RONI
My eyelids were heavy but I tried to open them again. My whole body is aching everywhere and I can't seem to even sat up. I blinked when my eyes finally opened. I winced when I felt a stab of pain in my chest. I inhaled deeply as I slowly sat up, ignoring the excruciating pain in the lower part of my body. I adjusted my vision from the blinding lamp before finally realizing where I am. I'm inside once again. Inside a cave filled with fluorescent lamps on each side of the walls. I picked up a scent of disinfectant and a lemon tea from a meter away.
I'm in a hospital bed with needles on each side of the arm. There's also a small monitor that shows my vital status. An off-white satin curtain hang in front of me, blocking my view of what's out there. My legs are filled with bandages and I can still see a stain of blood from the hem of my shirt. My pants was filled with dirt and some of the denim were torn. I tried to lift my leg but it didn't even budged a little. Did they put some anesthesia on my legs? I panicked a little and momentarily touched my plastered wounds. I didn't feel anything. They did injected me some sort of liquid to lessen the pain. But anesthesia isn't good when you're...
The curtain moved to the other side and a young woman came in. She was wearing a lab gown and her face is slightly covered because of the mask. She has a stethoscope around her neck and a clipboard on her left hand.
"Oh. You're up." She uttered, surprised. "Wait here a minute. I'll call Dr. Salazar." She added as she hurriedly scuttle to the outside. I caress my forehead until I touch the bandage on my frontal lobe. There's also a thin bandage on my right cheek and I can feel the stitches on the wound. I subconsciously touched my stomach and slowly draw some small circles on it. Did they took the baby out? Anesthesia isn't good for pregnant women. I stifle a cry and tears came raging down to my face after I realized what really had happened. Because I wasn't sharp enough, the operation was a disaster. A lot of my men died on that cave. My body's distorted and because of the grave wounds I have, I have just aborted my child.
My friends rushed to my side when they saw me crying. Prim cried too when she held my hand. Lauren wiped my tears and smiled to ease my burden. Matt and Art stood in front of the bed checking my injuries. I leaned closer to Jack when he kissed my head and hushed my cries. I'm feeling more guilty and at fault now that they're all here. And I don't know how to explain and what to say but I need to know what happened to my baby.
"Shhhhhh. You're safe now." Jack whispered softly. I shook my head and tried to speak. "How about the baby?" I asked. They all exchange some stares before everyone left except Jackson. He sat on the bed and squeezed my hand tightly with eyes full of longing. "Why didn't you tell me?" His voice cracked, he's in pain and it's my fault. I'm the one who should be blamed.
"I'm sorry." I whispered as tears sprung again, making it hard to breathe. "When did you found out?" He calmly asked this time. I gritted my teeth and stare down at my fingers laced together.
"Before we bound for Delphilia." I answered, voice still shaking. I can't look at him nor glanced a little at the man I love the most. I'm too afraid. Afraid to find his expression. He has the every right to get furious at me but still, it scares me. We both fell silent for a minute. Trying to give each other a moment to think about it. I bit my lip when I averted my gaze and saw him shut his eyes with a pained expression. It makes my heart shatter into a thousand pieces.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I felt happy yet I was unsure of it. We're going for a big break in our careers and having a baby is not a great timing that's what I thought. I.. I wasn't quite sure knowing the dangers in this expedition." I explained, eyes still full of unwashed tears.
"But why didn't you tell me?!" He asked again and this time his voice rose a few decibels. "I don't want to hinder everyone's future." My voice almost sounded like that of a lonely child. "Including me?" Jack shouted. "Especially you!" I fired back. "I don't want you to stray from the path you've made Jack!" I added amidst the rage and anger boiling towards us. "You can't blame me." I said quietly.
"Fuck." He cursed as he throw the chair around making a loud noise. I yelped. "I would've stop this expedition the other way around. Whether because of the baby or the truth about your research." Jack's fuming mad and the veins on his arms protruded when he held me by the arm. I struggle at his grip. He's hurting me.
"We could've sorted this out. If I had found either of that out, I could've thought of a way for you to be safe. For our baby."
Our baby. That sounds heartwarming to me like a gentle touch of a ray of sun. It broke my heart again. Jack teared up and there's nothing that I can do to ease his pain. "But you choose to do this on your own, Roni. Now everything's falling apart."
With that, he left me alone in the makeshift room crying. He left but still carried the weight of my selfishness while I was alone with nothing but myself. He was right. If I told him everything, we wouldn't be here in the first place. I covered my face with my hands and weep in pain and sadness. Jack loathed me more than when he found out about the werewolves. I wouldn't expect for his forgiveness. I deserve all of this. The curtain swung to the other side. Prim popped out and smiled at little at me. She immediately hugged me and slowly caressed my back, careful not to touch my wounds.
"Cry it all. I'm here for you." She softly whispered to my ear. My heart sank. She's comforting me without the knowledge of my betrayal. The lie I told to cover up everything. "I know this is a tough time for you and if there's anything that I can do, I would gladly do."
Prim, I'm sorry.
"If you're ready, we can talk about this."
I don't think I can ever talk to you about it.
I pulled out of her hug and wiped my tears away. She held my face and helped me wipe it. Her hands were tender and her blue eyes that makes me adore her was filled with love. "I don't know why some of our batch mates think you are pretty when you looks so ugly while crying. Did you put a spell on them or something?"
I laughed a little and slapped her shoulder lightly while I wipe my nose with the blanket. This is Prim's specialty; cheering you up when you're down. "Funny how you're all mad at me for the decision I made." I tried to sound nonchalant as possible but the shattered voice made it sounds like a sarcasm. "We're friends. Of course we argue a lot but you're hurt and making you feel better is a must." She rolled her eyes after. I grasped for more air. I need to ask her about what happened, I have to.
"Uhm... W-what happened to my.. team?" I asked quietly. "You sure about that?" I nodded as an answer to her question. I'm a little nervous and my heart won't slow down. The enlightenment to my unbalanced thoughts may kill my soul completely.
"When all of you were screaming on the other line, we all dismissed our research plans and decided to check out on you." Prim started. "It was around four thirty in the afternoon when we reached your post. We saw you lying on the ground just a meter away from the cliff."
I don't remember landing near it but if that's the case then good thing I didn't move. If I fell on a two hundred foot drop, I would be gone by now.
"I tried to stop the bleeding on your leg but it was so deep. Jack decided to bring you back to the camp ASAP. I saw some stains of blood on your waistband and by then I knew, it wasn't because of the wounds." Prim held my hands that are subconsciously shaking. "I don't want to move you back 'cause that's a long walk but when we heard a loud growl, Jack carried you immediately." She squeezed my hand and smiled gently at me. It was the kind of smile that made my head light.
"A-and the others?" I asked for more details. Before I passed out, I remember Minho supporting me on the way out. Where is he now? "I'm sorry, Roni. But we saw nothing. We can't seem to find your team."
No. That's not true. I remember some of them who were ahead of me, running towards the exit. I cried and my tears fell anew.
"You're the lone survivor of that horrible day, Roni. I'm sorry for the loss of your team. The scale is one out of seven." She answered my unspoken thought. One out of seven, Heartfillia Team. The retrieval operation failed and my men were wiped out. One out of Seven. I can't seem to accept the fact that everyone's gone. And it's my fault, again. "Jack told me it's confidential and I understand. Don't worry. No one will die here. Not on your watch, okay?" Prim hugged me once more and for the first time, I felt a burden was lifted out of my shoulder.
"He's mad at me." I told Prim and Lauren when they visited me again with a rice bowl full of ramen. I told them what happened when Jack and I was alone in the room. Missing the confidential research course. "He cares about you that's why he's mad. Don't worry too much." Lauren gave a thumbs up to me. "Yeah. Think about your baby. Sulking isn't good for your health." Prim added.
My baby. I thought I lost it. I thought we lost it. I was unconscious for three days when they brought me back. The surgeon (one of Prim's men) gave the result awhile ago. I cried with joy and relief but Jack didn't came back at all. I was excited to give him the news but he chose to talk to the surgeon.
"One out of Seven." Art butt in with a plate full of sliced oranges and apples. I scowled at him and grabbed the fruits from his palm. I got offended when they start to make a joke out of that phrase.
One out of Seven - I survived among the other six members
One out of Seven - (for Art, Prim and Lauren; it means Jack's scale of anger)
"Where's my thank you?" I rolled my eyes and throw a pillow at his face which he caught easily. He laughed at me and sat at the vacant seat next to Lauren who's still busy eating her ramen. She's a slow eater and I don't know why. "Don't make fun of her. She's sad." Prim joked. Now she's even teasing me.
"Is Jack coming or what?" Lauren asked him. "He will." He answered swiftly. I rolled my eyes at him again. That's impossible. Jack's furious and I don't think he'll talk to me nor even come see me. "Don't give her that. We all know he isn't coming." Prim even put a dollar on the table. "I bet he will." Lauren said as she put another dollar.
I can't believe them. They're betting on this. I shouted at them and lie on my bed turning my back against them. "Alright. This is up until nine thirty okay?" Art joyfully kept the money on his tab. He'll be their judge to that. Tss.
I wonder if he would really come. Knowing Jack, he isn't the type of person who puts his emotions first but it's logical actually. He can't bear to see me just yet so I won't let my hopes up.
They played black jack while waiting for the time. But I was too exhausted to even stay awake so I decided to sleep rather. I woke up with a slight nudge on me. I turned to see who's waking me up and saw Lauren yawning. I sat up and saw her all alone here. Where are the other two?
"It's ten o'clock. I'll have to go. Art and Prim already went on ahead." She whispered. I smiled at her before giving her a light hug and a kiss on the cheek. She bid her good night after with eyes half closed. Now that I'm awake, I have to keep myself busy until I feel drowsy again. I went out of bed and throw the cups. They were all sleepy that they forgot to even clean their mess. I shook my head before cleaning the table. I saw my tumbler on the edge and decided to grab some milk or hot chocolate.
I was about to open the door when it open right in front of my eyes first. My eyes widened when I saw Jack in his usual plain shirt and jeans. I cleared my throat before staring at his eyes again. I can't believe he's here. Lauren might've won.
"Hi." He muttered. "Hey." I greeted back. I was going to add 'what's up' but decided not to. Jack showed me a briefcase and I stepped out of the way to let him in. I noticed his bag pack on his shoulders just now. "Were you about to go out?" He asked after he put his things on the long table. "Yeah. Just wanted to grab something to drink."
Crap. I've never been so casual towards him before. Why are we so formal towards each other?
"Come here." He commanded. My feet immediately obeyed him a second after. Damn. He pulled me closer to him when I halted a feet away from him. It took me by surprise. He hugged me and inhaled the scent on my hair. "I'm sorry." He whispered softly. I froze. Amazed by his heartwarming gesture and soft words. I closed my eyes and buries my face on his shoulder.
"One out of Seven." I muttered, on the edge of tears. He combed my hair with his fingers before planting a soft kiss on my forehead. I miss this. "One out of Seven isn't right." He said. I looked up and saw him pursing his lips, trying so hard not to smile.
"Two out of Eight." He whispered on my ear before he touched my stomach. My eyes were immediately filled with tears and I held those back. I don't want to cry. He kissed my lips gently, pulling me back to when we were happy throughout. I snaked my arms on his neck and kissed him back. "Two out of Eight. You've done well to survive." He murmured under the kiss. And for the very first time since we got here, I felt positive. Jack is such a great person. He's kind and optimistic about this. And I'm going to correct everything starting tomorrow. We'll survive this. I promise.