"A major difference between calculus and the subjects which usually precede it in the mathematical curriculum is that calculus uses limiting process." Our calculus teacher, Mr. Sembrano, explained to us.
I keep writing down all the important details because I don't want to miss anything. The exam is in a few weeks and I have to study. I don't want to disappoint my parents especially my father.
I wanted to be a pianist ever since I was a kid. I wanted to study abroad and perform classic music like Chopin's Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 in front of many people. I wanted people to hear what my heart wants to say. But life is unfair. I had to forget my dream and follow what they want me to do. As the youngest daughter of the family, I can't do whatever I want to do in my life. I have to listen to what they say and always been.
They will be disappointed of me once I disobey them. I will the be the bad girl and I don't want to be like that. Ever since I was a kid, I have never felt their love for me. That is the reason why keep listening to them, doing things they like and doing my best to be the best. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to love me too.
That is also the reason why I followed my father's footstepsㅡto be an engineer. My father is the owner of the biggest company in our country. He is a best engineer and he already finished hundreds of projects since the day he was just starting. My mother is a lawyer. My eldest brother is a succesful engineer. He is so smart and I know that father will assign him as the heir of the company. The second child, my sister, is a doctor who works abroad. They are all succesful in life and I don't know why I still have to be one of them.
"Study page 95 and we will have a short quiz tomorrow. You are dismissed." Mr. Sembrano said before he left the classroom.
Everybody is happy for the class dismissal. It is lunch time. I don't usually eat lunch. Lunch time means study time to me. I packed my things and headed to the library.
"Renesmee!" Somebody called me before I opened the library's door. I turned around and my face turned red when I saw him running towards me. "You... you are really fast!" He said as he try to catch his breath.
"Why did you run?" I asked, trying to calm myself. My heart is beating fast and this is driving me crazy.
"I waited for you."
"Why?"
"It's lunch time."
"You know I don't eatㅡ"
"Let me bring these things for you," he said as he took the books and notes in my hand which made my heart flutter. "Let's go." He said as he held my hand.
I will faint anytime soon, my mind says. I couldn't say no to him. I looked at our hands. I can feel it againㅡthe butterflies in my stomach are going crazy.
There are a lot of people who wanted to hang out with me before but I ignored them. There are also people who followed me wherever I went, acting like they were my real friends. To me, they are just people who wanted to get close to me because I am from a wealthy family. They wanted to be famous especially that my family owns this university. However, Lawrence is different from those people. He doesn't care about popularity and wealth. He is my only friend.
We used to be classmates when we were in senior high school and it's really good to see him here everyday even though he's in taking up another course. He wants to follow his dream and that is to become a professional gamer. I envy him for having the freedom to follow his dream and I like him for being himself.
"What do you want to eat?" He asked me when we entered the university's cafeteria.
"Vegetable salad." I said.
He turned at me and smiled, "You really like that, huh?"
"It's healthy."
He nodded as he took his wallet from his pocket.
"Let me pay this time." I said and took my wallet in my bag and paid for our order.
"Then, I'll pay for the food next time." Next time. We are going to eat together next time.
"Sure." I smiled.
We sat on the corner and started eating. I feel awkward when he is around but I have to act normal. It would be more awkward if he knows what I truly feel for him.
"My classmate is going to celebrate her birthday on Monday and if you are interested, you can come with me." Birthday parties are boring.
"I have to study. Our exam is in three weeks."
"You always exhaust yourself in reading books and everything. You have to rest and enjoy your age."
"I enjoy studying."
"Do you?"
Do you? Do I really like it?
"Of course," I am not sure if it's a lie. "And you know I am not interested in things like that."
"Ren," he called me and looked at me with a serious face, "you have to open your heart to other people. Make some friends."
"I have you. You're enough." And I don't want anybody.
"I know. But I want you to have friends other than me because I can't promise you that I will always be by your side until the end."
It seems that my world stopped for a moment after hearing those words. What does that mean? Is he going to leave me?
"You are pushing me away." I stated.
"No." He shook his hand. "No, I am not. I just want you to have someone else aside from me who will always be by your side no matter what happens. I want you toㅡ"
"You really are pushing me away." I repeated. It hurts to hear those words. I feel like he is tired of me. My family doesn't love me and he is my only friendㅡbut this is happening. He is pushing me away.
"Of course, no." He tried to touch my hand but I took my hand away. "Listen to meㅡ"
I didn't let him finish his sentence and took my things. I can't bare to hear him say it. He is pushing me away, I know. He is saying good bye. I can't believe that he can do this to me.
Life is really unfair. Nothing is permanent. Everyone will leave me anyway.
I stopped walking when I heard my phone rang. My brother's calling me. We are not close to one another. He doesn't call me often and I am sure it's important.
"Hello?" I answered his call.
"We will have a family dinner at the Langston Hotel at 7 o'clock in the evening. Melissa just arrived from Australia." His voice never changed. Stern and cold.
"Okay." I replied.
He ended the call right after I replied. Me and my siblings are not close to one another. I still remember those days when I was in grade school, I wanted to play with them but they kept pushing me away. They kept doing things to make me cry, to make our father mad at me. I thought it was okay but when I grew up, I realized that they hated me.
I distanced myself. I decided to study in a school that is far away from our home. I don't want to cause any headache to them. And I moved out. My parents never disagree about me leaving our home. They even bought me a luxury condo near my school. I felt sad because I wanted them to stop me from leaving but it's okay.
I only have two classes this afternoon. When my class has ended, I immediately went to the parking lot and drove my car back to my condo. I changed my clothes. I wore a simple white dress and a pair of stilettos.
Today is Friday and I usually go to the beach every Friday to see the sunset. When I arrived at the beach, I stopped my car at the parking lot and opened the car's window and watch the sunset. I like this kind of scenery. This orange-dyed city is what I want to see when I am feeling sad. Lawrence doesn't want me to become his friend anymore and Melissa, my sister, has arrived. She hates me and I don't know how to face her.
"Don't run!"
There are kids who are playing and love birds who are spending their great time together. There are also people who are having a walk together with their dogs. How cute. They must be really, really happy with their life.
"Gosh, look at him."
"He is weird but look, he is handsome!"
I glanced at the group of girls who are talking and I saw what they are talking about. There is a man who is walking. He seemed confused and looking for something. He is indeed weird. I don't know how to describe his clothes but he look like he is ready for a war or something.
"Is he a cosplayer?" The other girl asked.
"He is handsome, isn't he?"
Handsome? I shook my head. I can't believe girls nowadays. I started my car's engine. Once, twice, thrice, it failed. Oh, no. Not now.
I opened the door and went to the front and checked my car's engine. It happened twice. There must be something wrongㅡagain.
"Miss, do you need some help?" A man in his mid 30's approached me.
"No, thanks." I answered directly.
"Your dress will get dirty." I didn't notice that there is also a man behind me. He patted my legs as if there was a dirt in it. I closed my eyes to calm myself.
"Let me help you. I can fix it right away." The first man who approached me told me as he went closer.
Men who doesn't respect womenㅡthis is what I hate the most. I tried my best to calm myself but I couldn't calm down.
"Do youㅡ"
"Does it make you happy, harassing a lady when she cannot even defend herself?" I wasn't able to finish my sentence when somebody interrupted. Who was that?
I stood straight and I saw that weird man beside me. He is looking directly at the two men who wanted to harass me.
"Who are you?" The guy who touched my leg asked this weird man beside me. Instead of giving him an answer, the weird man looked at them with a deadly stare. The two men panicked and walked away.
What?
I closed my car's engine. I opened the door and went inside. When I was about to close it, he stopped it with his hand.
"Is this how people in your world show their gratitude?" He asked coldly.
"I don't say thank you to people who said that I can't defend myself." I tried to close the door but he won't let go.
"You are telling me now that you can defend yourself," he said as he looked at me from head to toe, "with that weird clothes?"
I went out the car and crossed my arms across my chest. "Excuse me, Mr. Whatever-your-name-is. My clothes isn't weird, yours is. You are weird. Even the way you speak is weird. Everything about you is weird. Tell me, you are a cosplayer, right?" I rolled my eyes. He is so formal.
"It will be a long story to tell you about how my clothes were made and it seems that you will not be able to understand it. However, it will not take long to tell you that I am not a cosplayer and I do not have an idea about that." He moved closer to me. "And lastly, my name is not whatever-your-name-is. My name is Gusion. Mother did not blessed me a such beautiful name for you to call me that way."
"You talked too much."
"I just explained what you did not understand."
"Okay." I patted his shoulder. "I will let you win this time because it's already dark and I have to go now. Family dinner, you see. I can't be late."
When I turned my back at him, he suddenly grabbed my arm. I immediately held his hand to flip him on the floor. I failed. He grabbed my hand and pushed me on my car and pointed a sharp object on my neck. He is so close to me and he is staring me seriously.
"What are you doing?" I cleared my throat. He look so serious and the thing he pointed on my neck seems real. "Do you want to kill me?"
"Not unless you answer my question." He said in a cold tone.
"What?"
"Where am I?"
"Seriously?" I felt the sharp thing touched my neck and my whole body literally trembled in fear. "I was just asking!"
He moved away from me and the sharp thing on his hand disappeared. I blinked my eyes several times and didn't see anything again. What was that? I touched my neck and my heart skipped a beat when I touched a liquid in it.
"Blood..." my knees trembled when I saw blood in my hand and I gave in. Everything went black.