The Second Task of the Triwizard Tournament was the greatest, most spectacular task ever, that no one got to see because it was at the bottom of a lake. And the students of Hogwarts, and the other competing schools, came out for the task, in the winter, in the middle of February, in Scotland, to spend over an hour outside, watching the champions go into the lake and the champions emerge to the lake.
"What an event!" Albus Dumbledore cheered.
Nick Fury hoped they got to the bottom of this Wilson situation pretty soon. Because, being in the presence of Albus Dumbledore was causing his ulcer to get an ulcer.
"For magical people, you are pretty limited," Fury said. "Surely, you could have some kind of magical projection screen or something, which shows what's happening underneath the lake?"
"Oh, Nick, that's silly talk," Albus said. "It's more of the spectacle of the tournament, then any of the events itself. Besides, there is nothing that can be accomplished without any…."
Dumbledore waved his wand and caused a rainbow to shoot out of it.
"Imagination!"
"Listen here Motherfucker, you're not a sea sponge who lives in a pineapple under the seat, so you don't get to do that," Fury sternly said.
Snape, moody as always, and Moody, as surly as ever, came into the school.
"So, an impressive thing Potter did," Moody said.
"He cheated," Snape replied.
"Did he really?" Moody asked. "I was keeping my eye on that Black…."
"Oh, she's done nothing wrong," Snape said.
Fury agreed with Moody, but if Rebecca Black had done something to Wade Wilson, then she did not slip up, despite hours of interrogation. Teenage girls, in general, tended not to be the most stable of people, or teenagers for that matter, to be fair. Which made Fury consider, based on his years of dealing with trickery, Rebecca Black might be an illusion which hid a more malicious first.
"I've scanned her, and found no magical illusions, glamors, and no Polyjuice Potions," Dumbledore said. "Of course, to keep up with a Polyjuice Potion throughout the year, it would take an utterly obsessive degree of obsessiveness."
"You're redundancy is always very redundant, Headmaster," Snape said. "But, he does have a potion. Polyjuice Potions are expensive, many of the ingredients are difficult to cultivate. Naturally, I have a stock of all of the ingredients, locked in my Storeroom, but it will take a dark wizard, the caliber of...the Dark Lord, to break through it."
"Of course, they would not need to break through it, if you handed it over to them," Moody said.
"Alastor," Dumbledore sternly said.
Moody silenced, but something Snape said hit Moody. Being an Auror, and being able to think like dark wizards, who tended to be a superstitious and cowardly lot, Moody had been able to put together a lot of pieces. In ways which people made others call him crazy, mad, completely bonkers, but Moody's instincts remained sharp.
The caliber of the Dark Lord.
A wizard as powerful as the Dark Lord could break into Snape's storeroom.
A wizard as powerful as Lord Voldemort could fool the entire staff, Dumbledore included.
A wizard as powerful as Lord Voldemort could enter both herself...or himself...and Harry Potter into the Triwizard Tournament to make sure Voldemort and Potter were alone at the end of the tournament to kill him.
A wizard the caliber of Lord Voldemort could manipulate a sweet, innocent, if eccentric, lass like Luna Lovegood into an outright cunt.
A wizard the caliber of Lord Voldemort could murder someone under the nose of all of Hogwarts.
Rebecca Black was Lord Voldemort.
Moody needed to take out the girl, dark wizard, before she achieved a more powerful form.
Luna and Hermione, still chained together at the wrist, walked, with Rebecca moving right behind them. They entered the Hogwarts Kitchen.
"I can't believe there are slaves in Ho…."
"They're not slaves, they're happy, because house elves live to serve witches and wizards, that's their purpose in this magical world," Luna said. "All creatures, no matter they are, have their purpose in the circle of life, Hermione Granger. Without witches and wizards, families to take care of, house elves will die, and people who long to free them all would contribute to the genocide of an entire species."
Hermione could not believe that. Surely they could not, surely house elves would not die.
"They would," Rebecca commented. "They...will perish once their family dies, unless they find a new family which will take them within a year. There's a stigma, that house elves who are freed, are damaged goods. They wander...their sanity goes...and they end up murdering themselves out of shame, because they cannot provide."
House elves honestly were foul little creatures, but useful in some ways. Lord Voldemort conceded that much.
"Poor Winky though...I thought that she would be better at Hogwarts," Hermione said.
"Winky...needs more time to adjust," Dobby said. "Dobby is not certain whether or not Winky has fully accepted...but if she's too sick to continue...we will make her last few months comfortable."
"Wait, if Winky does not accept her place at Hogwarts, she'll die?" Hermione asked.
"Yes, Miss Hermy," Dobby said. "She will."
Hermione could not believe that.
"Do you really want all house elves to turn into Winky?" Luna asked. "The poor thing."
"Can, Jahndo get you anything?"
Hermione's eyes widened, as it did Rebecca's. A goblin, dressed in a house elf uniform, appeared, holding a tray full of snaps.
"Miss okay?" Jahndo asked.
"That's…."
"Dobby needs a word with you, Miss Hermy, Miss Becca, and Miss Luna...right now!" Dobby told them urgently.
Dobby lead the three of them into the kitchen, away from private eyes.
"That's Captain Griphook," Hermione hissed through the side of her mouth. "What's he doing…."
"He had a terrible accident where he lost his memories," Dobby said. "He believes he's a house elf, and Professor Dumbledore believes in second chances...so he gave Jahndo a job here...and Dobby has been mentoring him...he only became that way because of the bad rocks."
Rebecca could not help but smirk. A goblin acting like a house elf would start another war which would leave the magical world damaged and ripe for the takeover. Rebecca's evil plan sprung into action.
"So, please, Jahndo identifies as a house elf right now," Dobby said. "We should be respectful of Jahndo's creature identity."
"Of course, our mistake, Dobby," Luna said. "Get us some of those chocolate truffles."
Luna would have said please about a year ago, but she liked being more assertive, and it was a house elf's duty.
"Well, a goblin thinking he's a house elf," Rebecca said. "I've said, I can truly see everything."
Hermione thought so as well. She had been getting a bit used to being chained to the wrist by Luna. Luna challenged pretty much everything Hermione said though, all of the facts she tried to say, and to be honest Hermione did kind of find it intellectually stimulating.
"Let's go," Luna said.
Hermione, Luna, and Rebecca left, only to see Moody.
"So, Miss Black,' Moody said. "You think you're clever, don't you?"
"Well, I am the top student in my year," Rebecca said, unable to keep smug. "I am the most worthy student to be in the Triwizard Tou…."
Moody blasted Rebecca and caused her to fly halfway down the hallway. Luna and Hermione both screamed in horror.
"Professor Moody, what are you doing?" Luna asked.
"Get up, I know it's you, Voldemort,' Moody said. "You possessed some girl, and now you're going to kill Harry Potter, like you killed Wade Wilson."
"Professor Moody, have you lost your mind?" Hermione asked.
Marietta Edgecombe, known snitch, saw a Hogwarts Professor, attacking a student and a Triwizard Champion. Moody's stunner deflected off of a shield.
"You're mad, old man!" Rebecca wheezed. "If peeping on me in the shower wasn't bad enough…."
"Someone has to keep an eye on you," Moody said. Luna threw both herself and Hermione, in front of the former Auror. "Miss Lovegood….Miss Granger…."
"Professor, please, you're hurting her," Luna breathed out.
Blood spilled from Rebecca's stomach, and she felt like as if stabbing pains went through her body. She hacked up blood, and horror spread through her. Weakness, and it hurt to even hold a wand right now. Moody just hit her with a banishing spell, why did her body react like it was made out of paper?
Several Ministry Aurors rushed down the hallway, along with several SHIELD agents. Stunners and tranquilizer darts hit Moody, dropping him down to the ground.
"Let's get you to the hospital wing, right now," one of the Ministry officials said, helping Rebecca said.
Moody, had been scooped up, as Luna and Hermione followed the Auror, carrying a very battered Rebecca down the hallway, who had left a trail of blood.
Cornelius Fudge almost had a heart attack when the news reached him at the Ministry. He went into the first Fireplace, not carrying that he was wearing a bathrobe and bunny slippers when walking into the school. He came across Albus Dumbledore, who had been in the process of talking to Snape.
"I told you hiring Moody was a bad idea," Snape said. "Now that Black girl is in critical condition...although it doesn't make any sense because…."
"What the devil just happened?" Fudge asked trying to look furious and intimidating, although the bunny slippers kind of canceled out that effect. "I found out that another one of your Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers, had lost his mind and tried to kill a student."
"Because, Alastor believe that Rebecca Black is Lord Voldemort."
Fudge flinched at the thought.
"So, he thinks that a teenage girl is a dead Dark Lord," Fudge said. "First, Quirrel goes mad and tries to steal the Philosopher's Stone, then Lockhart gets raped by backwoods hillbillies, gets his hair shaved, and teeth all removed, and then he gets sucked into a black hole created by the Hillbilly Queen."
Fudge needed a strong bottle of Firewhiskey after recounting the events.
"Not to mention, bloody Singing Goblins steal everything, under your nose several times," Fudge said. "And then, you hired a werewolf...and then there's two champions, and both of them are underage...and then...that janitor...who killed himself by falling down the stairs...and he was insane as well….and well Dumbledore, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Fudge folded his arms.
Dumbledore could say that it was a good thing that Fudge did not know about the goblin who thought he was a house elf. Who had been the leader of the goblins which robbed the magical world blind after last year.
"I've made a few lapses in judgment," Dumbledore admitted. "But, I've done what I can do to make sure Hogwarts is still the premier magical institution in the world."
Oh, Fudge could not believe Dumbledore honestly believed that. Saying Hogwarts the best was just Ministry propaganda which made themselves look good. And Dumbledore had been the only person not in on the joke.
"And then...your disgusting fetish," Fudge said. "Don't make me repeat it….I can't believe a man like yourself...would be into such a depraved lifestyle."
"Cornelius, I would think that a progressive man such as yourself would be more tolerent."
"I read Rita Skeeter's article….it's disgusting what you're into," Fudge said. "I can't believe that you're a Bronicorn."
Fudge almost threw up at the thought of these Bronicorns. Grown men, who were into magical unicorns, it caused Fudge's bowels to rumble with disgust.
"I offer no apologies for my fandom, Cornelius," Dumbledore said.
"It's sick and wrong," Fudge said. "I think that your likes are problematic and therefore, I feel they should not exist. Therefore, I will…"
The doors of Hogwarts broke open. Wade Wilson, covered in dirt and smelling of decay entered the Hogwarts halls. Fudge jumped back, screamed and pointed to Wade.
"It's a g-g-ghost!" Fudge yelled.
Snape, Filch, and the rest of the Hogwarts staff looked surprised, except for Fury and the SHIELD agents who did it.
"I told you!" Fury said. "Wade, you're back."
"Yeah, I was unalived by the green light, and then Thanos snapped me out of it," Deadpool said.
"No, you killed yourself by throwing yourself down the steps," Fudge said. "You can't go against an officially Ministry investigation...and besides...you're a ghost...so you don't have any rights."
"You do have a job if you want it," Dumbledore said.
"Oh, Corny, if I was a ghost, could I do this?"
Deadpool ran up and kicked the Minister of Magic straight in the family jewels. Fudge doubled over in agony.
"Or this?"
Deadpool gave the Minister of Magic a wedgie and the students, which came to see the commotion, pointed and laughed at him.
"Ghosts can't give wedgies," Deadpool said.
"Oh, but poltergeists can!"
And Peeves ran up to give Deadpool a wedgie, while hugging him from behind. In a very suggestive manner, which caused the Yaoi Fangirls in the audience to squee.
"Good to have you back, man!" Peeves said with a slap on Deadpool's ass.
Peeves dumped a bucket of some mysterious, watery brown substance over the Ministry of Magic, humiliating him and ruining his bunny slippers.
Fudge ran off, cursing and howling. The Minister had never been so humiliated in his life, other than the time he caught his wife in bed with three goblins.
"Wade, our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has suffered a lapse of sense," Dumbledore said. "Therefore, I would be honored if you could take over the class again."
"So, I'm Deputy Caretaker of Magical Sanitation, Hogwarts Guidance Counselor, and Substitute Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher?" Wade asked. "So, to celebrate me returning to life, how about a significant raise?"
"I'm sorry, Wade, no time to chat, I have some important sock folding to do in my office," Dumbledore said.
Wade, back alive, after being dead and then buried alive for almost three months, returned back to Hogwarts.
"So, did you miss me Snape?"
"No," Snape said.
Snape would never admit Hogwarts was not as nearly as interesting over the past few months without Wade here to make their lives just that much more insane.