markus, told her in so many words that it was her fault that he had acted the way he did.
She stopped seeing him after the third session, she had locked herself in her apartment and didn't come out for weeks. She hadn't talked to anyone but Neo that was until she betrayed her too.
"No- I am just overwhelmed."
Lucian blinked, he didn't believe her for one bit. She looked as if she was having an internal struggle with herself. "I am going to ask you a personal question."
Christine's attention snapped to him, why? Well, she had to give him something she guessed, this was, get to know me better dinner.
"Who hurt you?"
She stiffened at his question, that was one question she was not willing to answer at this stage. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
Her words stabbed him in the heart, okay, she was still not willing to open up to him yet. This song that she sang told him a whole different story.
"I won't press you any further."
She blinked, so he did see through her lie and he was being smooth about the rejection. "I don't know you really well yet, so maybe in a couple of months?"
A couple of months? He didn't have that time, women in this day and age were really troublesome. "I am not going to rush you, so let us enjoy ourselves before leaving this place.
She smiled at him, "Thank you." He waved the waiter over again, the waiter was practically running to them. "Something else?"
Lucian nodded, "Two more beers please." The waiter bowed, "Coming up!" He looked at Christine before leaving again. "You were on fire, Miss."
Christine smiled at him, she turned her head towards the empty stage. It was such a shame that no one wanted to sing anymore.
She turned back to Lucian, "Tell me about what you do."
Lucian looked St his empty glass, "I am a musician as I have said when we first met. I played at the club of the damned."
"Have played?"
He nodded, "Yes, the club closed down for a bit so I am staying with a friend."
She waited for him to continue but he didn't, the waiter brought them their beer and left again. "Are you going to travel with your music?"
He picked up his glass, "No. Well, I don't know, it all depends on what happens in the months to come."
That sounded depressing, she had to throw the question out there to determine if she could let him into her life. Usually, if there are musicians they would leave on months in the end.
"What does it depend on?"
Lucian took a sip from his beer and almost choked on it. He couldn't answer her question that would bring her only more confusion.
The thing was if he lied she might as well decide to have nothing to do with him anymore. He opened his mouth to answer when her phone started ringing.
"I am sorry," she took the phone out of her pocket and her face turned ashen. It was the unknown number again.
Lucian saw the worry in her face, "What is wrong?"
She tried to put the phone away quickly but he grabbed for it and looked at the screen. Christine was reaching for her phone but he kept it out of reach and answered it.
"Hello?"
"Who is this?"
"The question here, is who are you?"
"It has nothing to do with you."
Lucian listened closely if he could hear some background noises but there was none. The voice spoke again.
"Are you fucking her?"
Lucian didn't like how this person sounded over the phone, Christine made a grab for the phone again but Lucian batted her hand away.
"What is it to you?"
"So you are fucking her. I will make sure to end you with her."
"Look you sick fuck, if you harm her I will find you and make you suffer."
The voice laughed, it was menacingly and yet creepy at the same time. "If you can find me, but I am always watching from the shadows."
The phone went dead, Lucian turned his head towards Christine who was still as white as a sheet. "Who was that?"
She bit her lip, "I do not know, it was the same number that phoned me before we met up."
No wonder she was so shaken up about that. "I will walk you home."
That was sweet of him to offer and the truth is she didn't think she would be able to go home alone after this. "Thank you, I don't think I would be able to be alone tonight."
That was what he wanted to hear, not that he liked the way it led to those words but he had to work with what he got.
"I am a gentleman, Miss Parkins."
*Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ronald Radke
Popular Monster lyrics © BMG Rights Management