Magkaharap kami.
Magka titigan.
Walang bumibitaw.
And I'm okay with it.
I miss him. So much.
Parang mas lalo syang gumwapo.
"Are you hungry?" He ask.
I nod.
Why is he look so serious.
Hindi pa rin nya ako binibitawan ng tingin.
"What do you want?" He ask.
"I want Strawberry Shake" sabi ko.
I saw him smiled.
"Di ka parin nagbabago. Wait here, I will make you one" he said and stand up.
I look around. Nandito kami sa condo nya.
Wala namang masyadong nagbago.
Its still the same like years ago.
Ano kayang sasabihin nya?
Will I accept it and move on?
Kaya ko na ba?
Can i handle the pain?
But what if ayaw na nya?
And all he wants to talk is for our baby?
And daming katanungang pumapasok sa isip ko. At di ko namalayan na nasa harap ko na pala ang shake.
And when i smell the strawberry parang bigla akong naglaway.
Agad kong kinuha ito at parang batang feel na feel na sinipsip ang straw.
Ahhh! This is heaven!
I don't care about the paligid, all i care is myself, while sipping my strawberry shake.
"Ang sarap!" Usal ko na nakapikit pa.
I heard him chuckle.
I opened my eyes.
"What?" I ask.
"You're so cute. I missed you." He said.
"I notice that you are preoccupied a while ago. What are you thinking?" He ask.
"Questions. Many questions." Natawa ako.
This is it.
Napabuntong hininga sya.
"Okay. I will start, before you ask your questions." Sabi nya.
So i keep my mouth shut.
"Sige, susubukan kong di magsalita while you're talking" sagot ko na sumipsip ulit ng shake. Hmmm .. ang sarap talaga!
"I'll start on what happened in Baguio." He started. Alam kong nakataas ang kilay ko.
Oh, i really want you to start with that part.
"She's my Childhood friend from America. Her name is Cindy. Nong mga bata kasi kami, lagi kaming tinutukso na magpapakasal. Kaya ganon ang naging reaksyon nya. But believe me baby, i don't have any feelings for her." He started.
"Then how come i didn't know her Diken? We've been together for what? 10 years? Oo nga hindi tayo legal because we both have our reasons back then, but how come i didn't know that you have a childhood friend and her name is Cindy!" Sarcastic kong tanong.
I said i will shut up. Pero di ko napigilan.
"Because she's not that important" sagot neto
I smiled bitterly.
"Ayan ka naman eh. Hindi na naman importante. Lagi mo sinasabi yan. Kaya nag kanda letse letse ang relasyon naten eh." Halos napapaluha na ako.
"Nakakasakit sa akin yung mga hindi importante para sayo diken. Kasi saken importante yun eh. Yung kahit maliit na bagay na tungkol sayo, importante saken yun" patuloy ko.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that you're hurting .." he said.
"I am Diken. I am hurting. Ang sakit na may bigla na lang susulpot at sasabihin na sya ang pakakasalan mo." Sumbat ko.
Ewan ko ba. Sumabog na ako e.
I already reach my limit.
"Ang sakit na nakita kong naghalikan kayo ng kapatid ko. And worst, muntik ng may mangyari sa inyo" dagdag ko pa.
And i am crying.
Hindi ko alam kung anong iniiyak ko e.
Dahil sa mga kasinungalingan ni diken o dahil ubos na ang shake ko. Waaahh
"Calm down baby. Hush .. don't cry. Our baby. Please .." pagpapatahan nya. Nakayakap na sya sa akin
"I am so sorry. I am so sorry for being an asshole. Hindi ko na iisa isahin pero baby, i want you back." He said.
Should i accept him?
"Kaya ako umalis because i need to fix everything. I need to come clean to your dad. I need to talk to your sister. I need to talk to my parents. I need to say sorry. I need to forgive myself. Kasi mas mahal kita kesa sa pride ko." He said and he look so fucking sincere.
And he's crying.
Diken is crying.
Oh god!
I wipe his tears.
"Wag kang umiyak, pumapangit ka. Baka maging pangit din si baby sige ka" sabi ko.
And he laugh.
"I know he/she's not. Maganda't pogi kaya tayo" he said. Confident much.
"Wow. Mr. Boastful. Haha" i laugh.
I feel so much lighter than before.
At nakapag desisyon na ako.
Magsasalita pa sana sya pero .
I pulled him for a kiss.
"Don't talk and kiss me. I miss you too hon" i said and kiss him.
Fudge! I miss this!