"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
Dr Seuss.
Laughter travels through the air as clouds drift across the baby-blue sky. Yet a cloud of grey still remains over my head whilst whispers are carried with the wind. Disgusted stares are being pierced into my skin, disapproval clear in their eyes. Guys mutter prayers under their breath, thanking that their girlfriends don't look anything like me and girls immediately shake their heads, wondering how I let myself get to this point.
Approaching the steps, all of my classmates begin to snicker, eagerly waiting for the right moment to tease me. In an attempt to block the voices out, I attentively listen to the light-green leaves being crushed by several feet. Unfortunately, I fail, each cruel remark going straight to my head.
"I'm glad I don't look like that!"
"What a freak!"
"What does she even eat?!"
"At this point, there's no difference between her and a whale."
"Little Miss Fatty."
"Hey fatty, try not break a bone under so much weight."
Taking deep breaths, I try to hold back my tears. Gradually, my vision proceeds to blur. I gulp, bile rising in my throat, cries threatening to break free. Ashamed and embarrassed, I swiftly stumble into school, keeping my head down. However, the words seem to be printed into my memory, following me until I can no longer cope. The side glances, the comments about me, the amount of people who aren't reluctant to tell me how they truly feel about
'Little Miss Fatty',brings me down like a ton of bricks. Then again, people have always made the dislike they felt towards me very evident.
Biting my lip and finally managing to calm my nerves, I reach my locker. Opening it, I'm not particularly perplexed to find at least a dozen pig photos falling out. An outbreak of giggles occur and I decide to make a run for the toilet, awkwardly dodging past pupils in the hallway.
My raven-black hair falls into my hazel eyes and I take off my glasses, bursting through the door of the girls's toilet. Allowing a few sobs to resonate in the small space, I splash my face with water, completely avoiding my reflection in the mirror. After drying myself, I hesitantly observe my puffy face, sighing at the fact that I could ever consider myself beautiful. I take note of my dark, pink lips which are constantly pulled into a frown and the wrinkles on the edge of my face, just in line with my eyelid. My round nose, my pale skin. Who could possibly want this?
Regaining my composure, I reassure myself that today is just another day. That this is just life, that all I have to do is find some type of rhythm, some type of significance behind the randomness, an explanation as a replacement for the lack of answers.
It's not like I want to be fat; it's my condition. PCOS, also known as: Polycystic ovary syndrome. It's a disorder in the ovaries which effects your hormone levels and causes menstrual abnormalities. Meaning, it impacts how heavy or frequent your periods are. And of course, one of the symptoms or 'side effects' of PCOS, is weigh gain. Immense weight gain.
If I even tried uttering this to my female peers, there's a chance that they'll never let me hear the end of it. Forget 'Little Miss Fatty', I'd be called something a lot more pathetic. Even thinking about the situation makes me sweat. I mean to an extent, my school life is already damaged to the point where I have no social interaction at all. The thought of having a friend is just enough to make me feel...ecstatic.
But I'm a plus size girl and in the movies, people like me don't deserve happy endings.
Let alone, someone to care for us.