"Becky, if you touch me I'll kill you!" when he worded this threat Emett's face was set as hard as a piece of granite, however, listening himself saying it made him smile and then laugh. "Am I insane? I must be. Why else do I tell you to stay away?!" his laughter echoed through his library.
Rebecca who had moved a couple of inches away from him after hearing his menacing tone now asked wounded, "What is so funny? Am I making jokes?"
"No. Definitely not. I am the one who is acting like a nineteen year old virginal maiden!" the astonishment and pleasant surprise marring his face made Rebecca curious as well.
"You look and seem so different, these six months have change you, Emett. Something happened that you would like to talk to me about?"
"I am not different...tell me what have you been up to lately, how is London?" Emett's evasiveness wasn't lost on Rebecca but she didn't pursue that line of subject, she was dying to tell him all about her London adventures. She was hoping that when he heard about her exciting city life that he'll quit his residence in the countryside and move to London with her, they were foolish dreams and she was a foolish woman but she couldn't help feeling vulnerable where he was concerned, she had loved him and only him for as long as she could remember. They were cousins and very close to each other; they had played together as kids and had grown up together, considering the other as their best friend. Both their fathers ardently wished that their children's friendship find its natural progression to love and then marriage, Rebecca also believed that she and Emett shared an eternal bond, she just wished that Emett realize it also.
"The city life is so fast and entertaining Emett, the balls have such large gatherings there, during your studies at Oxford you had hardly had time to visit us let alone become a part of all these festivities. I wish you'd come to London with me, so I could show you how I live, you won't be sorry!"
"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I can. You know how much work I have piled up here. It might take me a whole year before I can finish attending to the business papers on this table," Emett's congenial banter was just a way of avoid the more pressing issues; he was not naive he knew she wanted him to marry her and move to London. Her reason behind giving him an invitation was as clear as staring at the light blue sky on a bright sunny day. He, however, didn't take the bait. It wasn't the first time she had subtly spoken of their marriage; it had been done more often than he cared to count. He felt so uncomfortable each time the subject came up, he desperately wished for an interruption so that Rebecca could stop talking about matrimony.
Emett knew that he had a duty towards his cousin, they had known each other all their lives, their relationship, if bloomed into romance, was certainly a matter of convenience and he knew his father and uncle's expectations from them. Rebecca was forthright about her love for him and all these years she had boldly shown him that she considered him to be hers, he had let her kiss and hold him in privacy but he had never made avowals of love like she had. He suddenly felt like a lecher everyone thought he was. Even Francesca preferred remaining at a distance from him. She was distrustful of him, probably with good reason. He considered for a minute the fact that he was hurting his own relation just for the sake of physical gratification; he knew he didn't love her and was never going to. His fleeting thought was that he should marry her anyway, since it was something everyone expected of them but he knew it wouldn't be fair to her, Rebecca deserved someone much better than him, someone who would love her, not hurt and use her like he had been doing all these years. He wished that she figure out how he felt about her and stop trying to develop and initiate something that was not a possibility, he was a tyrant of course, denying her the closure she'd get by a confrontation but he was what he was. Emett felt estranged by the convenience that became the part and parcel of his relationship with his cousin, he suddenly felt the need to end this charade and let the pieces fall where they may. He knew what he wanted and unfortunate as it was- it wasn't her. He was willing to break a kind, loving heart- animal!
He knew she was going to be very upset when he finally revealed to her his plans for them. He also knew that she might cry.
I can't handle women in tears, Emmett selfishly thought to himself.