"I hate you"
The words echoed in my brain. From anyone else these words would've been trivial to me. Yet when they came out of Ella's mouth, I was for better words, stunned.
It wasnt the first time someone had said that to me nor was it the first time it stung. However, it was the first time I had felt truly regretful. For the first time I felt truly and utterly alone in the world.
For all sixteen years of my life Ella has been my most precious and only friend. Now due to my own jealousy, I'd practically thrown it all away. When someone is dear to you all you want is for there happiness. However, happiness without you is a very scary thing. My own fear of abandonment seemed to completely wash away any dignity I had.
When we first started highschool, I simply looked forward to another year. To the amazing memories we'd make and have. The stories this time in our lives would bring about.
I never imagined I'd be the villian in the story. That the actions I took to preserve my way of life could ultimately end it forever.
Ella and I had always been side by side. Our parents were highschool bestfriends and we lived right next door to one another. Neither of us ever sought friends outside of the two of us.
So when in highschool, when she had succeeded in making so many friends. While I remained almost completely friendless. I felt jealousy beyond repair.
It seemed that no matter what I did, no one seemed to even notice me. When I finally caught someone's attention. It certainly wasn't what I wanted. All they seemed to do was mock me and laugh. The more they did so, the more people accepted their actions. My only friends were fiction characters out of games. At least they love me right?
Eventually, I confided in Ella. Her short brown hair seemed to stick straight out of her head when I told her. She was truly angry.
I never imagined that she would message Aiden, a jock who bullies me the most. I never imagined that she would tell him to stop bullying me.
It was a normal day, until I saw Aiden during lunch time. Only for him to get the foulest smirk on his face I'd ever seen.
Almost shouting to the world, he said "If we have a problem, let me know."
The classroom was silent, knowing something was about to happen.
I couldn't help but speak up, afterall my pride was on the line, "Can't you just leave me alone"
That was the day I got my ass handed to me by Aiden in front of the whole school. From that day forth, no one would even look at me without reminding me of the black eye Aiden gave me.
Later that day, Ella came to check on me. She practically burst into my room.
At first, I didn't know until she with teary eyes mentioned, "I'm sorry I told him to leave you alone. I never thought he'd act out like this"
And in my own despair, I pushed her away, "get out, just get out"
Like that, Ella not only got out of my room, but out of my life. From that day forth I held a grudge against her and myself.
From then on, our relationship was distance and I was lonely. I drowned my sorrows in the newest otome game, "clear skies" but even that didn't seem to mend my heart.
Instead of trying to mend our friendship, or seek other friends. I decided that the only way we'd remain friends is if she too were alienated.
I started nasty rumors, I messaged her friends online and told them nasty things about her anonymously. Hell, I practically had a hate page.
Rather than bring her down like I'd hoped it would. It only united the student body in her favor. If someone had started a malicious rumor about me, no one would've bat an eye. Yet, for her they believe in and love.
Why was it that I was the only one unable to obtain this? I decided I would do anything, anything at all for it to just be us two once again.
I planted stolen items in her locker, convinced people she was talking bad about them. Every single one of them, grew to love her.
This trend kept up, I was being bullied so I bullied her. But, the identity of the perpetrator of these crimes didn't stay hidden for long. So when she confronted me about it, I told her the truth.
Out of all the things I had done, I had never expected her hate. I thought it made sense. But when the words, "I hate you" uttered from her mouth. It dawned on me just what exactly I had done.
From my own grief, I planned to hurt someone else. I had become the very people that I had previously despised. I knew I had no right to ask for her forgiveness.
Everyone knows what I did. They hate me more than they ever did. Now instead of the poor bullied kid in the back of the class. I became the piece of trash who bullied one of the nicest girls in the entire school. My own self hatred agreed with them.
As I pondered upon the actions that brought me to where I am today. I looked out and saw the sky. I was currently sitting on the empty roof for lunch time, hiding in the corner in case anyone came out.
I knew that I had no chance of redemption. I was already doomed. That instead of loving and cherishing what I had. I burned it to the ground over what I didn't.
Would the world be a better place without me? The thought didn't even need an answer. Afterall, it was true. My only purpose these past few years was to hurt others.
The answer was simple. So with shaky hands, I walked towards the railing. For a while I just stood there almost like a stone statue.
The fear that was hiding in my breath was real. I maneuvered my body over the railings and with a leap of faith, I hoped the afterlife would be better.
I jumped.
Its finally the end.
Or so I thought...