I stared at him in shock, my ears ringing in the deathly silence of our bedroom.
"What?", i repeated hoping i'd heard wrong or i was imagining it, or something!.
"I had sex with Nicole" he answered wearily, hands fiddling with his cufflinks.
"What?, which Nicole", i asked smoothening my dress down nervously.
"Peter, tell me, please tell me you're not talking about my sister?"
"Yes", he sighed, discomfited.
"So you slept with my sister", 'so two of the most important people betrayed me', i thought, my teeth worrying my bottom lip.
"When?", i whispered, tears welling up, staring up at the ceiling, delaying the inevitable.
"When?", he asked incredulously.
"Yes, when Peter", i choked, gazing into his eyes, in hopes that this was an elaborate prank.
"Why do you need to know when", he sniffed, almost condescendingly.
"I would like to know when the love of my life, and husband fucked my sister!!", i screamed, he flinched instinctively, eyes widening from my harsh tone.
"It was when you went to get chemo", he coughed, looking away chagrined.
"You fucked my sister, when i was getting chemotherapy, when i was fighting for my fucking life?! ", i exclaimed, sobbing, looking around the bedroom for an answer, that i knew he couldn't give.
" How could you do this to me Peter? ", my voice quivering, " i trusted you, i loved you, how could you?!", i demanded, wiping the tears from my eyes-with my sleeves.
"I don't know, it just happened, you were sick, and tired, and i was so worried about you, she was there and she took care of everything, of me, and it felt good to be seen, one thing led to another", he sighed, shame-faced, eyes darting around the room, in lieu of looking at me.
"So let me get this straight: you slept with my sister, and ruined our marriage, because i was had cancer", i muttered, fiddling with my wedding ring, before taking it off, it felt light, almost weightless, i thought to myself, holding it in the palm of my hand, deliberating before putting it back on.
"Is that how you justified it to yourself, to her, i wasn't there and that's all it took", i scoffed, as he glanced at me with a hangdog expression on his face. Oh, how i ached to take his face in my hands, to tell him that i loved him, that everything would be okay, that i loved him, that i'd stay.
"How many times?", i asked, staring at his (beautiful) brown eyes (one of my my favorite things about him); for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.
" One.....", he muttered, abashed.
"What?", i probed, my voice cold, all trace of the tears gone, and probably not for good.
" A year", he groaned, his hands brushing the non-existent lint off his trousers, i could tell he was embarrassed; he used to do that alot when we started dating.
"So you and her fucked around, had affair, whatever you want to call it for a year", sneering as i said it.
" Why'd you wait so long to tell me", i demanded, staring at my sneaker clad feet, feeling like dinner was a lifetime ago.
"You were sick, then when you got better it just, never seemed to be a good time, so i just.....".
" You just, what Peter?, decided that our anniversary was a time, to say that you and my sister stabbed my in the back", i asked, my voice sounding odd even to me, 'i can't do this to myself again, i refuse to', i thought resolutely.
"I'm sorry flower", he blurted, looking red-faced.
"Don't you dare fucking call me that Peter", i sighed, running my hands through my short coily hair, trying not to ruin the style.
"I really am sorry, it's just one thing led to another and-".
" I trusted you, i gave you my heart, and soul; you and her of all people should know how hard it was for me, i gave you my soul, my heart and trust, layed everything i was and would be for you on silk and satin sheets, and you just looked me in the eye and spat on it; like i was worthless, and let me live a lie, for year!, a whole year!! Peter", i ranted, getting everything off my chest, feeling lighter, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.
"I'm so sorry, i just couldn't deal with everything, and i was so scared for you, of what could have happened, and she was comforting me and one thing lead to another, then another, and another, and before i knew it everything was just spiraling out of control, and she got pregna-".
"She's pregnant?!", i muttered, of course she's pregnant, of-fucking-course she's pregnant, good ole Nicki.
"Yes", he retorted, "she's about 3 months along, she threatened that either i told you or she would, and you how she can get", he said and we shared a commiserating smile and for that moment everything felt kind of normal.
Because, i did know how she could be, simply put, she was a massive bitch sometimes and would then play victim when the consequences came calling, and if that didn't work she'd call us for help, and we'd make a whole day of it.
"I can't, no i won't do this again", i groused, looking at him and looking at my wedding ring, and back at him, remembering everything all at once, if that's even possible: the day we met, our first date, the day he proposed, our beautiful magical wedding that i thought would last forever, before pulling off the ruby encrusted ring and handing back to him for the first time since he gave it to me and for the last time ever.
"Malina?!", he mumbled, face panicked. For the first time, since my diagnosis i could see fear and hurt in his eyes.
"I won't do this, you were sleeping with my sister in my home, in my sanctuary, while i lay dying in a hospital bed, i can't and won't ever forgive for this", i said dispassionately and resolutely, though my heart and soul were breaking; as silently i fell in love with him.
I stood up to leave, the house, him, i didn't know, all i knew was that i need to leave, now. As i passed by him he caught my arm, and looked up at me forlornly, bending over, i kissed his forehead.
"I hope your happy with her Peter, i hope it was worth it" i whispered into his ears, pulling his hands off mine, and left closing the door behind me with a soft click. Tears streaming down my face, it felt like the end; it was the end of my marriage, but it also felt like the beginning of something new and i was ready for a change.