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I catch my breath heavily as I got up from my nightmare. Again. The cool breeze in my room envelops me that give shivers through my body. It's still dark outside.
Now Im sweating and it feels like suffocating. Tears turn in to sobbing and it felt heavier every second. Every night this nightmare never left me and I always end up crying.
When it will stop? I dont know.
I cried like it happened just yesterday but the truth is it's been a long time ago. My heart clench with so much hurt and tiredness. I wipe the tears on my face and calm my myself it feels both of my eyes are puffy. Got to breath in and got up. I need to let this go for a while.
Slowly, I walk to my other room just by the staircase. I open the door and walk towards my piano. Yes, this room is my Music Studio, my haven. I look around as I've been searching for someone but no one's here. Call me crazy if you want to because I treasure this room so much. Aside from my piano I have different instruments here in my studio. My Mom bought all of it because she knows i love music and she was my biggest fan.
All the things in here reminds me of her. Especially, this piano. She taught me how to play piano. We always sang together, play together, and even writing me a song. My tears are traitor for just sliding on my face involuntarily. One tear to hiw many I cant count how many tears I had shed for the past years.
I just keep missing her. I always misses her everytime, everyday and every second.
I slowly sit on my chair. Tears still on my face and closing my eyes. I touch the keys slowly and softly. Feeling every bit of the cold tile. I breath in and started pressing the keys. I will play some of my Mother taught me.
With a smile by Eraserheads (Piano Version)
When I start humming and tried to calm myself it feels like Im floating to somewhere who I longed to be. Imagining my Mother sits just beside me.
Even though I can't say the lyrics or voice it out. I really can't. I just can't. I tried so hard to bring back my voice but I ended up scared.
I continue playing one of my favourite song. Every minutes passed, now I can say I am calm. I smile bitterly of the thought of life.
I can't talk, I can't smile, I can't argue with people, I can't trust somebody so easily even though my Dad always there to protect me and with my cousins with me. He always understand me no matter how or what it is. He gave me more than what I need, his attention, his love, I guess he's the most loving Father i know. He's the only one and the reason why Im still holding to my life. I can't leave him alone in this cruel world. They never leave my side for the past years I mourned. They visited me every now and then, they invited me to go out with them but you guess, I end up myself locked in my room avoiding people to talk to me and avoiding their pitiful eyes. I can't stand it. Then there's this days I can't bare going to school.
By the looks of them, every time I cross to their paths their eyes roaming all over my body. I dont understand about it. Why would they do that kind of stare? Whispering some gossips about me and my Mom! Laughing and judging me for not protecting my Mom. Im just 9 years old back then!!!! What am i supposed to do!!! I never expect it to be this way in my life. Having a loving parents, cool cousins, never have a sibling, all alone, and a loser. I just cant stand myself for too long.
Then one day, my Dad suggested that I will be homeschooled. Fine by me so just me and my tutor, Ms. Annielyn Mancio 7 years she taught everything she knows. For being a girl to a fine lady, shy to a smart one, weak into a stronger person, a little bit loner. She was very fond of me that's why my Dad find her special for taking good care of me. Now they are in a relationship 1 year and counting. It's not a problem for me because Ms. Annie is kind, thoughtful and smart person. She's good for my Father and me. She's like a mother material for me. She live with us now, somehow we get along together. I think its better now this way, continue life and be happy.
I got to hurry up now before its too late for school. I can see the sunlight through the space of the curtain I have to hurry.
I immediately hurried up to my room and get a bath. After that, i glance at the clock it's 7 am! My class starts at 8:30 in the morning. I went downstairs to see my Dad and Mama Annie.
"Good morning sweetie." My Dad greeted me with a smile and hop to give a peck kiss to the side of my head before sipping his black coffee.
"Magandang umaga Hija." Mama Annie greeted me too while filling up the table with foods.
I show them my small smile then grab some food and pour it on my plate. I select all the food in the table and eat not so gracefully. There are things about me for sure is I love food too.
"Dahan-dahan Princess sa pagkain baka naman mabilaukan ka malelate kana ba?" Natatawa si Dad sa akin habang kumakain na rin I cant help it Mama Annie is a best cook.
"Masarap ba Mahlia?" Mama Annie ask.
Sunod sunod ang pagtango ko. Her fried rice was magical with some eggs and bacon. Magana talaga akong kumain yun ang di ko maitatanggi. Tuwang tuwa nga si Dad dahil malakas daw ako kumain naiiling na lang si Mama Annie kasi nawawala na naman ang manners ko. Pero ayos lang sa kanya kasi mas gusto nya naman na kinakain ko ang mga niluluto nya.
After I finish my breakfast, I kissed both of their cheeks bidding goodbye. I have my motorcycle with me so I dont need a driver. As I run nearly to the front door, I heard a shout.
"Drink your medicines Princess, okay Love you?!" Dad shouted.
"Be careful Hija I love you too!" Mama Annie too.
Sumakay na ako sa motor kong niregalo sa akin ni Dad. Ayoko ng kotse kasi masyadong hussle pa sa parking eh itong motor kahit sa gigilid lang pwede ng ipark.
Past 8 am na at hindi naman ako nagmamadali aabot naman ako dahil malapit lang ang University. It owned by my Grandmother then pass to my Mother and in the future, it will legally mine. Gusto nga ni Dad na iannounce yun sa University pero ayaw ko. The faculties, head office and my cousins lang ang nakakaalam ng pagkatao ko. Ang alam naman ng mga estudyante dito stockholders lang ang pamilya ko. Kagustuhan ko itong ilihim kasi ayokong mapaligiran ng mga tao kapag kasi mayaman ka maraming gustong kumaibigan sayo, gamitin ka kung sakali o kaya naman samantalahin ang kayamanan ko, but im not that bulgar kontento na ako kung sa anung meron ako hindi na ako naghahangad pa ng mas malaki pa dun. Mas mabute na rin ang ganito dahil sarili ko lang ang iintindihin ko hindi ko kailangan mapalapit sa kung sino man.
Binuksan ko ang pinto ng room ko then the next thing I knew... Basang basa ako. I kept my straight face then look up I saw an empty pail hanging at the top of the door.
Tsk. Good day to start a day, huh? Sarcastic, please.
"Oow, are you ok honey?" Hahahha Jennifer Santos, the Bully, since this school year starts she started bullying me I dont know why what's her problem with me but everytime she hits me I ignored her. Hanggang sa tinuloy tuloy nya ang pangbubully sakin.
"Hahahahhahaha!" Dinig ko ang lakas ng tawanan ng mga kaklase ko.
"Who did this?! Pffft." Plastik Jennifer said, if i know ikaw may kagagawan nito. Sabi ko pa sa isip ko.
"You should take a bath kasi muna before going school natrigger siguro ng door na hindi kapa naliligo kaya it does the honor! Hahaha" sabi pa ng isa sa alipores nya. Tsk.
May hair is dripping wet down to my uniform and to my shoes. Tskk may dala naman akong extra kaya lang nasa motor ko pa. I clench my fist trying not to fly it to their faces.
"Uuuuhhh!! Are you calling out for help? Go on were listening!! Sumigaw kana !! Hahahahha". Help? That's just for the weak.
"Whats with the face, huh?" , she's looking at me, intensely. "Wanna fight back?" She crosses her arms to her chest and slowly walking towards me with her minions at her back. The crowd in the classroom suddenly went quiet as if watching a movie. I stare back at her.
"What now Mahlia? Matapang kana ba ngayon?". Anu bang problema ng babae na to sakin? Sa naaalala ko, wala naman akong ginagawa sa kanya. Ni hindi ko nga to kinakausap. Tsk. Insecure? Maganda sya,oo, pero bulok ang ugali. Tsk.
I keep my straight face looking at them one by one. Im just laughing in my mind at what I thought that this is gonna be a catfight. Before it happens I turn my head back to the parking lot and get changed.
"Hahaha serves her right! " That's all that I heard. Tsk this is insane. Im all wet and sticky I cant just go home and change. Malalaman ng mga maids at baka sabihin kay Dad ayokong dumating sa punto na magannounce agad sya kapag nalaman ang kalagayan ko sa University.
May mga ilan pang mga estudyante sa corridor I didnt look at them, pero may naririnig akong sumisinghap at nagbubulungan pag nakakalampas na ako. Sa mga lalaki naman may sumisipol at nagtatawanan naman. Tsk This is a hell day.
Pababa na ako ng hagdan ng makasalubong ko ang pamilyar na mukha. Nanlaki ang mata nya ng makita ako napunta ang paningin nya sa basang uniform ko napamulahan sya ng pisngi.
"M-mahlia?". Akmang lalampasan ko na sya ng pigilan nya ako.
"Sandali". Napatingin ako sa kanya ng hawakan ang pulsuhan ko, agad nyang binaba ang bag nya at hinuhubad ang polo nya? What? Nababaliw na ba to? Dito sa hagdanan pa nya naisipan maghubad? Ang weird ng mga tao ngayon. Tsk. Akmang tatalikod na ako ng hilahin na naman nya ako paharap sa kanya.
Anu bang.... Inis at gulat akong napatingin sa kanya.
Tinabon nya ang polo nya sa harap ko. Ang mga kamay nya ay nanatili sa magkabilang balikat ko. Anu bang nangyayare dito? Ba-bakit nya ako hinahawakan? Pero bakit hinahayaan ko sya?! No one dare ever touch me or even look at me!
Aalisin ko na sana ang kamay nya kasama ng polo nya. Pinigilan na naman nya ako. Hawak na nya ngayon ang kamay ko. Nanlalaki ang mata ko at hindi makapaniwala sa nangyayare. Walang nangangahas na kumausap o lumapit sakin gaya ng ginagawa nya ngayon. Sabihan nyo na akong OA hindi kasi to pangkaraniwan para sa akin.
Kung pwede ko lang syang sigawan sa ginagawa nya sakin pero hindi ko magawa para bang ok lang na hawakan nya ako? Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kanya pero siya itong nakaiwas ng tingin.
Tinitigan ko sya ng matagal. Gwapo sya I admit. Naka-white T-shirt na lang sya ngayon. Namumula pa rin ang mukha nya? Anu bang nagyayare dito??
"W-wag mo sa-na tanggalin ang p-olo ko. Ay-okong ma-mababastos ka sa sasabihin ko p-ero na-nakiki-ta kasi ang D-d-dib-dib mo." His words suddenly turn into whisper. Hindi ito agad nagsink in sa utak ko. Unting unting lumaki ang mga mata ko nang marealize na manipis nga lang pala ang uniform ng girls!
"Sorry. Bakit ba basang-basa ka?" Nakita ko sa mga mata nya ang pagaalala. Huh?
Hindi ko na siya sinagot at hinablot ang kamay kong hawak nya sa pagmamadali ay tumalikod at tumakbo yakap-yakap ang polo nya na baka mahulog at mabosohan na naman ako. Kaya pala! Kaya pala binabastos na ako ng mga nakakasalubong ko! Bwisit!! Hindi na ako nagatubiling lumingon sa kahihiyan na yun! Kailangan ko na talagang magpalit!
Humanda ka Jenny!! Makikita mo may araw ka rin!! Hintayin mo.