I turn to my left, peeking over at Drytan. He'd been sitting silently on his phone the whole time. No sounds emitted from his being, even his breathing was barely audible. I didn't know if he was still upset about what happened earlier but to be honest, I didn't care. It was quite obvious that Harry was gay or at least bi. Drystn only had two reasons to be upset with me at the moment, my ignoring him or Harry, which in my opinion, both were stupid reasons. If he didn't lie then we would be on speaking terms and him being upset about Harry was stupid as well. He knew that I was probably never going back to that hotel so our friendship would probably be short-lived or even if we did end up being friends long term, Drystan knew that I was his mate and wouldn't cheat on him. So he had absolutely no reason to be upset. If anyone should've been upset it was me, and I was upset, very upset. I wanted to know what he was hiding. We were cool until that happened.
I look back over at my mate, eyes trailing over his side profile. He was always attractive in my eyes, even before we first met. Many people knew of him, he often visited the lower country packs. Forming alliances and doing his regular business. Buying up properties and meeting with the companies he owned in America and Mexico. I'd only seen pictures of him and heard of how handsome he was from friends and other pack members. The pictures and accounts didn't do him any justice. Drystan was one of- no- he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. His light green eyes were focused on his phone screen, he must've been texting someone or reading reports. He looked bored. I keep my eyes on his face, trailing across his handsome features. Something I've always admired about him were his lashes, they were thick and dark. Making it look as if he wore eyeliner or mascara. A sad smile reaches my lips as a faint memory pops into my head.
Delilah's hazel eyes light up as she sees Drystan enter the room. A large grin forms on my lips as she puts down her toys and speed crawls over towards him. She couldn't walk yet but she was working on it. I stand up from my sitting position on the ground just as she reaches his pant leg. Her small olive hands pull at his pant leg as she uses him to hoist herself up. As soon as she steadies herself she grins up at her father, waiting for him to pick her up. My hands clap together loudly, praising her for her efforts. "Good job!" I exclaim proudly, throwing a thumbs up her way.
"Hey, babygirl." Drystan smiles, his large hands wrapping around her miniature frame. "How's my little étoile doing?" He pulls her up and she clings to his neck, fitting her arms as tightly as she can around it. Drystan makes a choking sound and taps her back. A little laugh leaves me as I pull her off of him. "No, baby." I laugh. "That's my job."
Drystan rubs his throat before leaning over to kiss me. I quickly evade his lips, taking a step away from him. A shocked expression takes form on his face. I turn away from him and smile down at my (almost) replica. She looked almost exactly as I did when I was young with the exception of her eyes and thick lashes. I still didn't know how she got hazel eyes, mine were brown and Drstan's were light green, but her beauty was obviously from me. I lean down and attack her with kisses, her giggles ringing out into the living room.
"What did I do?" Drystan asks, placing his hand on my waist. A small snort leaves my lips, what didn't this man do? But I wasn't mad, I just didn't want to kiss him in front of her, it made me uncomfortable for some reason. I didn't make sense but whatever. "Nothing."
"Then give me a kiss." He states, leaning down towards my lips. I avoid him once again before he pulls my hips towards him, locking me in his arms. Delilah starts to anxiously squirm between us.
"Down." She whines. I place a kiss on her forehead and put her down by our feet. She didn't like being in tight spaces and I was not going to put her in an uncomfortable situation purposely. Drystan takes this as his que to snatch my legs from underneath me and slam me onto our $55,000 dollar, hand-made sectional. I scream as I hit the soft pillows lined on it. Delilah and I played hide and go seek earlier and this was her hiding place. Drystan quickly crawls on top of me and pins me down.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!?" I screech, eyes wide and furious. "If you broke my sofa I swear I'll-"
"You'll what?" He grins down at me, excitement and amusement lingering in his eyes. I cut my eyes at him before leaning up towards his ear. "No sex for a month." I rest my head back on the sofa to admire the damage caused. Drystan was no longer smiling, not even the slightest bit of laughter in his eyes. He gulps hard before he sutters out a question. "Y-you wouldn't do that...would you?" I narrow my eyes at him before breaking out in laughter.
"Yes, now get off me." Drystan leans down and places a kiss on my cheek and then my lips. I feel myself kiss him back immediately despite our little one probably reeling her arm back to chuck a block at us. She didn't like it when she wasn't involved with our affection. Delilah probably wasn't paying attention but I still didn't like us close like this with her in the room. He moans into our kiss as I try to pull away. "No." He whispers, capturing my lips once again. Drystan wraps his hand around the back of my neck pulling me closer to him.
'Clank'
Drystan groans into my lips before laying down on top of me. He pulls away and removes his hand from my neck and grasps his head. We both glance at Delilah, she knew good and well not to throw things.
"She said 'off'." She exclaims, arms crossed. I glance up at Drystan before laughing as best I could with the small amount of air in my crushed lungs. At least she knew about consent. "Yes, I did." I smile. ``Now beat him up!" Delilah comes charging our way as we brace for impact.
I snap back into reality as I feel Drystan's eyes on me. His eyes slowly trailing across my features, he knew something was up. I open my mouth but stop and shake my head, turning away from his worried gaze. I felt that speaking about this would only upset him more. Drystan was affected more by her death than I was.
She was my first and only child. I loved her so much but I wasn't in a clear state of mind when she died or afterwards. Drystan had to arrange her funeral, deal with the aftermath, and me. I lost myself when she died, I couldn't leave the house for months. I didn't wash, speak, feel, I was just there. I just needed to wallow in my guilt and pain in order to distract myself from the apologetic eyes that followed me every time I went out in public. I was angry with myself and Drystan as well. She was with him when she went missing. It wasn't right to blame him, but that was my only way of coping. I told him over and over again not to leave her unattended. Delilah was smart and knew not to go off with strangers but she was kind and wanted to help people. He swore that he was watching her but I wasn't so sure. There was no way she could have vanished within three seconds.
I watch the rain slide down the car window, Drystan's fingers coming in contact with my trembling ones. The warmth of his hand relaxes me a bit, I didn't know if he knew what I was thinking about but he knew it was about our past. I intertwine my fingers with his, a tear falling down my cheek.
"Mon cœur. " Drystan whispers. I couldn't look at him, I had spent so long trying to forget what we used to have, who we used to have. I just didn't want to relive it all over again. I hum in response, my voice scratchy from trying to constrict my sobs. "Baby, look at me." He squeezes my hand and tugs it slightly. I place my elbow on the car door and cover my face with my free hand. "No." Drystan unbuckles his seat and kisses my left temple, untangling his fingers from mine to pull me into his warm embrace. I didn't move, I couldn't move. "What's wrong, my love?" He asks softly.
"It's nothing." I whisper. Drystan's large frame engulfs mine while I sit quietly. I wanted his touch but I was upset by his lies and secrets. Now wasn't the time to argue over petty things but my mind was looking for anything to distract me from my thoughts of her. I didn't want to be left out again, I needed to know what he was keeping from me. Each angry thought I have is drowned out by images of my beautiful daughter running around the house, playing with her toys, and her wide smile. Thoughts of her run through my mind as I sit there.
"Do you remember when Delilah-" Drystan tenses up around me, his heartbeat thudding up against my shoulder. He wasn't ready to talk about her and I didn't want to push him. "Nevermind."
"No, finish the question." He quietly mumbles into my hair.
"Do you remember when Delilah helped decorate the cupcakes for your birthday?" I ask. My hand reaches up to grip onto his arms latched around my shoulders. A sad sigh is released out into the cold car's atmosphere.
"Yes." he states. " She wanted them to be purple because she knew it was my favorite color. But she put too much food coloring and it looked black. She cried because she wanted them to be light and medium purple." Delilah was about twenty-two months old at the time. I'd warned her previously that they would be darker than she wanted but she didn't listen and used half the bottle before I realized. Our birthdays were all in December. I was the third, she was the sixth, and he was the ninth. Delilah was unplanned. Drystan and I were always sexually active but the one week I didn't have birth control and I started ovulating, Drystan decided he wasn't going to wait. I cried when I found out I was pregnant. Being a mother was something I wanted, I just didn't want it then. But now I would give anything to have her back.
"Do you miss her?" It was a stupid question to ask, I don't even know why I asked it, I guess I just wanted to here him say it. Drystan buries his face in my curls before laying his cheek on my head.
"Always."
"And it ruined me when you left." He sighs. "You were the only one who understood what it felt like. I needed you then more than I ever had." I feel my chest fill with regret. I should have been there for him. We both needed each other when she was taken from us, I felt awful now that I realized I shut him out as well. When I fell into my deep depressive episode, I completely shut him out. No words were exchanged between us for the first week of her being gone. Drystam tried time and time again to speak to me, to make sure I was eating, bathing, and sometimes he just wanted to sit and watch. He would come into my room at night and sit in the corner, listening to my breathing and making sure I was alright. Looking back on it, I think he was afraid of losing me too. "I know." I loved him deeply back then but after she died I couldn't stand the sight of him, I couldn't stand the sight of anyone. It was hard to explain, or rationalize.
"Drystan, I-I'm sorry." I apologize, turning in my seat to wrap my arms around him. The Alpha pulls me in tighter, his warmth and love surrounding me. I felt safe with him, he was a man of action not just words. He always followed through with his promises. I know that it ruined him when he couldn't keep his biggest promise….to find Delilah alive. I know he tried his best, he didn't sleep for months even after her body was found and then stolen. My lips part to let out a sad sigh.
"I am too." Drystan whispers. I pull away from him to place a soft kiss on his left cheek and then another on his right before reaching up to pull his face down to mine. Drystan's tear-filled eyes gaze down at me, trying their best not to let any escape. "It's okay to cry, Drystan." I smile, rubbing my thumbs across his face. My hands reach behind his head and pull him down to rest on my chest, my fingers running through his hair gently. A deep sigh leaves him as he moves his arms down to my waist, pulling me closer to him. His muscular arms wrap tighter and tighter around my small frame."I'm really sorry." he apologizes. "I-I didn't mean to lose her- I swear I just turned around for a second I-"
I shush him abruptly. "Drystan, it's not your fault."
"But it is, I should've-"
" I know that you don't believe it, but there is nothing you could've done…..she was dead the second they decided to take her." It hurt me to say it but it was true.The people that took her planned for this the minute they found out I was pregnant. The police and our P.I's found documents, pictures, receipts, everything dating back to when we found out I was first pregnant. We didn't know why she was taken but they would have killed her anyway. The mortician didn't even have the chance to do an autopsy. These people didn't want others to know how she died and if I was being honest I didn't want to know either. They said that she was most likely poisoned and that she hadn't been harmed in any way from what they could tell. And that was all I wanted to know, she wasn't hurt, and she went out quickly.
"It doesn't matter.' he cries out, quietly. "My baby is still gone." His warm tears soak up in the fabric of my shirt. "Our daughter is still gone, Amelia." I hold him as he cries out into my chest, my own tears slipping out as well. "I know." I choke on my sobs as I speak. " But she-she's gone, and there's nothing we can do."
"I'm just tired of constantly remembering her and you and how we used to be." Drystan sits up and pulls away from me wiping his tears away with the back of his sleeves. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
My lip begins to wobble slightly, it was a childish trait I hated but I couldn't help it. I bite my lip and cover my face, I didn't want him to see me. I never understood how bad I'd truly hurt him. I needed some time away but I never came back for him. He had lost all of his family. A sob leaves me, as I realize how bad he was feeling, his family was gone, but his people still needed him, and he still had a responsibility to his people and business.
"I haven't slept one night through since you left." He whispers. " The constant nightmares that I have terrify me to even close my eyes." I wipe away my tears and glance back at him. His eyes connect with mine, his green eyes red and tear stained. " I am entirely dependent on your presence to sleep." Shock fills me. There was no way that he was able to function without sleep for that long. I shake my head in disbelief. "Look at me, Amara." I slowly look back over to him, once again. "I really do need you. Just please don't leave me again. I will get on my hands and knees and beg, but-" A single tear slips down his cheek. "Just please. Please, don't leave me."
I nod my head and turn to the window, the rain still pounding on it, but a little harder than before. I take in a deep shaky breath and run my tongue across my chapped lips.
"I won't." My soft voice speaks out. "I promise."