Honestly, can't people just be normal?
My lifelong wish, is for humans not to be complete and utter morons.
As I stagger out of my car, weak leged from the whole fiasco in in the parking lot, I warily eyed the slow dance of the two drunken neanderthals make their way on the sidewalk in front of the four story building I rented with my sister and her 3yrs old son. My little adorable nephew (not like the little spoiled brat contributed much to the bill, but he is cute. So he gets a pass).
I couldn't smell the alcohol on the two men, but they certainly had the look of 'so drunk you can't see straight' about them. A sneer tried to force itself onto my face when they slowed their steps in front of me instead of moving along on their merry way, like I was silently screaming at them to do.
The street is quiet and devoid of people. It is midnight after all, sensible people are in their bed snoozing by now, or maybe drowning their troubles in a bit of midnight crying. I would like to be doing one of the two right about now. If I can just get past these two without a fuss.
I shifted on my feet, the night air was cold and biting, a little shiver ran down my arms and I ran my hands up and down trying to get warm. The one closest to me glanced at me and his gaze stayed. For all thing holy why today? why me?
He looked me from top to bottom then smiled, revealing a mouth filled with rotting teeth. Ewww...The front one cracked and misshapen as if someone had taken a bite out of it. Who knows maybe he pissed someone off and they decided to take a piece of his tooth as payment. I shuddered.
The look on my face did not show any kind of invitation to chit chat, I'm sure. But instead of taking the warning for what is was, he hooked an arm around his drunken friend's shoulders and leered even more
"What do we have here?" He asked, his slur making me want to punch something, preferably his jaw, so I might finish the job of knocking out his other teeth.
I said nothing, just stared. I really don't have time or the patience for this. It's really been a long forty five minutes of my life today. And I just want to crash.
"Hello pretty thing," one of the man directed at me, his eyes fixating on my chest as if he found a hidden treasure right between my breast and was afraid of letting it out of his sight.
How is this happening to me? I'm a good girl! Ok that sounded weird, but it's true I pay my taxes, I never steal, I try to do good when I see the need, I go to church... sometimes, when my mother drags me and the family along. So why! I whailed at the stars. Is it because I have a potty mouth, or the other unmentionables? I will change I promise! I pleaded with the sky silently.
The two drunk men shimmied closer, because honestly, no part of what they were doing could be called walking of any kind. They both looked to be in their late thirties or early forties. But it was the kind of forty where the person seems to already be at the end of their life. When they've lived a rough and tumble life, and their body is like, 'I know it's not my time to go yet, but i give up. You're on your own bich, peace out.' That qind of forty.
The two men were both dressed in unidentifiable clothes. Because of the mud and dirt caked onto them, I couldn't even guess at the color the fabrics could have been. The dirt and mud seemed so saturated into their clothes and skin, I don't think it could ever come off.
The bolder one of the two; because the other one could not be bothered to raise his gaze from my chest, reached out a hand, stubby and dirty, I could see the grime under his long crooked finger nails.
"Pretty," he muttered as he reached for my face, his fingers inches from my face. Grabbing his wrist, I stared at the offending hand. The look of complete and utter shock formed on his face, that I dared to grab ahold of him? It would have been comical, if I wasn't beyond the point of frustration. He looked from the point my hand held his firmly in mine, to my face, back to the hand then to my face again mouth gaping open, incredulous. I yanked his hand to the side putting force into it. He stumbled. Jostling his companion, making him exclaim, as his single focus gaze got disturbed. Not giving them the time to recover their wits, if they had any. I dash past them, up the four step stairs, jamming my keys into the door and unlocking it without a single look backwards. Feels like I've been running from men more than half the night. Puffing my cheek I let it out in a puff of air, what a day.
Looking side to side apprehensively down the lobby corridor, I make my way to the elevator making sure no more crazies come at me.
The few seconds it takes the elevator to open are agony. When it finally opened, a mangy looking black cat darted out of the elevator and ran into the gloom of the lobby. I screeched, I'm not proud of it. Two or more of the lights in the lobby were broken so I couldn't see were it went. It just about gave me a heart attack. Where the hell did it come from? Pets aren't even allowed in our building. I would have made myself a zoo heaven by now if they did.
Sighing to myself I decided enough was enough. I'm officially not dealing with any more strangeness tonight. I am done. I will be face-planting on my bed the moment it comes into sight. Entering the elevator, I took the rickety desperately in need of matainance old thing to the third floor. Hopping the cable don't decide to rust, cut or drop at this very moment.
The horrible yet comforting smell of the third floor is the first thing you notice when you get off. It's the type of smell that can only be achieved when you combine a million of other disgusting smell, like garbage, body odor, trow in a couple of day old diapers, and some piss too, because why not. Flavor that with some good smells like cooking from all kinds of ethnic backgrounds, flowers, and stuff that into a closed off area with no window or good air flowing through, and you get this. Ahh, home sweet home.
I open the front door of my comforting apartment, and come face to ass with a wildly jirating butt.
I eye the butt as it swang from side to side in a macabre dance. slowly backing out of the threshold, I gently closed the door. Closed my eyes and took a deep breath and held it for three seconds.
"When I wake up, I will be out of the twilight zone I've been stuck in this whole night." I muttered to myself. There absolutely will not be a giant butt wiggling right behind this door when I open it.
I open the door. Nope.
Slamming the door shut again, I marched to the neighboring door to look at the room number. Surely I just got the room number wrong. Yeah, because I'm so tired. Who am I to question what someone else does in their house at midnight, even if it's twerking like the world is about to end. I can't judge people, (even though they are crazy), everyone has a right to a strange hobby or two, (even though they are crazy).
I look at the room number hopping it would be my apartment, but no, 307 glared back at me. That mean I just came from 305, my apartment.
As I was contemplating just going to sleep in my car or on a park bench somewhere, my apparent door opened and my sister peaked out looking flushed and rosy cheecked.
"Did you just open the door Uari?" She asked lookin innocent and sweet.
I glared at her, and she gave me a beaming innocent smile back. Deceptive devil that she is.