" i want to be alone. "
REWRITTEN
I woke up to the sound of hell my alarm. Whoever invented school, I swear to god I could punch him right in his face. It is 5 am and my mood is six feet under. Like for real, I don't know anyone who loves to wake up at this ungodly time just to go to school. I groaned, zoning out the next second as I sat up on my bed, jumping slightly as I heard a knock on my door.
" What do you want?" I mumble as a response.
To my surprise, it was none other than Mason, my "lovely" brother. . Every fucking morning he burst into my room to make sure that I get up and get ready for school which is pissing me off even more. I mean .. first of all, give me a second to wake up, second of all mind your own business, I'm not a Child anymore dude. . I love him, I really do, but sometimes he treats me like I'm a fucking baby. Mom said he should take care of me since she left our stepfather and she's barely at home, but the truth is I don't need a "dad". I just need my Brother.
" Estella get your lazy ass up and quit the attitude !" he answers angrily.
" quit the attitude " I mumble, I mean what the fuck does he think ? that I throw an „I'm so excited to get up at 5 am" Party?
"I don't tell twice Stella." he looked down at me with raised eyebrows.
"I'm up, leave my room! " I mumbled, throwing my blanket off of my body.
I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands as I sat on the edge of my bed.. I sat there for about 5 minutes before I got up, grabbed my phone, went to my closet, got my clothes and went to the bathroom.
" fuck off," I say as I step under the shower. I love the comforting feeling when the hot water is running down my body. As I got my shit together, I got out of the shower. I wrapped the towel around my body and walked to the sink, brushed my teeth, spit out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth. I brushed through my light brown hair, laid my brush down on the counter and put my hair back in a messy bun. I dropped my towel and slid on my underwear, my ripped jeans and my Metallica oversized shirt. Let me say I'm not a girly girl so I like to wear comfortable basic clothes.
I didn't feel like "I put my face in a make-up mask" so I decided to only do my eyelashes and eyebrows. I stared in the mirror as I finished both things. I feel like shit, I feel sick but not like sneezing or coughing sick, I feel sick in the head. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Since my stepdad left I've been having these bad nights, nightmares are my best friends now. I just don't understand how everyone around me can be happy, but I feel like a failure. I sighed as I fell deep in my thoughts. Again.
I fell out of my thoughts as I heard Mason screaming on the other side of the door.
" hurry up Stella, we have to go " he pushed the door open.
I rolled my eyes, "Damn. Mason. Calm down ."
It seems like he never wants to leave me alone, not even for a single second but all I want to be is being alone right now. Even tho he is my brother there is not a single day he's realising that I'm not okay. Sad shit.
He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at me.
"What?" I turn away to grab my phone.
" don't be a baby Stella, you know you are always late, you get in trouble if you don't give a fuck about it. get out, I'll drive you "
I turned back to him and groaned as I walked past him and made sure to bump into his shoulder.
" you're not my dad, you don't have to babysit me " I mumble. I walked down the stairs to the living room and grabbed my bag and keys.
"What did you say? " he says as he follows me downstairs.
" nothing. you don't have to drive me, I can do it on my own "," I reach for the door and feel him grab my wrist to stop me from leaving "Drive safe, don't forget you have therapy after school. " he says, pulling me in to hug me.
" yes sir " I said, opening the door and walking out of the house. I made my way to my car and slid into the driver's seat. I grabbed my phone to text my best friend that I was on my way.
I have known her since I was 6, she and her family moved next to us and we became friends pretty fast. We always went to her House After School, to Day she saw my bruises and I had to tell her that my Stepfather was beating me up every day, or worse not giving me food for the whole day.
She had to promise me to keep it a secret, scared that he would kill me if he found out that I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I wish that my real Dad wouldn't have just run away after I turned 2. The real nightmare started after he left, my mom married my abusive Stepfather and now here I am, questioning my existence every day. She didn't know anything about it before I turned 14, most of the time she wasn't even at home because of her job, the only reason she finally caught him being a psycho was when my brother started a fight with him while she came home. She kicked him out and I have been living alone with my mom and brother ever since.
But after all, Denise was there for me, , from the time my stepdad beat me up, when my dad left me again, when I broke up with my girlfriend, to the time I struggled with my depression. I do not want to lose her, she's all I have, she's all that matters.