Keto's pov
I used to be… a good kid.
I've done everything with the best I can just to impress my darn parents. Apparently, every attempt never succeeded because they're all so focused on taking care of my younger brother, Kyle. My brother has special needs ever since he was born.
He was a very weak child because he got that ridiculous heart condition. I also had to deal with him by acting like a supportive caring brother. I was told by our parents that I have to share everything with him, treat him nicely, and do lots more for him.
But I also get sick and tired pretending.
I know I'm being selfish, but can't anyone look my way just for once?
It was always about him. Always him. When will I ever get my turn?
I studied hard and always get the highest scores, and whenever I'd show it to my parents they will always say… "Try to aim for a perfect score."
Can't they just appreciate my efforts?
When it comes to Kyle, even if he just pass with an average score they would always praise him. "This is great Kyle! I'll reward you for doing good!"
Hearing that sickens me. I always ask in them in my mind, "What about me? Didn't I do better than him?"
Eventually the harder I try to achieve the best, the worst outcomes I get. My grades slowly went from satisfactory to average, and my parents were disappointed in me. "What is wrong with you!? Can't you do better than this!?"
"I-I don't know!… I'm sorry." That was all I can say.
I didn't know why I was getting terrible with my studies, aren't those who puts great effort into studying gets the best grades? But why am I getting an opposite effect? My grades kept getting worse and worse, if this continues then my parents will get even more furious!
"…really?… what the hell is this?!" My father threw my report card at me. It upset him to see that my grades fell below average.
"…" there was nothing I can say this time. All I can do is stay silent and stand infront of my parents like a statue.
"I've given you everything you need, and this is what I get from you!? You shameless bastard! Why can't you be more like your brother!? Can't you do any better than this!?"
Be more like my brother?… should I have been born like a weak child that can't even take care of himself!? What did Kyle even achieve?! So far, everything he has done is to pass with such average results!
"—are you going to stay silent, you little brat!? Answer me!"
"Dad, I'm sor—" before I can apologize, he hit me hard on the head.
"You can't even do anything right! Get out of my sight!" As he told me off, I left him alone and got inside my room. Every part of my body felt numb and shaking, despite that, I refuse to shed tears and just open a book to read.
But no matter how much I read, I can't understand a single thing. In the end, I just ended up staring at the pages while submerging deep in my thoughts again.
'If that brother of mine never existed, will I be happier? Will my life be better than it is right now?'
I kept dreaming of a life where it was just the three of us, without the real problem child. My mom would ask me how my day at school is, and make me my favorite meals. Dad would play catch with me or even take me along to the mall to buy snacks or just boast about me being a good son.
We'd be like the happy family that I always dreamed of.
Dreaming has always been fun, until you find yourself in a reality that you have to take a test with nothing else in mind. "Shit, I-I don't… I can't remember the answers." I knew I was doomed at that moment.
Instead of studying, my mind always wandered off. And what was left to do is prepare for another scolding.
As soon as the results came out, dad called me out as expected. Mom was only behind him, standing there to witness how I'm going to get scold again. "We've been over this, and yet, you never learn." Anyone can hear it in dad's voice.
Nothing but pure disappointment.
"I'm fucking tired, Keith. I'm busy dealing with your brother's health, I'm busy with keeping my damn job, and you… YOU JUST HAVE TO BE ANOTHER PROBLEM!?"
"…"
"IF YOU COULD BE MORE LIKE YOUR BROTHER! THEN WE WON'T HAVE TO WASTE TIME LIKE THIS!"
For me, father has always been like the sea. A sea that is cold and deep, and if you were to dive into it, you'll drown if you get tired of swimming your way to the surface. And it was getting difficult for me to resurface as I'm slowly losing consciousness with little air I have left…
"—CAN YOU BE ANY WORSE THAN YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!?"
But why should I struggle to make things harder for myself? If I did make it to the surface, that will only mean that I can get dragged down and suffer from struggling again.
Why not just drown and die?
That's way more easier.
"…it's always about Kyle… always him you guys are so proud of…"
"What non-sense are you saying right now!?"
"IT'S ALWAYS KYLE! NOTHING BUT KYLE! TELLING ME TO BE LIKE KYLE! ALWAYS ABOUT KYLE! FUCK KYLE, WHAT ABOUT ME!?—" I was hit by dad again by my sudden outburst.
"Are you hearing yourself right now, Keith!? This isn't about Kyle, we're talking about you!!"
"Then if it really is about me, then WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING ME TO BE LIKE HIM!?"
"BECAUSE HE 'IS' BETTER THAN YOU!"
"HOW IS SOMEONE SO PATHETIC BETTER THAN ME!? THAT SHITTY KYLE NEVER EVEN ACHIEVED ANYTHING LIKE I DID BEFORE! WHAT MAKES HIM SO GREAT THAT I HAVE TO BE LIKE HIM!?"
"YOUR BROTHER IS SICK, HE'S ALWAYS AT THE HOSPITAL JUST TO SURVIVE!! AND HE MANAGES TO GET FAIR GRADES DESPITE HIS CONDITION! UNLIKE YOU WHO'S BORN HEALTHY, HE BARELY CAN LIVE HIS LIFE WITHOUT DEPENDING ON TREATMENT AND MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY!!"
Of course, compared to Kyle, my petty problems is nothing like his. He was struggling to keep on living while I was being fucking selfish. Again, I ended up with nothing to say and received another hit from dad.