"Dimitri…" I say as we continue to lay side by side, after our intimate moment.
"Mmmhh?" He mumbles back, almost asleep.
"I-I think I'm falling in love with you," I say. My heart is beating out of my chest and I can't concentrate. What the hell did I just say? I'm not lying, but I wasn't supposed to just say it out loud, just like that.
"W-what?" He asks me, complete shock wavering through his voice.
"I'm falling in love with you, Dimitri," I state. I can't take it back now, so I might as well hope for the best.
"Ruby… I- I am not the man for you. You deserve someone who can make you happy, take you home to his parents and show you off, wake you up with breakfast on bed. I am not the person to do that for you. As much as I want to be, I cannot be that, alright," he says, laying me down gently.
"Dimitri I don't think you understand. These last couple of months have been amazing. I have been so happy; Happy with myself, my body, everything. And the person who is the cause of that, is you. You make me so damn happy… So yes, we can do this. I want this to work. If that is, of course, you feel the same way about me," I whisper gently, but loud enough for him to hear me.
Dimitri gets out of bed quickly, suddenly louring with rage, before shouting, "No! No! NO! You do not understand! Where I am from, we do not deal with emotions, alright. We get told from the very beginning, to find a girl with nice, wide hips, so they can carry our child. That is the only way the legacy will continue! The man will take care of the business and the woman will take care of the child. It is as simple and square as that. You do not get to have any kind of feelings towards her! But this… this way I am feeling now with you and before. I have never experienced anything like it! And I do not know how to deal with it! I am not used to dealing with this kind of stuff. I came here, to America when I was 10, but the traditions from Russia followed with me. And I know that it is wrong to feel like this. It is wrong to feel it where I am from. I-I just… can't. Please understand that."
Tears are silently rolling down my cheeks. I didn't even notice when I started crying, but I can't get myself to stop.
Dimitri scans my face, before slightly letting down his demeanor, making himself a little softer.
"I care for you, Ruby. You know that. I have spent all my time with you these past couples of months after we agreed on being friends. The surprising thing is, I actually enjoyed myself when I was with you. A feeling I have tried and tried to ignore, but it cannot seem to stop."
"Dimitri… I don't understand it, alright. I don't care that you don't think, that you're "not good enough" for me. I am so happy when I'm with you, and I would be absolutely honored to be with you. But I will also respect it if you don't want to be with me. I can't push you into something you won't or can't do," I tell him, meaning every single word.
Dimitri remains silent, so I find my clothes and pull it on quietly.
"I'm just gonna sleep on your couch tonight if that's alright?" I ask him. I don't want to be around him after that letdown, but I definitely don't want to be all alone in my dorm. Especially if my mom knows where I am.
"Yes, that is fine," he says and gets up to put on some clothes himself.
I walk out of his room and get myself comfortable on the couch. It's only 10 PM, but I am freaking' tired. It doesn't take me long before I am fast asleep.
*****
I wake up, by the sun shining through the window. Ugh, why didn't I close the blind before I went to sleep? I check the clock, only to find it at 7 AM. I am definitely not a morning person, but I know I can't go back to sleep now. And definitely not, when I know Dimitri's sleeping just a few feet away from me. Things didn't turn out as I had hoped - not that I had hoped anything though. I knew Dimitri and I wouldn't work out, but I could feel myself letting my guard down with him anyways. It honestly annoys me and I don't even know where we're standing right now. Are we still friends?
I force my body to sit up and look around. There's still nothing on his walls. My thoughts slowly drift back to yesterday. The way he handled me when I was hysterically crying - I honestly don't know how he did it. I was a complete wreck, and how I just rambled my whole life story out, jeez. The things that occurred afterward though. I can feel my cheeks getting red, just by thinking of it. It clearly wasn't his first rodeo, but who am I to complain. I just hope, I did it alright. It was my first time doing that after all.
I sigh out loud because I know, that I need to go home. Like home-home. I need to talk to Dad about everything. I can't just ignore him, although that's all I want to do. And I could really need some time away from Dimitri to think about everything.
I get up from the couch and pick up my things. I didn't bring anything yesterday, so I walk into the kitchen to find a post-it and a pen.
I consider what to write and end up with, 'I just need some time. Thanks for letting me stay :)'
It's sweet and simple, and it doesn't have to be anything more.
I walk out of the front door and make my way back to campus. When I get back to my dorm, Emily is dead-asleep in her bed. I smile to myself before packing a bag with clothes and toiletries. I wonder when she got home yesterday. I decide to write a sweet note to Emily, and let her know, that I'll be going home for the next few days.
*******
I landed in my home town about 30 minutes ago. When I got back to my dorm from Dimitri's place, I booked a plane ticket. Now, I'm just sitting at some restaurant, eating, and mentally preparing myself to see Dad. As much as I am mad at him, I still miss him. I really hope that he has a good reason, as to why he told my mother about my whereabouts. He is gonna be here in about 10 minutes. He was surprised, but happy when I told him I landed in Lorella. I didn't say anything about mom coming to see me, but he's gonna know, as soon as he sees me. I can't lie to him at all, he knows me too well.