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~Mikado's point of view~
So, back out of the hospital and it's full of action. Namely, the press. As soon as I took my first step out, the waiting press surrounded me, or tried to, being held back by some bodyguards Noah kindly produced for me. My three friends tried to shield me as best as they could, Bennett covering me with his blazer. Huh, so he also knows how annoying the press is. They are like a pack of hungry sharks, smelling blood and suddenly swarming around their prey. It's horrible. Why can't I, they, us live normal lives? Why must the press be so infatuated with us, onyx appearing when there's tea. They even go so far as stalking us to our homes and spying to see if there's anything to write about. It's getting pretty darn annoying and incredibly ridiculous.
Finally, the four of us made it to the limo and we stepped in. The blind went up and finally, no more flashing cameras of microphone seeing stuffed into our faces. I'm just so tired of being like a caged animal in a zoo. All of us think. We are all tired of it, being ogled at. We don't choose our families, we didn't choose to be the child or children of really powerful and rich people. We only want to live normal lives like the rest of you. Not like fishes in a dumb tank.
"Hey, Mikado, you okay?"Noah asked in a quiet voice. I had no idea I was scrunching up my face. Darn, I need to be more careful. "Yeah. I'm fine. You? Did I miss much?"I asked in return in that annoying innocent voice of mine. Ugh, I hate needing to act like this. I'm fed up with this charade but what can I do? Nobody will like the real me. "No. Not too much although, we need to do a lot of catching up."replied Adrian with a boyish smile on his face. "I'm glad you weren't hurt badly."Bennett said, his periwinkle eyes boring holes knot my own. "I'm not sure what I would've done, what we would've done if you were injured badly, or if you even died."he said afterwards, suddenly breaking contact and staring straight ahead like that didn't happen. Why do I feel warm when he said that, when they all said what they said? Why do I feel all fuzzy and jelly like? Is it because they care, that somebody cares about me? Or is something more? It can't be something more. It can't. I'll, I only cause grief and heartbreak. They shouldn't be near me.
"Hey. Mikado! We're here!"Adrian called out to me as he stood outside of the car with the other two, waiting for me. When did the car stop? Was the car ride so short? Either way, I'm glad it is. I took hold of Adrian's and realised how small mine are compared to his. It's amazing, the size difference. He helped me out of the car and once again, I stood before the Shibuya Mansion, my home yet, it never felt like a home to me. Only a temporary residence really.
"Do you want to come inside for a drink and some food?"I asked them whilst walking over to the gate for face recognition and handprint and eye recognition. Yes, lot's of security. "Sure. Why not."Adrian replied, jogging up to me. The other two followed more slowly, taking a good look around the place. Last time, they were only here for a few minutes so they couldn't really explore the place. It's not the actual building that's amazing. It's what is below that is even better.
"So, how far behind are we?"I asked them, as we sat around the coffee table, the fireplace on. "Not too badly, we managed to stay in the top 20 however, we are 19th."briefed Bennett, telling me a few other things with Noah and Adrian sometimes chipping in. "Ah, right. Okay. Well...how about we start now."I suggested, taking a sip of my tea. Adrian slat out his drink, Noah almost choked on his and Bennett of course remained cool and composed. I've missed their company and for once, I don't actually feel scared to show them who I really am anymore. I feel like I can trust them now. It's time we stop harbouring secrets. I feel tired of all these secrets, pent up inside of me.
"Before we go, I need to show you something."I announced, grabbing the attention of all three of them. "Hit me."Adrian said, doing the indication a fighter would. I couldn't help but laugh at his silliness. I really have missed these guys, a lot. A real lot even though it was only you a few days. Slowly, I reached up to my forehead, my golden eyes staring into each of theirs. They followed my hand, their hazes completely trained on it. Then, I pulled it off. I finally pulled my wig off, showing my true self.
The wig fell to the floor with a noise, the beautiful brown locks nothing but plastic. Surprisingly, none of them gasped in horror or made faces. Just stared intently at me before each taking sips of their drinks. "So…..you've seen what I really look like, well….only a bit. Wait. Let me change."I rushed out before running out of the room,snatching my wig from the floor.
Oh my god! I've taken my wig off! I feel...relieved. Strangely, I feel relieved, freed from something I didn't know chained me. I feel like one secret is gone, a burden has been lifted off my chest. I hurriedly changed into some straight cut jeans, a white t-shirt, black fingerless combat gloves, a grey hoodie and some black trainers from Sketchers. Yes, I'm not a girly girl but a tomboy. I hate it. Wearing those fancy dresses, those heels, wearing make-up and everything. It's so annoying, itchy and….just plain stupid. What's the point in showing how rich you are? That's not what's important in life. Life is about finding out who you are, having fun. Being able to experience what love is. But, that differs from person to person. What is the point of life? Afterall, we are born just to die. Some people say life is for partying. Others say to become rich. But I believe life is there so we can experience what being human is about. I believe life is there so we can experience love, sadness, being worried, being scared. That's what I believe life is, so we know that being a human is okay. That being imperfect is okay and not a bad but a good thing.
I hurried down the stairs again to the living room and there she was, Mikano, chatting along with my friends. Honestly, there was a sudden spike of jealousy yet it subsided rather quickly. What's going on with me? Why am I jealous when just another woman is near them? Why do my cheeks feel flushed when all they are doing is laughing. Those four, they look so perfect together, like they are a scene from a movie. They don't look real together. They look like absolute perfection. I don't see myself in the picture. I don't belong, don't deserve to be friends with them. I...I just bring heartbreak, distrust, pain and anger. I'm nothing but a monster that should never be let out of it's iron cage. I should not be allowed to roam free. I killed Mr.Gae, Min-Jun and Hayoon have no father anymore. Ms.Gae has no husband. I feel so bad for them. And it's my fault. I...I need to go.
Silently, I sneaked out of the house, a scarf around me whilst I wore my greenish blue waterproof coat. I….it….they remind me of what I want. What I wish I could've experienced. What my childhood should've been like. I...can't be there. It felt like I was suffocating in that room. Like I was drowning in the depths of an ocean, like something was tugging me down into the darkness of the bottomless ocean. I can see my breath come out of my mouth, coming in short gasps as I ran through the winter night. It feels better here, the coldness biting against my skin, the snow falling and coating my hair. I feel free outside, away from people. Away from my life. I just wish that I could be normal. Not be socially awkward.
I kept running and somehow, I ended up at the small park where the little kids usually play. The whole place looked like a winter wonderland, everything covered in brilliant white snow. I was always on the bench, watching as the other kids played, my elder brother, Mika and Mikano. They all seemed to be happy and having fun, smiling and laughing. I remember feeling extremely envious, jealous. But then, it always subsided after what she told me.
"You're nothing but a monster. You're nothing but a monster that killed your...their mother because of your selfish desire. You don't deserve to have friends, experience love. You don't deserve to be happy at all. You don't even deserve to live".
These words keep echoing in my head like they just were screamed at me yesterday. My vision is blurring and I catch myself on a railing of the stairs, clutching my head with my left hand as I slowly stumble down to the park.
"How dare you survive that. How dare you come to us, to them, alive. You should've died along with her. You're nothing but a spare. You're not even needed to exist. I can't even bear to look at you, you….you...demon! You demon from hell"!
Pain shot through my head as the memories slowly all unraveled in my head. Memories of when we were once a holy family or really, when I was part of it. Kosuke trying to feed me, Mikano puking on mother. Mika sneaking through the night to eat cookies with Mikano and I. Kosuke caught us and then joined us. Mother finding us and scolding us. Father giving us hugs, playing with us. I miss that so much, even though it's all in the past.
When mother died, everything changed. Father started coming himself drunk. Kosuke started smoking stuff. Mika and Mikano stopped playing with me and started bullying me. It all changed because of me. I was the cause of their grief and I always will be. I'm nothing but a reminder, a memory of her, my, our mother. I am just a reminder of what happened that day4 years ago.
"Mikado"! People shouted my name over again. Friends or is the press? "Mikado!"they called again and I looked up, seeing three blurry people standing at the top of the stairs, panting heavily. I smiled weakly, watching as they hurried down, taking more than two steps at a time. So, people really do care about me. Pain pulled through me once again and I hissed in pain. It felt like somebody was stabbing me over and over again. Not again. Not again. Not another painful memory.
"Mother!"I was screaming as I saw her being pushed into another van. "Wake up! Mom! Please! Let me go! I need to be with her!"I screamed in anguish as the doors closed and she disappeared into the other white van. "No. No no no."I murmured as the memory replayed before me. "How is she, how is my mother?"I asked in a defeated voice as I groaned in pain, my face streaked with tears. "I don't know."replied the old man truthfully as he fixed my bed and refilled my water. "Can I see her?"I asked him meekly but he slowly shook his head. My head dropped a little. "She's asleep right now. You can see her once your a bit better and can walk around."he told me reassuringly, giving me a bright smile that I fully returned.
I was in a wheelchair, Kosuke pushing me but without the usual smile in his face. He seemed so serious. The doors were opened for us and then I saw my mother, looking so peaceful yet too pale. She seems too pale, even a bit yellow. Her lips were cracked and dried and her hair looked greasy. "Mother! Wake up! It's me, Mikado."but she didn't respond, only moved lifelessly as I shook her. "Mother!"I shouted, pleadingly, tears threatening spill over but she didn't respond, her eyes remained closed. She felt so cold and…"Stop it!"shouted Kosuke in a broken voice. "She's dead! Your mother is dead!"he screamed in anguish, tears falling down his face. "You killed her."he said in barely a whisper. "You killed her!"he said more loudly, wiping away his tears. "You killed her because you wanted ice-cream! If you had just listened to her when she said no, none of this would've happened!"and then he ran from the room, leaving me all alone with my dead mother, my eyes widened in shock yet dull, no spark of hope in them anymore.
"Mikado!"somebody screamed again and I forced my eyelids to open up. White hair. White hair like...snow. It's beautiful and fluffy. It felt fluffy when I touched it and I started stroking it. "You're okay."the person breathed in relief. My vision is fuzzy and the words are so loud, too loud that they sound muffled, like I am being swallowed by the sea. "It's okay! Keep your eyes open. You'll be fine."the voice said, panicked. It was like it was trying to calm it's own doubts. Two other people were by my side or standing around me. I could feel pressure somewhere, on my body and I felt some liquid on my body. I forced myself to look down and I saw this bright, red liquid flowing from me. Is that blood?
"Mikado, stay with us, please!"begged another male voice and I felt a tear fall onto my face. "Please! Don't close your eyes. Stay with us. You can't die on us. We...we haven't even known each other for that long."it said in a broken and desperate voice. Forcing my numb arm upwards, I cupped the male face in my hand and he took it. I wanted to speak. I so badly want to speak, erasure them that I'm fine, that I'll survive but nothing came out of my mouth except blood. I'm coughing blood!
"Adrian, help me! We need to stop the bleeding!"ordered a third voice. I could hear the loud noises of the ambulance and then suddenly more voices. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted up from the white-haired person's arms. I don't want to leave. I feel safe in his arms. I feel safe, secure, happy and warm in his arms. "No."I managed to murder but not without coughing blood. "Quick, the bullets are poisoned!"a voice said urgently and I was lifted into a van. A white one, just like my other was put into before she died. "Am I going to die?"I asked nobody in particular and nobody responded. "Mikado! Keep your eyes open dammit!"somebody shouted at me. Hey! It's snow boy again.
"Hi, snow boy."I murmured, a weak smile on my face before I closed my eyes. I'm so tired. I deserve to rest. I need to sleep.
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Author's note.
This signifies the close binds humans have. It doesn't need to be family. It can be friends instead that feel like your family. Humans always have close bonds and even though it feels like they don't people will always be there for you. You'll never truly ever be along. Remember that. Please.
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