It was the sunlight through the blinds that woke Tem. From the moment he opened his eyes, he wanted to fall asleep again. This is going to be a terrible day, was the first thing he thought. It felt as if a dark heavy cloud hung over him. So heavy that it felt like it was pushing him to the ground. Tem had to gather all the strength he had to even get out of bed, and as soon as he did, he crawled back. He wanted to lay under the blanket, turn off the phone and sleep for the rest of his life
Today he would cancel the wedding and never have a relationship again. The thought made his heart hurt. But what could he do? He had that mark on his neck. He was forever tied to a boy who didn't want to touch him. That would only see him as nothing more than a friend. But Tem didn't want to settle for that. He wanted someone to look at him and think things like, 'Damn, that ass is fine. I wonder how it tastes,' or just be with someone who truly loved him. But no. That would never happen.
For the first time since the night he met Eamon, Tem felt trapped. He was bound and his love life was now in the hands of a fourteen-year-old heterosexual boy. Tem realised that he hadn't understood the seriousness of it all. And he was filled with bitterness so intense that his body trembled. It just wasn't fair. He never wanted a fated pair. Hell, he hadn't even known that fated pairs existed before he happened to meet his. And now, he could never have sex with anyone but Eamon. He couldn't even kiss anyone else. He had discovered that the hard way the day before. When Tem got home, he puked like crazy. It was as if his head was cracking like overripe fruit, and he felt sick.
Eamon could kiss as many people as he wanted without feeling like he was going to die. He could have sex and have children. Sure, it wasn't like Tem wished to have kids, but he wanted that choice to be his. And the more Tem thought about it, the angrier he got. Eamon didn't have this type of problem. He was an alpha, and everything was so damn easy for him.
And finally, it dawned on Tem. He would forever go through his heats all alone. No one would be there to help him, no one who'd calm him with their pheromones. Tem had been through a few heats alone before, and he hated it. The desperation, the loneliness and the overwhelming lust no one would help him with. He couldn't force Eamon to be with him, and Eamon was also a minor. Tem knew that no matter how kind Eamon was, he would never want to have sex with him. Why would he? Tem was a guy with a flat chest and a dick. Eamon would have to put his cock in Tem's ass. Of course, the straight boy would find that disgusting. Tem could understand that. Tem would never want to thrust his cock into a woman. Just the thought made his skin crawl.
Tem didn't realise it yet, but he was on the verge of going into a serious depression. Well, he knew he had been very energetic the past weeks, and now it felt like he was coming down from a high. Because his manic episode had been unusually long, the backlash thanks to all the energy he spent, the sleepless nights and hidden stress would make this depression severe. Just as his psychologist had predicted. That's how his disorder worked. Episodes of mania and then of depression. High and lows. And unfortunately, his depression was triggered at the worst time possible.
Tem didn't want to meet anyone. He didn't want to talk to anyone or think of anyone. He wanted to forget everything about the wedding, the mark on his neck, about the one who loved him and the one he had started to have feelings for. But unfortunately, he couldn't escape it. Farid would there in less than an hour, and thinking about it gave Tem a headache. He didn't want to have this conversation. He really didn't want to. And most of all, Tem didn't want to see Farid sad. No, he wanted Farid to be happy. And the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he truly hated the thought of ending things with Farid. Sure, they were different. They had different interests and personalities. But was that really such a big deal? He and Eamon were also very different. And Farid had been in Tem's life for as long as he could remember. Always there to keep him company, in his own way. Tem had never actually disliked the idea of marrying Farid. Not only because it would be easier that way for everyone, which he always said to himself was the reason, but because deep inside, Tem had always wanted Farid in his life.
Tem was so far under the blanket that only his face was visible when he started to imagine that Farid would never call him again, and it didn't feel right. Farid should call him every day, scold him a little, and Tem would tease him back. All in good fun. Then Tem pictured Farid not loving him anymore. That he loved someone else, that he would marry someone else. And the thought hurt Tem so much that tears filled his heterochromia eyes and his body trembled as he tried to stop the tears from falling. Farid would tell someone else that he loved them. Farid would call them every day. He would give them tender kisses and touch their body with love. Someone other than him. Tem buried his nails hard in the palm of his hand. It hurt, but that was a good thing. The bodily pain took the edge of the pain in his heart.
Still thinking of Farid falling in love with a faceless someone, Tem received a text message. It was from Eamon, and it did absolutely nothing to make him feel better. Instead, Tem began to chew on his lower lip so hard that it didn't take long before he could feel the taste of blood in his mouth.
'Please answer! I'm really worried. Are you okay? How did it go yesterday? Please, Tem, call me!'
Tem hadn't answered any of Eamon's calls. As soon as he got home from the dinner with the parents, Tem turned off the sound on his phone, and even though he felt bad about it, he didn't want to talk to Eamon. The young man hadn't done anything wrong, but Tem still didn't want to talk to him. Not now. Not when he was about to hurt the man who had loved him for almost twenty years.
The next text message was from Farid. Tem's mouth became uncomfortably dry, and when he tried to moisten his lips, he could feel a strong taste of iron. With trembling hands, he held the cell phone while reading the message.
'I'm on my way. See you soon.'
Tem looked at the display. He couldn't take his eyes off it. The words seemed to scream at him. Farid was on his way. He would most likely want to give his fiancé a kiss when he got there, but that was impossible. Tem pulled the blanket over his head and closed his eyes. If only he could cease to exist.
That's how Farid found Tem. The alpha had a key to the apartment, and when Tem didn't answer when he called his name, Farid went to the bedroom. He knew Tem would be there. It was still before lunch, and Tem wasn't working, or at the psychologist's, so Farid came to the only reasonable conclusion. Tem was still asleep.
Farid stopped at the door. He looked at the pile on the bed, and although nothing showed on his face, he was filled with a warm, gentle feeling. Farid knew that he was extremely bad at showing his feelings. He had learned early on that it was to his disadvantage to show what he felt. Since he was a small child, Farid's father had made him act more like an emotionless machine than a person. If he showed emotion, his opponent would take the opportunity to crush you. But Farid wanted to change. He wanted to show Tem how much he meant to him. The pile on the bed moved a little, and Farid couldn't help but smile. It wasn't a big smile, but it was a tender one. He loved Tem. He loved him more than words could ever convey. He had loved Tem since they were children.
Farid thought Tem was like the spring, full of life and vibrant, bright colours. He was like the summer, a glowing sun that shared its warmth with everyone. Tem was also like autumn, with thunderstorms and dark, gloomy evenings, but beautiful in its own way. He was like the soft winter, full of childlike joy in the glittering snow and cosy like the nights in front of the fireplace. Farid adored all parts of Tem. And he also knew that Tem didn't love him, even though Tem always tried to pretend he did. Farid also knew that Tem wasn't looking forward to the wedding, but Farid was determined to make Tem happy. He would help him through all difficulties. He would share every painful moment. For Farid loved Tem. He loved him more than anything.
"I can see you moving," Farid said, hating how cold he sounded and cursing his father for making him like that.
Tem didn't respond.
"How about we go and buy sushi?"
Tem still said nothing, even though Farid tried to lure Tem with his favourite food, and that was when Farid knew something was wrong. He walked to the bed and sat down at Tem's feet, and he carefully placed his hand on top of the blanket.
"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I am here. I'll go and make some coffee. Call if you need anything."
Farid had seen this before. Lots of times. He knew it wouldn't work to try to force Tem to speak. Tem just needed to know that Farid was there for him. But when Farid was about to stand up, Tem's hand shot out from under the blanket, grabbed Farid's hand, and held it tight. Farid sat down again.
"I'm sorry."
Tem's voice trembled as he was about to cry, and Farid stroked the covers with his free hand.
"I was wrong. I'm so sorry, Farid."
Tem rarely cried in front of others. The last time Farid had seen the four years younger man cry was when he was in the psychiatric ward. And that was because he finally got to go home.
"Calm down. What are you sorry about?"
Now Farid was really worried, and he had a bad feeling about this. He watched as the blanket moved, and first, he saw Tem's face and then his slender upper body. Farid was startled when he saw how worn Tem looked. His face was pale, his eyes were red, and his hair tangled. His lips were cracked, and his palms were bleeding. But before Farid could say anything, Tem put his left hand in front of his eyes and began to cry with a painful expression on his face.
"Why didn't I realise it before? Please, forgive me. I shouldn't have taken you for granted."
"Please Tem, talk to me. What happened?"
Farid was now more than scared. He was terrified. He understood that something serious had happened, and then Tem turned around, and there on the neck, Farid saw it. It was a little red and hadn't healed completely. He could clearly see what it was. It was a bite mark and not from an animal.
With a trembling voice, Farid whispered, "what is that?" and unconsciously, he touched the bite mark. He traced the scar with his fingertips. Tem shuddered at the touch, but instead of feeling pleasure like when Eamon touched it, he now shook with discomfort, and he jerked at the unpleasant touch. Farid quickly withdrew his hand. The shock turned to rage, and it was as if his blood was boiling.
"Who did this to you? I'll kill them!"
Tem quickly turned to Farid, and his eyes widened in surprise. Farid's face, which was usually empty of emotions, now looked like he could kill.
"You can't," Tem said in a trembling voice, taking Farid's hands in his.
"What do you mean? Did you want this?" There wasn't only anger in Farid's voice but also despair.
"No, I didn't want this."
"So, we have to find that bastard and get the mark off. Tell me who it was. I'll call the police right away!"
Tem closed his eyes. He didn't want to, but he had to say it. And then there was no turning back.
"We can't remove it. He's my fated pair."
The silence was deafening. None of them said anything. None of them moved. They even held their breath and stared at each other. Tears ran down Tem's cheeks. Farid had an expression of complete defeat. For a long time, it was as if time stood still. Tem was the one who broke the silence.
"I didn't want a fated pair. I was just working, and then I met him."
"When?" Farid's voice shook. Tem didn't know if it was because of anger or sadness.
"Last Saturday."
Farid said nothing for a long time. Tem saw that he was trying to find the words.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you were in China. I didn't want to tell you over the phone. But Farid, you must believe me. I didn't want this. I had every intention of marrying you."
Farid stared at Tem, and that was when he started to cry. It shocked Tem, but he reacted immediately. He pulled the crying man into a firm embrace and cried with him. There they sat for a long time in each other's arms and just cried.
None of them knew how it started, but suddenly they were kissing. It didn't take long before Tem began to feel nauseous. At first, it was faint, like he had eaten too many sweets, but the feeling of queasiness became more intense when their tongues began to caress each other. Then it was like he had been drinking way too much. But Tem didn't give up. Still kissing, he pushed Farid down on the bed and straddled him. Although he didn't feel well, he tried to think only of the taste of Farid, and he did everything to ignore queasiness. But it was pointless, and he gagged. Farid gently pushed Tem away and looked at him with tear-filled eyes.
"You feel sick, right?"
Tem shook his head, but he stopped kissing Farid. Instead, he crawled down to Farid's groin, quickly pulled down Farid's trousers and took the growing erection in his mouth. He didn't feel as sick as before, but still, his stomach hurt, and his skin crawled.
"You have to stop, Tariq."
"I don't want to," Tem muttered, continuing to kiss the length of Farid's cock.
Tem had made up his mind. He could do this. He knew he could beat this bond, and Tem started to get hard, but then nausea hit so intensely that he barely had time to turn his head over the edge of the bed before vomiting on the floor. Farid put his hand on his back, but it made Tem jump, and he threw up even more. Farid quickly removed his hand, and feeling helpless, he sat next to Tem and watched as the man he loved vomited so much that he could barely breathe. Just because they touched each other.
When Tem began to calm down, he lay down on the bed with his hands over his face.
"I don't want this."
Farid was about to hold Tem, but he stopped. He was afraid to make Tem sick. They fell silent again. Tem cried, and Farid tried not to do the same. After some time, when they had both calmed down again, Tem turned to Farid.
"I'm sorry I realised it so late."
"Realised what?"
"That I really love you."
Farid smiled, and it was a beautiful smile.
"I love you too. So there's nothing we can do?"
Tem shook his head.
"No. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not your fault."
"You know, I don't deserve you. I never did. You are wasted on someone like me."
"That's not true. I knew you didn't feel the same, but I was selfish. I still wanted to marry you," Farid objected.
But Tem just smiled. It was the saddest smile Farid had ever seen.
"I really hate this," Farid said, and his voice broke at the end.
"Yeah, me too."
And they looked at each other, and they both knew that this was the end. Twenty years of love, friendship and loyalty. And Tem felt something starting to grow inside him. Something dark that would surely devour him. And he didn't care. Not at all.