I had had terrible experiences, especially with my first relationship that I thought will end up in marriage, but I never knew it was not in God's agenda for my life to settle in marriage with the person I thought I love, but it was a deliberate orchestration to teach me lesson to discover my purpose to have some basic knowledge in order to guide youths like me who would not depend on God to make the right choice when it comes to marriage. It is dangerous to follow your selfish desire to make choice, if you are on that track, quit and start all over again with God.
Deuteronomy 28: 28
The LORD will strike you with madness and blindness and confusion of heart.
My friend Onah Jonah Onah whom I squatted with, in his uncle's house during the period of my experiences with my ex-fiancée could attest to this, because he had the firsthand experience seeing what I suffered, the confusions and bitterness of heart, that made me not to allow him sleep, always groaning with deep pains, and he would always tell me, "You will kill yourself, Jennifer will go and marry and enjoy her life, since you choose not to free yourself, you are on your own o!". Onah was such a sweet friend, a friend that sticks closer than a brother, we had and do everything in common. I was still never giving up Jennifer, but God was never stopping to deal with me by revealing His Word that exposes my selfishness and strong headedness, not letting go Jennifer. Truth hurts; therefore, our first response to truth is resistance. God spoke further to me, after I had had a dream about her, a very nasty dream that she was terribly sick and I went to visit her in the hospital. Her condition was very critical, because she was not talking. The moment she saw me in the dream, she started, exposing her nakedness. When I cover her up, she will open up herself again. I will cover her up again she will still open herself up again and again. So I woke up from that dream, knowing fully well that it was a warning signal to me. I still didn't want to give up Jennifer, despite all that has been happening in the past, how she had done things that literally, if I sit back to think, I will just conclude, I am the most stupid man on earth. She became so unfaithful, following Muslim married men with wives, but I was never giving up on her. Since my experience with Jennifer did not claim my life, then, no carnal relationship in life can, because with Jennifer, my heart was literally falling down, and I had to use my hand to hold it for it not to drop, even when I am in the office. This was exactly how I felt, that if I don't hold my head, it will literally drop down. My Colleagues like Barnabas, Simi, Esther, Grace and Aunty Sophia Ameh in National Film Institute, Jos, Plateau state, could attest to this fact. I was never giving on up Jennifer and God was never giving up on me. I was fighting to have Jennifer; God was fighting to have me. I have never seen a patience God like my God. He gave me a million and one reasons to quit my relationship with Jennifer, but it was as if I was cursed to stick to Jennifer. God now spoke to me in an accent loud and clear through Deuteronomy 28: 30 which states "You shall betroth a wife, but another man shall lie with her..." This Scripture changed my mindset, I now started reducing my speed, and the more I withdraw, the more she also withdraws, until she did something terrible again, I called to talk to her after she lied, and she didn't pick up my calls. Since then till now I have not heard from her, and it is over 5 months with respect to the period we spoke last. What actually happened was that, I sent her a voice note; I titled "The Temptation and the fall", immediately she received the chat message, not up to five minutes, I discovered she had blocked me on Whatsapp chat. I called to confirm, she denied it that she did not. I used my Glo line to check, and I discover she was still on Whatsapp…. Since she did not call back, I decided to let go and God told me instantly, son! Now I can talk to you, because you will have my time now. It took me time to let go the thought of Jennifer, because, she seems to have possessed me so much, I cannot explain why. But I think, it was because, I was selfish not to let go her for God, and God was also, jealous not wanting to let me go for Jennifer whom the devil would have used to truncate the purpose of God's program for my life. When you have a Divine purpose, a lot of things will come in to distract you, directly or indirectly, but I blessed God for His grace, He never gave up on me, even when I failed Him a million and one times, He just loved me from His infinite love.
I am God's choice course program; He just couldn't choose to carry me over even when I had failed Him a million and one times, instead of writing me off, He just keep rewriting me in love, correcting and revealing to me the reason why I cannot exist without Him, the reason why I cannot succeed, except with Him, I love the way He Fathers me, He is my God, I am His love, and nothing can separate me from Him.
Immediately I let go my relationship with Jennifer, things started turning around for good and lines started falling for me in pleasant places and I also started having a clearer sense of vision and purpose, with clear direction to see crystal clear into the reality of my Divine Program (Purpose) having known, loving the Lord is my dream come true, so I had to start living my fulfilled dream, because His mind for me is beyond my dreams and my greatest aspirations. I became much closer to God and it was in the course of this period, I started writing some books with deep revelation secrets, titled "The Reality of the Forbidden Fruit", and "Marriage: watch it!" these two books were simultaneously written in the light of Divine grace and enablement, having turned away from my selfish and deliberate ignorant ways, into the heart of God where I could read all of His thoughts concerning me. God taught me volumes and had great mysteries revealed to me beyond the confines of my thoughts. I was not and I am not still worthy of His grace, the least of all men to enjoy what I am enjoying now, stubborn and strong headed, but He never stopped loving me and drew me to Himself.