She didn't dream like she usually did. There wasn't any fire or smoke crawling out from the back of her mind in a place she had forced down the parts she'd rather forget. No jarring screams or uncaring laughter settled in her ears as she was made to run through a forest engulfed in flames with blood running through the ground beneath her feet.
There was just darkness, silence, and blissful nonexistence. Though she wasn't aware enough to enjoy any of it. Her conscious ebbed and slipped away from her more times then she would have been able to count. There were times it was broken however and she managed to emerge from her unconscious state to see a few fragments of what was happening around her.
Sometimes it was just her feeling the searing heat of the flames or hearing another scream before she slipped back into the void of unconsciousness. Other times, she managed to drift out enough to catch bits and pieces of sentence tossed around her. "You there. Take this one out of the village." A voice said. "Please. I don't mean any harm!"
"Then take her and go. I'm not finished with this one."
She slipped away before she could hear the end of that only to slip back into consciousness with someone else saying "Why are you taking her!!"
"She was trying to help us!!"
"Enough! There's already enough people trying to kill us! We can't add ourselves to their ranks!"
"She could be with them!!"
"She also could not be! Now get her up! We need to move before they find us!!"
She slipped away before she could hear anymore and when her consciousness resurfaced again, something managed to latch itself onto the waking world. Her eyelids felt heavier than lead and every single inch of her begged to just curl up and drift back into sleep, but a tiny inch of her mind refused to slip back into the darkness. It was a part that she at first wanted to reject. The idea of drifting off into a hazy slumber with nothing but a deep, thick darkness where the fire, smoke, and pain couldn't reach her. But such a dream was slashed to pieces as memories came flooding back in.
The bullets, blades, and the inferno she remembered passing out in, all it took was just one second if any to send a jolt of fear and alarm rushing through her. All at once, her eyes flew back open and she felt a sudden gasp of air rush into her lungs, filling her body with a burst of energy that made her jolt. She quickly registered the surface she was lying in and slapped her hands down onto it before forcing herself upright. A pain shot through her legs as she pushed herself up and let out a shout of pain before gripping her leg.
"Wow! Easy now!" A voice said from beside her and caused her to swing a fist out as a pure reaction. She saw a figure to her left dart away from her hand and flung their hands up as they said "Calm down, miss!! We're not going to hurt you! You're safe!" It took Lozen a second for those words to register after which her eyes were sent flailing about in their sockets trying to find out where she was.
She halfway expected a cage or at least a small section of the forest, but she certainly didn't expect a cave of all things. Her right was flanked by a massive stone wall as cold as death with small veins of water running down its face. She appeared to be in a massive cavern of sorts that was generally spherical from the years of erosion and now filled to the brim with people. Dozens of villagers lay sprawled across the floor, some covered in massive burns that no one had any bandages for and others simply massive gashes surrounded by crusted blood. People well enough to stand were scurrying around in the empty space around them, trying their best to tend to the wounded if there were any left. Most people in the ground were lying inhumanly still and as pale as death, but she couldn't say for certain that meant they were gone. Everyone here was barely on their feet as it was and the woman standing next to her looked no better for wear.
Her left arm was wrapped up in what looked like some sort of torn up fabric and her left eye was covered in a similar fashion, but she at the very least didn't look in pain from just standing up. Though there appeared to be a noticeable effort in the way she tried to look as unburdened as possible. It wasn't enough to make Lozen feel safe however. Her hands drifted past her belt line and found her weaponry missing, causing her heart to skip a beat for a moment as needles prickled across her back. "Easy there. It's alright, honest." The woman said with her one good arm still raised in a partial surrender, cracking a small smile "We probably couldn't hurt him even if we wanted to."
Lozen's eyes swung themselves around the room before demanding between her frightened pants "Where am I?"
"Nowhere special. We found this cave a few years back and planned to use it as sort of a shelter if....well," She swung her one good hand out to gesture to the cavern full of wounded and dead. "This ever happened."
"How did I get here?"
"No idea. A bunch of our boys dragged you in here last night. Not sure where they picked you up if that's what you're wondering."
"Why...." Lozen started before the hand she had grasping at her belt swiped past and landed on her leg. She expected to feel the denim of her pants, but instead she felt the coarse texture of bandages against her fingertips. Looking down, she saw her right thigh was wrapped up in a thin layer of dirt ridden cloth with a few discolored spots stained with dried blood. It wasn't just that. The clothes she had put so much time into maintaining in the hope they'd hide her from prying eyes were replaced with something more akin to that which the villagers wore. Animal hide clothing loosely covered her, not covered with any unique patterns and only serving to cover her body. It was oddly comforting, though. Not enough however to put her mind at ease,
"Don't worry about that dear. We noticed someone had started a patch job on your leg there and I had to finish it up."
"Patch job?"
"Sure thing. You had quite a few cuts on you. Hell, if I didn't know better, I'd say you had been in a cave in."
"Oh." Lozen found her muttering as he traced a finger across the blood stains. She had forgotten about the damage the event had left, lapping a few rudimentary herbs and a few bandages she wouldn't have been surprised if they had fallen off by now. Now, she had to admit, it felt better to have more than just a temporary seal on them. It hadn't been hindering by any means, but it was still nice. At least better treatment then what the other people in this cave had.
"Why did you-"
"A good question. Been asking myself that for a while now. Guys who brought you in said that we all needed to look out for each other."
"We?"
"Yeah. The savages." She chuckled at the word, but Lozen just felt her heart sink. Her eyes drifted back over towards the rest of the cavern and across the hundreds of dead or bleeding faces covering the floor. They weren't going to make it. Most of them at least. Their wounds were too great and they didn't have nearly the right equipment to even dream of helping the wounded. From what she could tell, they just had a couple vials of what she prayed was just morphine, an old saw never meant to be used on people, and whatever rags they could tear from their clothes and call bandages. These people might have a chance if they were at a hospital.....she almost laughed at the thought.
A hospital. What a joke. As if there was anywhere that'd take them in. Hell, with the sheer size of this crowd, they'd probably be met with more violence. They were the big bad savages. And now their place of refuge was bunting. She swore she could even still smell the smoke drifting in from the entrance. This was all that was left. A cave full of dead or dying and the people trying to do the impossible. Oh god how they'd try. She could see them now, scurrying around the room with buckets full of water or an unloving body sling over their shoulders. Most of them looked like they were well on the way to a square on the cave floor and had to know they were going to see their friends and loved ones die on the ground all around them. They couldn't afford to waste anything. Yet they still helped her. When everything was falling down, they still brought her here and wasted what little they had on her. These.....idiots. They needed all they could get their hands on, but here she was. Alive and in a bit better shape than before.
"Did.....how many are-" he tried saying as she looked around the room.
"Not to be dramatic, but way too many. Just be glad you only had a few flesh wounds."
She couldn't say she didn't understand. With all these wounded, they couldn't afford to waste other major supplies. Still, this didn't seem to make much sense.
"Speaking of which. How are you feeling?" The woman continued.
"What?"
"Standard practice, hun. Can't leave until I know you're alright. So how are you feeling?"
".....Fine, but-"
"Great." The woman said before she started marching away from Lozen. "Wait!!" Lozen cried out, the words rushing out against her control. Nevertheless, the woman did stop and glanced back at her. "What....what happens now?" Lozen found herself asking as her eyes glanced around the room. She always took comfort in the idea that she could find something to salvage or plan out something. There was always something that could be done, you just needed to be smart enough to find out what. Now, looking out at all these dead or dying, and all that had lost to the fire, she couldn't reasonably see what came next if anything at all.
And from the looks of it, neither could the one who had tended to her. The second the question was asked, her eyes shifted to the ground and filled with a sudden shadow that eclipsed whatever elation she had managed to find in all this. She bite her lip as she clearly started thinking about the answer and though her expression wasn't much to go on, what little hope she had was more than this entire cavern. Without it, it felt like something much larger than it should have been had been lost. She didn't know why, but as she saw that something die in her caretaker, she felt something in the back of her mind wilt. It wasn't major by any means, but it was enough to make a twinge of guilt twist Lozen's gut.
She knew the answer. It was the only one it could have been and the one she found herself, after all this time, fearing. "I guess we'll just have to move on now. If we get moving by nightfall, we might be able to put some distance between us and this place. Then.....I don't know. But we'll find a way to survive. One day at a time, right?" The caregiver answered, her voice clearly trying to remain upbeat, but came off as too burdened to be anything of the sort. Her head hung low as she finished, the limited vigor in her complexion died out, and a small sigh tumbled from her mouth.
"You should get going before then. We'll patch you up, but we ain't taking you with us....I assume you understand." She said to which Lozen replied "Yeah.......I understand. Did anyone else come here with me?"
"You're looking at them."
"I mean someone specific. The man who was entertaining everyone before....this happened. He was wearing a cloak that covered his face."
"Oh yeah. Loud guy, right?"
"You have no idea."
"Last time I checked he was right outside this place."
"He didn't come in?" Lozen asked, feeling her hands curl into fists as a small burst of anger rushed through her.
"Nah, but I'd say he could use the fresh air. Guy sounded like he was losing his mind."
Lozen's eyelid twitched before she said "Did he now."
"Oh yes. If he's your body, I'd recommend you talk him down. We don't need any more frightened children at the moment."
With that, the woman darted away from her and started rushing towards the many other people needing her help. Lozen didn't find herself surprised at what Judas had been doing, but furious at the fact that he wasn't. Here were the wounded and dead that he left to suffer and he couldn't even bothering looking them in the fucking eye. The great and powerful hero cowering when an entire people needed him most. Pathetic. But he still came back!! He had the audacity to think that after cowering like a frightened child and spitting in the face of all these pour souls, that he could still find some fucking shelter with them!! Why!?! For what reason did he think he deserved to come here after not even looking at the people his selfishness had hurt in the face!!!? The least he could do was fuck off before anyone else could depend on him!!
Her fists were trembling by the time the woman had rushed off and her skull felt like it was going to burst. While the aching in her head and legs compelled her not to, she quickly pushed herself back onto her feet. She took a quick look around to see her weapons were lying right next to the patch of cold earth she had been placed on and grabbed the belt they hung from before she too marched through the corridor. The cave was mostly lit by a small, dying bonfire in the center, but small rays of grey light came seeping down from a large crack on the other side of it as she from which she saw people coming in and out. Recognizing the faint glow of daylight, Lozen started marching towards the opening in the corridor with a thousand thoughts rushing through her mind.
She was going to do it. Really, finally, actually do it. Lozen knew she often said she'd bury Judas in an attempt to keep him in line, but this time, she was actually going to do it. No. Not that just that. She was going to fill his skull with more lead then he had brain cells, snap every bone in his body, wait for him to heal, and then snap them again, have whatever starved, rabid animal she could get her hands on chew on him for a bit, and then bundle him in rope and bury him in some forgotten slab of nowhere where he'd remain until the end of time choking on worms!!!!
Her vision was enveloped in red mist and her nails were starting to exert enough pressure in her palms to draw blood by the time he managed to storm out of the corridor. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see some people giving her weird looks and one or two jumping as they saw her barrel down the tunnel, but she barely noticed let alone cared. She simply kept marching down the tunnel, curving around it's jagged bends, and pushing aside whoever she would have bumped into. It didn't matter to her where she was or who was in her way. Not anymore. Some small part of her wanted for him to just have run off somewhere over the horizon and left all of this behind. At least he'd have the common decency not to make himself a burden to the people who he'd abandoned!!
And he'd still probably be touting himself as some sort of grand hero to be remembered throughout the centuries!! Someone who'd come galavanting into town and make sure the good guys won!!! Of course he would!!? What else could she fucking expect!? What had she expected?!! He'd been a coward from the start, only brave enough to take a bullet when he was sure he wouldn't die!!! And the second he couldn't turn their suffering into his own little accomplishment to tout to the whole world, he tucked his tail and ran!! People needed him, her people needed him, and he just left them to burn!! She knew what he'd do next!! Oh boy did she ever!!! He'd leave them to root away in some rundown chunk of nowhere not even the sand enjoyed!!! He was the only one who could have done anything!! The only fucking one!!! And he just left!! Who else would have to save them!!? Who were they going to look up to on the long roads ahead to remind them the impossible could be done!! He could keep them alive in every way that mattered!! Him and only him, yet even knowing and fucking flaunting that fact, he ran when it mattered most!!!
Her teeth felt like they were going to shatter from the pressure they were exerting on each other and her lungs threatened to explode with all the breaths they sucked in. Still she pressed on, such pains barely a thought in her mind. All she cared about was dodging through the corridors stretching through the rock like empty veins, vaguely following the stream of people stumbling through it alongside her. Most times the corridor was so thin it tugged and snagged on bits of her skin as she squeezed through while others it widened out into decently sized caverns filled with various supplies. Most of it was either good or ointments, but occasionally she saw something more unique off to the side. Rudimentary weapons such as bows or throwing hatchets and more than once, people huddled into corners of the corridors, hiding in the best way they could.
Eventually however, she found herself crawling through one last stretch of the crevice and come sprawling out into a wide segment of tunneling capable of holding ten of her side to side. The wide throat of the cave system swelled outward as it opened into the outside world, letting in pale streaks of light from the mouth and the rare smell of fresh air. There were many more people and objects filling this section of the cave. The ones who weren't as wounded as the others. The ones who could be spared. Most of them were huddled against the walls with only a few wandering around in the tunnel and they looked healthy enough considering what happened. Surrounding them were various objects that they mustn't have been able to fit into the rest of their rudimentary shelter. But none of it caught Lozen's attention.
The light from the caves opening blinded her sensitive eyes for a moment, but when they adjusted, she saw him right where she expected him to be. Sitting on a solitary rock just outside the entrance of the cave was a man covered from head to toe in a ratty old cloak. She didn't waste another second. Her hands wrapped themselves around her gun as she barreled down towards the open, eyes zeroed in on the deadman just outside, his back turned to her in what she prayed was from gut wrenching shame. Her feet left craters in the stone and her breath steamed from her nostrils as her hands slowly drew her weapon from it's holster. All the things she hoped to do circled through her tumultuous mind and all of them only made the red mist descend further. He deserved it. All of it!! He was the one person who could have helped, the only fucking one and like a scum sucking coward he spat on it the second it wasn't easy!! Now all of these people were dead and the rest were just going to fade away in the middle of the desert!! Was this what he planned!? Would he somehow spin this into a triumphant tale when he came marching into the next town!!? Did he ever actually care about these people!!? Was he ever going to give them the hope he promised!?! He'll wish he had!!!!
Her drew her weapon until only the barrel remained in the holster, a shadow started dragging itself behind her as she stepped more and more into the light, and the name of that bastard was ready to leap out and accuse him of everything he had let happen. But it never came. In the corners of her mind untouched by the righteous fury boiling in her gut, she felt something ram right into her with about as much force as a puff of air. Something sensed the vulnerability of what struck her however before she could stampede over and the rest of her recognized the same when she felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around her waist.
She froze in place as she started registering what held her. It couldn't be anything else, but still she found herself looking down, expression smeared with beastly anger, to see the only thing it could have been. A child, barely taller than her stomach with their tiny arms wrapped around her as best they could and their face buried into her gut. At first a small fragment of her fury demanded that she toss the heat aside and get on with it, but it was quickly muffled as she found herself recognizing the child. She had gotten used to only seeing the outline of his face. He had had his face slung over her shoulder after all.
The child she had carried gripped as much of her as he could with those tiny arms, somehow with a vice like grip. One arm had been flattened against her side and the clothes covering her stomach started to grow damp as something leaked into them. Confusion filled her mind as she witnessed it. She had forgotten about this one and would have assumed he died if she had. What was he doing here? He should have gone up in smoke or been gunned down in the forest? Why was he still alive? And why was he clinging and crying to her in such a way?
All of her questions were answered with two tiny words heard escaping out of the corner of his mouth.
"Thank you."
They echoed through the cavern to Lozen's ears. Thank her? Thank her? Did she do this? Was he here, crying of all things, because of what she did? Could she even do that? Well, she had to. Otherwise he wouldn't be here.
It all hit her in a moment and like a sledgehammer shattered the red mist fogging up her eyes. Her heart no longer twisted itself and her mind seemed to relax against her skull as she felt this tiny creature find some shelter in her presence. Someone she saved. Someone she could save. He was safe even after that deadman had fled like a coward because of her. Such a thought struck her like a brick that brought a paradoxical pain, one that she was glad to feel hurting. All without that rotting bastard outside.
He deserved every single awful thing she could think to inflict on him, but for some reason, such a desire felt filled now. No, that wasn't the word. Insignificant. When in the face of someone so innocent finding comfort, maybe even a little strength in her all because of what she did, she found herself looking at the dead fool in a different light. He was a selfish, small minded, shallow soul and it was about time she stopped expecting him to be anything else. She couldn't wait for him to ride over the horizon.
She felt lighter as the thought slipped through her mind and the red mist choking her vision lifted along with it. Her mind felt weightless for a single moment and started issuing suggestions that she made no effort to fight. She gently pulled the boy off of her and, keeping her hands on his shoulder, knelt down to eye level with the sniveling before saying "Hey, keep your eyes dry, kid. It's going to be alright now. The worst is over."
The child sniffled for a moment before saying "R-Really?" His voice was barely holding itself together, but Lozen still heard the faint flicker of doubt tying up the fragments.
"Things may seem scary right now. More so then they have any right to be. But I promise, you and everyone in here are going to be alright and what happened is going to be just a faint memory compared to what comes next."
"W-What's that?"
"I'll show you, kid." She said as her eyes scanned around the room. "Don't wait up for me though. It's gonna be really hard for a lot of people right now and you've gotta help them however you can."
His entire expression froze in fear at that and his eyes darted around Lozen to look down the corridor she had come exploding out of. He saw what was back there. She could see it in his eyes.
"But...it's scary." He quickly muttered to which she said "And they're gonna feel that way for a very long time, sometimes so much so it will feel like nothing could possibly get any better, but that's exactly why you still have to do something. Just keep pushing on so that one day, others like you won't ever have to and no time will ever be this frightening again. Can you do that for me?"
The child's eyes jumped back and forth between her and the cavern behind her, the debate very visibly going on in his mind, before settling on her. "O-Okay. I'll try."
A small smile crawled onto her face as she heard that and she said "Good." With that, she stood back up and pulled her hands away from the child as she started making her way to a collection of rubbing leaning against the walls. "Now run along. I have some things I need to do too." She said before the child said "Wait! Why c-can't you stay?"
Lozen thought for a second before answering "You know that voice in the back of your head telling you that it's not going to get better and that there's no reason to even try?"
"Yeah?"
"I've got to prove it wrong." She said as she scooped up one of the bows and quivers leaning against the walls. They felt odd in her hands, like old weapons she had forgotten even existed, but familiar in a way she never thought she'd find comforting again. She swung the quiver and bow over her shoulder and grabbed a single throwing axe from off the ground. It wasn't much, she wasn'f dumb enough to think otherwise, but she had done more with much, much less. She managed to slip the hatchet through her belt and settle the quiver onto her back before she marched off towards the entrance.
It was raining, not too much, but still enough for the cruel irony to sink in and force a grimace onto her expression. Still, she marched on into the drizzle, her boots sinking into the mud just beyond the cave's mouth and her eyes taking in the landscape beyond. They were still inside the forest with the cave seeming to be carved into the side of a hill surrounding the expanse and separated from the forest floor by a small incline of wet earth. The tops of the trees were at eye level from this high up and looking out from them atop a stone rising in the dead center of the plateau just outside the cave was a deadman. But her eyes barely glanced over at him as she passed him by and started slowly making her way towards the edge of the mud drenched hill. It was a walk that was interrupted when the last voice she wanted to hear that day came tumbled down from the cave.
"LOZEN!!!" Jebediah cries out as she heard his feet slap down onto the mud behind her. She ignored him to the best of her ability, but found it difficult when she heard him start chasing after her. "Hey, wait...I-I thought you were dead!!" He continued to call out, his voice seeming to tremble just a bit more than it usually did, but still Lozen ignored him. She had more important things in her hands. However, she found herself being overtaken by the corpse and being forced to stop as he rooted to spit right in front of her. "H-Hey." He managed to spit out as he stood as stiff as a board in a rather awkward manner. Lozen tried ducking around him, but he lurched in front of her way every time she tried to move away. "Look! Wait! I just....I need to explain something."
"Fascinating." Lozen mumbled before she half heartedly jabbed a fist right into his Adam's apple. While he was left struggling for breath, she walked around him only to get maybe three or four feet closer towards the edge of the plateau before she saw him race around in front of her again. She sighed and ran a head through her hair as Jebediah massaged his throat, but somehow still found the strength to keep fucking talking. "Please. Just listen to me. I-I need to explain-" He started.
"No need. You already did enough of that."
"But you don't understand-"
"Oh, I think I understand more now then before. Now get out of my way."
"No, I mean....look, I know I fucked up, okay, but....it's complicated."
"No. It's really not. Or maybe it is. At this point, I don't care."
"But I need to explain myself....I think I owe you that much. Look...a long time ago, when I was like twenty, I-"
"Stop." She said, the single word dipped with enough venom to silence the deadman addicted to his own voice. But she didn't feel any fury or disdain behind them. She didn't feel much of anything when it came to him. There was just this void in her gut and she just wanted to get rid of this fool in order to do what needed to be done.
"I wasn't always like this!! Not just the whole.....this!" He gestured to his body. "I just have to tell you!! I'm not cut out for this, okay! I know I'm stupid, selfish, and...but I can be better!! I'll get better and then I'll be the greatest hero anyone's ever heard of! Even for these people!! I know there going to need me and I promise I'm not going to-" He rambled on for a while after that, but Lozen mind had been caught by those two simple words he had tossed out without much thought. Need me. He said they needed him. Him, a pathetic, still rooting corpse that domine forgot to bury. These people who had suffered through thick and thin, surging fired and overcoming tyrants, they needed him? A coward who would rather save his own ass before a single one of theirs?
"They need you?" She would her saying to which Jebediah replied "Yeah!! I know and I'm not going to take it for granted anymore!! I'll be-"
"They? Need. You? They need you? Is that right?"
"Yeah and I swear I-"
"Really? Really!? REALLY!!" She said, feeling a fire start back up in her gut. "You!! YOU are who they needed!?! Is that so!!? Are you all they needed!!!! Your luminescent ass to come rushing over the hills, proclaiming his stories and hoping to make another one out of their grief!!? That was the one that would fix things!? That was the person who was going to make things better!!!! Tell me, how did you help their when their village was burning down?!!?"
Jebediah stood petrified to the spot for a moment before saying "But I-"
"And how, pray tell, are you going to help them now?!"
"....I-"
"And what will you do to help my people!!? How exactly were you planning on doing that!!? Or were you even planning on doing it at all!?! Was that also another magnificent fine you dressed up, slathered with make up, and paraded around like a two dollar whore!!?"
"But....I can help." His voice sounded fragile as if it were on the verge of outright cracking. "Please, Lozen. You've got to believe me. I really can. I'm Hell's Horseman."
It was at that very moment, when that fucking nickname came tearing back up, that Lozen felt her loss just enough control to do something that never before felt so very right. Her hands ripped from their holsters the guns strapped to her belt and without any warning or even though, started unloading their rounds into the deadman. Ammo count was barely a thought in her mind as she just fired and fired and fired, filling the air with the sound of bombastic thunder and the deadman with more lead than he ever fired. His frail body was thrown back with every round that struck him, sending his arms flailing through the air and causing his legs to come out from under him. By the time her weapons were empty, he had fallen down into the mud with glowing stars dotting his clothes.
It wasn't enough. It'd never be enough, but still Lozen tried. She saw the red mist descending again, forcing her fingers to aimlessly smash themselves down onto the triggers of her guns even as they clicked empty over and over and over again. When the bloodlust subsided, she tossed the useless instruments into the mud and opened her mouth, letting all the fire in her gut finally come barreling out.
"YOU ARE A TOOL!!! You're an old wise tale dug back up to make people feel as if the world makes some tiny bit of sense, but it's been a long time since anyone needed your brand of lunacy!! You're a relic, a fraud, and one that no one will just let die!!! Look at those people!! You just needed to give them one lousy speech, a tiny moment where they felt like they were worth fighting for, and what did you do!!? You ran away like the coward you are, someone who's afraid of dying even though YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!!"
Jebediah seemed to stay on the ground for a moment before he starting pushing himself up right and say "But....please, I just-"
Lozen didn't give him a chance to speak "You galavant and parade yourself around like you're the second coming in some vain attempt keep yourself relevant as if that will give people what they need to stay alive and maybe you're right!!!" She didn't fully grasp those last words for a moment as they spiraled up into the cold, moist air, but they didn't sound wrong once she recognized them. Even through all the poison she felt like slinging at him, that was one thing she felt needed to be said above all else. Though, she wasn't surprised when Jebediah sputter out in a deeply confused tone "W-What?"
Lozen sucked in a small breath and, staring right at where the bastard's eyes should have been, continued.
Maybe you're right!! Maybe there needs to be more than a plan! Maybe there needs to be some hope, something that makes people believe everything can get better! Just one tiny tall tale that helps them to think that maybe they're going to be okay!! Otherwise, how else will they think standing back up will do anything?! Maybe that's why we do all of this!! All these stories and tall takes about coyotes and skinwalkers and undead gunslingers and maybe they were just there to give us fucking hope!! To make us believe in the impossible so the real world doesn't seem so insurmountable!! Because if people can cheer for and rally behind a wise cracking, self centered, nigh immortal idiot riding across the land on a carnivorus, semi-sentient horse, than anything's fucking possible!! Maybe...maybe that's why you worked."
The air hung quiet apart from the layering of rain drops for a minute longer before Jebediah worked up the nerve to started again "I know...and I can help!! I make them-"
"But I think you forgot something in all your years! You drew people in and either saved or killed them, but it was never for them and that's not what you're supposed to do!! You should have become a part of their story, not make everyone else just another chapter in yours!! Because as powerful as you are, YOU ARE JUST A WHISPER ON THE WIND!! THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE EVER BEEN!!! SO STOP ACTING LIKE THATS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE PEOPLE WHO WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO YOU, JEBEDIAH CRONE!!!!"
Her words hung heavier than the others and seemed to press the deadman further into the mud. Neither one of them moved for what felt like eternity, eyes locked in a silent game that Jebediah had already lost. The rain beat down against their backs and the mud flowed down their clothes until it felt as if the spots that had formed washed away.
She waited for him to speak. Whatever disgusting, pathetic thing he had to say, she wanted to hear it. She wanted to known for what reason he still thought he had some right to even open his fucking mouth because after everything he had....she stopped herself just when the red mist had almost finished eclipsing her entire vision. Something in the back of her mind stopped her from imaging what it would have been like to continue spitting down on him. Something that knew better. Look at him, it whispered in her ear. He's just a corpse that forgot it was dead. He's not worth it. He never was and it's too late for him to be. But she just wanted to make him suffer a little bit more for all the atrocities he enabled-They do not need him. And someone already helped. Don't let him take that away. Leave him where all cadavers should be. In the ground.
Lozen didn't want to say it was hard. She knew she shouldn't let this parasite make her react in such a way, but she still felt the urge to spite him for everything he had done. In the end however, it'd get her nowhere. Hateful words are too much for someone so insignificant. She knew that and yet still every step she took after she heard the whispers was accompanied by the cries of blood coming from her boiling gut. Still she walked around where the cadaver lay and resumed her walk towards the edge of raised earth, uncurling the grip her mind was desperate to maintain on that anger.
His voice certainly didn't help on that front. "W-Where are you-" Jebediah started exclaimed before Lozen cut him off, letting her anger get the better of her for one more moment. However, as she spun around to tell him off, she found something else meeting her gaze. No one person, but a small cluster starting to stand at the edge of the cave. An audience consisted of the able, wounded, old, and young. Only a few were staring, but all of them were listening. Not to the corpse on the ground. And with that realization and all those attentive, hopeful faces directed at her, Lozen found another reason to keep talking. One she let take her by the reins before she even knew what she was going to say.
"Stop. Let me tell you what I am going to do. I'm going to ride down to those bastards who burned those poor people's homes to the ground and gutted their families in front of them and I'm going to make sure they don't hurt anyone else. I'll make the ones who are left believe they're worth doing that for, because I am so tired of waiting for someone else to. They're more important than you or I will ever be and I'm going to give them a reason to never forget that."
"Are you crazy? Y-You'll die."
"Maybe. But they're people worth dying for. I just need to show them that."
"W-What about your village?"
"And now you care."
"B-But won't they starve?"
"No. Because I won't let them."
"But you said-"
"Maybe, Jebediah. Maybe. But I'll take more than a maybe to keep me from coming back to them."
"Then...." His feet kicked agains the mud for a moment as he tried to find a grip in the wet earth before he pushed himself back onto his feet and proclaimed "I'm coming with-"
"Stop." She raised her hand as she said that. "Just...just stop, Jebediah. For once and for good, just stop. Maybe you were a good man once, maybe you weren't. Perhaps something happened to you that justified all this, perhaps not, but I honestly don't care anymore. You're stories already over and I'm not going to make the mistake of leaving the book open. I've had enough of it. You, your tall tales, this get up you have. Because aside from that, there's just nothing. No man, just a name. And one that only belongs on a tombstone." With that, something felt lifted from her crown, like a long task had finally been completed. She could only vaguely grasp what it was, but at the very least, she realized something that felt so right. She had nothing more to say to him.
"As far as I know, you have two choices. You can stay in this cave and wait for all this to be over. But I'm not coming back to tell you that it is. No one will. Or, you can gather your strength, spirit, and swords, march on up to the man you did this to, scream into his face "We will not go!", and then give him a reason to never forget it. Make him regret everyone he took and everything you lost. Show your children that you did not deserve this. Because you were not, are not, and never will be. Don't live to let this just be another tragedy. Fight to make it the last."
He stood there for a moment, legs trembling for a reason Lozen didn't care to know. Before long, his shoulder seemed to dip and his head fell into his chest as he mumbled "I...I can't."
"I wasn't talking to you, Jebediah." Lozen replied as her eyes remained where they always had been. Looking at the people gathering around the cave entrance and listening to her words. The only people that mattered. She could only hope they thought the same.
But she had more important matters to tend to. She needed to settle this and stop whatever mad batch of crusaders this Iscariot had let loose before they burned down any other village. So, with one last quick look at all the people hopefully not waiting in the cave for long, she adjusted the quiver on her back and started making her way down the hillside. Plunging once again, into the forest below.