UNCERTAINTY. A feeling that makes you feel scared. It fills you with anxiousness and doubt. It unlocks your insecurities and exposes your fears hidden deep down within. This was the current emotional standing of Anna Davenport as she sits on the single couch in the corner of her bedroom, while holding a warm cup of coffee on her right hand.
It was pouring heavily outside and the weather was the only excuse her mom could come up with to prevent her from heading back to the hospital, having spent a whole week there without giving herself a break. As she lay back on the sofa, she stares at her white flower patterned ceiling with full focus, like it had, written on it, the answers to all the questions running through her mind.
The heavy rainfall and loud thunderstorms wasn't enough to subdue to continuous ringing of the 911 siren and the whole scene that happened a week ago, kept replaying in her mind while leaving her devastated.
A week and some days ago, Anna was still going over the preparation plans for her wedding with her mum and the joy that she felt was so overwhelming she couldn't wait to officially tie the knot with the love of her life. But it was certain. Right now, she wasn't happy, she wasn't sad. She was broken and in pain.
Nature wasn't so pleased with how well things were going for her and decided to throw some shit her way. And Anna never saw herself leaving this emotional phase.
A quick beep from her phone draws Anna's attention back to her moody surrounding. With her given nature, she was the type to create a surrounding that fits her mood and right now, in her devastated state, only a slightly dim light was left on in her room. All her windows were covered with curtains, leaving no space for a ray of light and a slow classic from the 90's silently echoed through the room.
Despite being a doctor and having spent so many years in a hospital, the past one week for Anna, has made her dread being in the hospital and all she wanted was a few hours break from it. She decided to come home and take a quick shower before heading back, when the rain decided to keep her trapped in the building that had both hers and Josh's scent.
"I'll call you honey, if it's a good news or a bad news. No news from me means nothing new." Mrs. Davenport had said earlier in the day when she called Anna, to discourage her from heading back to the hospital under the heavy rain.
So Anna's phone beeping means it was either a good news or a bad one, but deep down her mind kept pushing her towards the negative option. Maybe by ignoring her phone, she could still remain in the dark and save herself from what was yet to come. The good or the bad. But could she hide forever?
The phone beeps a second time, this time longer than the first, which means it was a call and not a text message. Now she was anxious. She was scared and her heart beat wouldn't slow down a bit. To keep herself distracted from her phone, Anna had hidden it under her pillow, which she now holds on her left hand as she uses her right hand to pick up the phone.
The caller Id showed it was her mom. She stares at the phone for a few seconds more before picking it at the fifth ring.
She clears her dry throat and finally speaks up, "hey"
"Honey, I'm so sorry."
As those words left her mom's mouth, so did Anna's tears find their way down her cheeks, non-stop. Her fear had finally come to a reality and no matter what anyone said, nothing could change it.
"What's wrong mum?" she finally musters up the courage to speak in between tears.
"He has been declared brain dead. I'm sorry honey."
And those words marked the beginning of Anna's lonely yet carefree and outgoing life. A world she created to escape her reality.