Carmela burst through the front door and kicked her shoes off. Aunt Kass came running around the corner.
"Oh, dios mio! It's just you my beautiful mija! I thought someone broke in or something..." Aunt Kass said, sighing.
"I'm gonna go to my room. Please don't disturb me." Carmela said and slumped down the hall to her bedroom. She heard her aunt call behind her.
"Okay love! Tell me if you're hungry or you need something and I'll be right there."
Carmela shut the door of her room, and threw her bag on the floor. Her whole body ached with pain. Not physical pain though. It was a weird type of pain. She'd never felt something like this before. Like she was just paralyzed and frozen in this weird sudden depression.
"Ughhhhh..." She peeled her clothes off and walked to the bathroom, taking a quick shower.
As the warm water soothed her body, she couldn't help but stare down at herself. Her almost flat chest, her messy tangled hair, her fat toes, her skinny legs, the light pink scars on the tops of her thighs...
She shivered, and looked back up at the shower wall, just standing. Why am I like this... of course he doesn't like me... who would like me... I'm fucking crazy... I'm always depressed... my mom committed suicide because of my dad... my life is crazy... why would anyone wanna have anything to do with me... I even tried to kill myself--
"Sh-shit..." Carmela tilted her trembling face up to the shower, letting the falling water wash away her tears.
...
Carmela pulled on a baggy white t-shirt and slipped on some comfy underwear. She dragged herself to her room, shut the door and collapsed on the bed, burying herself in the covers.
Her mind drifted to... him. His eyes, the way he looked so sexy as he held her, right up in her face. She shivered as she remembered the way his soft lips brushed over hers, and the way she slid her hands over his unbuttoned black shirt, covering his muscular arms and broad shoulders. She felt her breaths stagger, and warmth crept between the middle of her thighs, seeping up into her core.
"Maybe it's because I can't stop thinkin about you..."
Her hand moved down between her thighs, and she crept under her panties. Her fingers pushed around in her folds and she sucked her bottom lip, fluttering her eyelids, as a twinge of pleasure blossomed inside her.
"I feel fuckin crazy... you turn me on so bad, Carmela..."
The deep grunt of his voice saying her name, made her stomach flutter with butterflies and she bent her legs, as her wrist moved faster, around and around in her vag. She pushed deeper inside, moaning, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. Fuck, it felt so good. Her fingers slid in and out of her, warm and wet, and she arched her back, sighing in pleasure.
"A-Ahh...."
She shut her eyes, and for a moment, she imagined Tae's gorgeous face right next to her in the bed, his long fingers pumping in and out of her instead. His lips brushed over hers, and she moaned gnawing at his strong jaw.
"T-Tae..." Her back arched as her fingers slid fast in and out of her warm, a flurry of pleasure flooding her senses.
"All I'm thinkin is... I just wanna fuckin kiss her..."
Carmela screamed out as her body shook, her fingers trembled as they finally slipped out of her, warm and soaking. She closed her eyes and relaxed her body, trying to regain her breaths.
"Fuck..."
She shakily got up, wiping the sweat off her forehead and threw everything off her bed. Once she had washed up, and changed the covers and bedsheets, she crashed on the bed, too tired to do anything but sleep.
....
My body shook with sobs, as I sat on the bed with my head in my hands.
"Please, Lucy... Enough of this! Get a hold of yourself, why are you crying so much after that puta, huh?! He's not my brother anymore, I've forgotten him! You should forget him too, love. You have to." Isadora said next to me.
"He... I can't b-believe he would do something like this... How could he do this to me? How the hell could he just get up and leave me f-for that bitch? Why.... Isa, I miss him so much, Isa... I feel like I'm gonna die..."
I looked up at Isadora with blurry eyes, and my chest throbbed with sharp pain. The plump woman stood up, her forehead creased with worry.
"No te preocupes, hermana. Everything will be alright." She said, and reached to take my hand out from under the covers.
I removed both my trembling hands from beside me under the blanket and Isadora shrieked, jumping back.
"What--" I was confused. Until I looked down at my arms in my lap.
They were drenched and caked with dark red blood, all the way up to my elbows.
There was no pain from the bleeding cuts.
There was no pain from my aching heart.
There was no pain from my dry eyes.
There was no more pain.
No more.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, smiling. I let my limp arms fall to my sides and felt my breath drift away from my lungs.
"MAMA? MAMA!"
....
"Mama...?"
Carmela's eyes sprung open, her hair drenched with sweat. What the hell... these dreams were getting too crazy. She took a couple of deep breaths and blinked her blurry eyes.
Sliding of the bed, she slumped to floor and raked her fingers through her hair. But then a thought came to her mind.
Great. It was work today.
Carmela never expected herself to dread going to work. But after last night... she didn't wanna come face to face with Roxana or... Tae.
Ah, whatever. Time to get ready. Carmela picked herself up and took a quick shower.
She pulled on a pair of light purple nylon leggings and a black cropped hoodie. Grabbing her purple duffle bag, she hurried out the room and out the front door, slipping on a pair of white Nike running shoes. It was better not to wake up Aunt Kass and answer all her questions she had saved for the morning.
Carmela stepped out on the lawn, under the bright morning sun and pulled her hair up into a high ponytail, brushing her bangs down.
Jerome, as usual on work days, was seated in the car on the driveway. As soon as she sat down in the front seat, he sped away, yawning with one hand on the steering wheel.
Carmela looked at the man from the corner of her eye and cleared her throat.
"Jerome... can I ask you a question?" Carmela blurt out.
The old man looked surprised as he stared at the road.
"Well, yes of course."
"Uhm... have you ever been in a relationship?"
"Relationship? Like with a woman or man?"
"Yes, Jerome, like marriage or dating."
"Of course I have. Why do you ask?"
"How do you know if the other person likes you?"
Jerome glanced at her, confused at the sudden conversation.
"Well... I guess they would try to be around you alot."
"Hm. And?"
"And... they'd be a little shy towards you."
"Oh." Tae wasn't shy. Was he?
"They'd also get super jealous if you give someone else attention."
"Really?" Carmela turned in her seat to face him.
"Yep. I remember when one of my boyfriends, from way back then, almost killed my best friend because he thought we were in love." Jerome chuckled, remembering the past.
"Oh. Thanks Jerome."
"No problem." He nodded and Carmela stared out her window.
She was almost sure that she... liked Tae. What? Am I really thinking that? But there was no other explanation for her feelings. She had never felt like this before. She had never... fingered herself before.
Yeah, maybe I do like Tae.
But... he doesn't like me.