"Sister, I have a few questions."
"And what would that be, Kaminari-san?"
My name is Kaminari Tatsu… Well, I am more easily known by my former moniker of "Fox of Naka harbor" but I already kept my former habits and deeds six feet under.
I used to trick and manipulate people to get what I want out of them only to waste it on women and alcohol… I really am the worst of the worst before I was caught by Iwasawa-sama and almost died if not for his mercy and consideration of my talents.
"I… I guess you already know about the real reason why I turned to Christianity in the first place. I… I used to be the definition of a promiscuous man and… there are still times when I am tempted to go back to my old ways."
"I see, I see."
"So… I want to know if you can give me any advice about keeping my perverted temptations under control…"
But after serving under him, which was initially just out of fear for my life, I met the first woman that I looked at with love and not with lust and soon, I wanted to change myself for the better in order to show her that I am worthy of being with her.
Her name is Asada Kahono, the head maidservant of Naka castle. Although she looks like a 14-year-old short stack, she's already about or over 30. I remember walking with her by the business quarter and the other people that passed by us said "You have a really cute daughter!" or "Is she your sister? It's rare to see brothers treating their sister out these times."
Regrettably, we are forced to accept the innocently mistaken compliments. Kahono said that a youthful stature and appearance runs in her family and during the critical years when she's supposed to hit her growth spurt, Kiko was facing a famine and thus, rendered her body's development to a quite underdeveloped appearance.
I'm not a doctor so I can't really dispute this claim, but when Iwasawa-sama heard about this, even he looked visibly confused and I am talking about someone who is a doctor by career.
But whatever it is, I fell in love with her and even if people would raise their eyebrows about our true relationship, I wouldn't back down and I will fight tooth and nail for it.
And because of that, I went to visit the local Christian chapel that I am religiously affiliated, to ask for advice about my side's problem with my personality.
"I get why you would ask someone like me. Hmu! I'll try my best to help out. Let's see… I guess it is best to start out from the root of the problem first."
Sister Camilla asked me something after her short monologue.
"How and when did your… addiction, sorry for the word, begin, Tatsu-kun?"
"Umm… My parents came from Kiko and during the famine, they went to Kise to escape the starvation. After father passed away when I was 15 and mother went back to Hikigaya domain to ask my aunt if we can stay there, I was left in our home at Kingo where I befriended a few people with refutable backgrounds."
"Hm, hm… Continue."
"I learned most of my tricks from them and would frequently come with them to courtesan houses for alcohol and women… I think that's the reason why I thought twice about going back to Kiko when my mother wrote to me that we have a home here now. I stalled for as much as I can until she herself came to Kise and I had to meet her halfway the trip so I can hide my actions from her."
"I see."
"Once I got to Kiko's Hikigaya domain, I immediately noticed that I can't do the things I used to do anymore. Do you know about that one law in Hikigaya domain that makes it different from the other domains?"
"I… I don't think so."
"In Hikigaya-sama's land, minor person-to-person feuds can legally be solved by the two parties by combat. They'll meet up in a fixed time in a certain place where people can oversee their duel and act as witnesses for whatever would happen in the battle."
The nun looked a bit concerned which made me think that she caught what I was trying to say.
"When my frustrations built up really hard one time, I tried to night crawl into the room of a female neighbor and instead of agreeing or denying my request, she shrieked at the top of her voice and moments later, a man burst into the room with a sword in hand and after recognizing my face, he challenged me to a duel."
"Wait… is that woman…"
"Y-yes… It was the woman that Chief Hikigaya Gunzou is courting. His fiancée that he was about to marry no less."
Please… Please don't make me narrate that thing anymore. I didn't know about it and I almost lost my life after that.
"What happened then?"
"I ran away from Aketsu village, the capital of Hikigaya domain and settled at Naka harbor where I used my tricks to earn a living and feed my bad habits. It was cut short after the coup to raise Iwasawa-sama to power and after the bandit attack at Aoya village's pleasure quarter, the courtesan houses at Naka closed down as well or joined the underground black market."
"Do you still know about that black market courtesans, Tatsu-kun?"
For some reason, Sister asked that while holding a teaspoon with its butt end pointed at the table.
"I think most of them visit their clients through house visits nowadays. If you want to hire one, you have to know someone who has a connection with the black market then send a list of your preferences. After a few days, the courtesan they chose to send will visit at night and… well, you already know the rest."
"I see. Thank you, Tatsu-kun."
I don't know why, but she was repeatedly tapping the end of the spoon at the table while I was speaking.
"Back to your request for advice, I'm going to be frank. I can see why you are having a bad time now after drowning in that addiction for so long… So, let me put it this way. Whenever you do your business with those paid women, what do you feel?"
"I… I feel pleasured, I guess."
"Anything else?"
"Not really. If they do good, I'll be happy for that. If they are not used to it or are already exhausted for some reason, I can't deny that I would be a bit disappointed."
"Then let me ask this. When you're with Asada-san, what do you feel?"
"I am happy. Not just happy, I feel so elated when I am with her. When I am walking beside her, I always try to match her pace, so I won't leave her behind and upset her. When we hold hands, I can feel her trying to stretch her hands to properly hold mine which makes me giggle whenever it slips from my fingers."
"…"
"I love it when she gets mistaken for my sister and she would cling to me later to try and kiss me on the cheeks. I can sense her wanting to remind me that we are lovers and I shouldn't just nod along to hide the truth… I love it when I tease her for her youthfulness and she becomes upset and fussy before I apologize to her and she asks me if I would ever leave her… There's really only one answer which is No."
With a smile, Sister Camilla spoke.
"Then you already have your answer."
"Huh?"
Without me noticing, I blurted out all kinds of things and ended up getting the answer that I always expected but never knew was just that simple.
"If you already fell in love with Asada-san, you won't mistake lust with love anymore. Many people think that lust is a part of loving someone, but as a nun who heard all kinds of confessions from other people, I don't think of it like that."
"Why?"
"When you lust for someone, it is a simple desire that can be appeased. It is nothing more but a temporary feeling of wanting to own the other person for a moment. But love… when you love someone, you just don't want to be with them, you also want them to be with you."
Sister Camilla continued to explain her reasoning.
"To lust for someone is to appease a desire and never seek any responsibility for it afterwards. Iwasawa-sama told me that from where he came from, untold millions of people died because of this mistake. He said that it was the reason why he admired the people of Kiko who has a strong filial bond and morals."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. After all, love is the reason why this wonderful land persevered through many challenges before Iwasawa-sama's reign. When I visited Aoya and Kagetsuchi village for an evangelical mass, I learned about the history of Kiko and how even through plague, pestilence, famine and war, the families of Kiko remained stable and relied of one another to get through any problem they faced. That kind of love… the ability to never let go of each other and selflessly stay through sickness and health… I believe that is what love truly is."
Love…
Why am I so stupid?
"I seriously want to hit my head on a wall right now."
"I can see the reason why."
Sister replied with a giggle.
"I love Kahono… I don't need any kind of rhetoric or logic to explain that. I just love, cherish and want to be with her. The things that I feel when I am tempted to go back to my old habits and the things that I feel when I am thinking or with her are worlds apart."
The feeling of temptation… compared to the feeling of cherishing my time with her… It isn't even a competition.
"Did you find your answer now, Tatsu-kun?"
"Yeah. I do."
I stood up to leave the kitchen of the chapel when Sister Camilla said something that I didn't fully understand.
"Don't worry too much about being tempted, Tatsu-kun. Everything has its end and I believe it will come when it is needed to be."
"I… I understand. Thank you for the help, Sister."
Later that afternoon, I went to Naka castle to pass my report about the fraudsters and scammers that the Land Guard raid I sanctioned caught last night.
"Good work, Officer Kaminari. I expect more from you next time."
"Yes, mam! I'll be doing my best!"
From behind her bamboo blinds, the mysterious Auditor of Naka castle spoke before returning to her work of writing letters to businessmen who hasn't paid their taxes yet.
After going out of the Auditor's office, I saw someone struggling to carry a stack of folded curtains in the hallway. From her height, I immediately knew who it was.
"Kahono, do you need some help?"
"T-Tatsu? N-no… I can do this… by myself! Ahh!"
"O-oi, Kahono, are you alright?"
She tripped with her own feet and ended up falling butt-first to the floor.
"Owwieee…"
"Haah… Come on, let me take this."
I spoke and took the curtains and helping her get up.
"Mm…"
"Hey, don't be grumpy. I'm helping you out, you know."
"This is supposed to be my work. You're treating me like a kid again."
"I don't. I just want to help."
As we entered the elevator at the center of the castle, she pressed the button to the ground floor.
"Hey, Kahono."
"What?"
"I… I have a question for you."
"What is it about?"
"…Don't you have doubts about why I confessed my love to you?"
My question was followed by an awkward pause.
"Umm… Kahono?"
"I sure had doubts about it at first. I am a grown woman even though my body doesn't look like it and you're a well-known womanizer who is even banned from entering certain parts of the province…"
"Ah… Ehehehe…"
I can only chuckle awkwardly after her reply.
"But when I gave it some thoughts… I decided to let go of my doubts and have my first experience of love with you… I knew about your past vices and crimes… I know about how you are a serial liar and trickster whose words can't be trusted… But I still believed in what you are saying."
Each of her words about myself hit like arrows. It was painful to hear it from her, but I can't do anything… it was the truth after all.
"But I believe I didn't make a mistake with entrusting you with my heart."
"W-why?"
"I guess…"
As she began her reply, she held my hand and looked at me with a smile.
"…it's because you never lied about what you feel about me."
"…"
I love it. How she knew how to ease my worries and make me realize that I am worried about nothing.
"Kahono."
"Yeah?"
I guess love does take form in all kinds of weird ways. But in any form that it takes, there is always that one similarity…
*Chu!*
"-!!!"
There will always be the desire to care for someone more than yourself.
"Sorry, did I surprise you?"
"…"
After I kissed her soft and tender lips, Kahono looked away with a bashful expression on her blushing face.
"I am always worried if you are actually taking my feelings seriously. At times, I think that you are just treating my love as a kid's prank that will be gone after some time. And I am tempted to come back to my vices whenever I think of that…"
I spoke what I said earlier to Sister Camilla and knelt to her height with one knee down.
"Still… after so long, that feeling is not just the same but now much greater than it was at first… I love you Kahono, do you love me too?"
After listening to my question, Kahono looked at me and with a soft voice, replied.
"If you want your answer, take it from my lips."
"You…"
"Come on, don't make me wait for too long."
I got what she was asking for and immediately complied.
"Do you love me?"
I closed into her cute blushing face and planted my lips to hers as gently as I can.
"Of course, I do, you brat…"
She replied before taking the initiative herself and locking her lips to mine in her own pace.
*Ting!*
"…?"
Our lovely frolicking was cut short when the elevator bell rang and the door opened to show the stern-faced general, Shimura Nobisuke, standing there as we tried to hide what just happened.
"S-sir!"
I stood straight as a ruler when I saw his serious expression.
"T-Tatsu-kun! T-thank you for helping me with the curtains. I-I'll take them to the laundry yard now!"
"Y-yes! Here it is…"
With an awkward handover, I gave her the curtains and she exited the elevator before General Shimura walked in.
"…"
"…"
After pressing the button for the High Command offices floor, the general stood next to me while I tried to not make any pip.
The silence made me really nervous. The elevator suddenly felt so cold and dreary that I can't think straight anymore.
"I am supposed to scold you for appropriate behavior during work hours in a workplace, Kaminari-kun."
"Y-yes sir! I apologize with all my heart, sir!"
"That's not what I am trying to get from you…"
He replied with a soft tone before removing his military peaked hat to look at me properly.
"Asada-san is a rare kind of woman. When it comes to loyalty to Iwasawa-sama, she won't be beaten by just anyone."
"I… I see."
"And that's the reason why you should keep your intentions for her as spotless as possible… When you and her get into a more serious relationship, Iwasawa-sama would most definitely force her to get an early retirement so she can enjoy the rest of her life with you and your children."
Because of the mention of building a family and making children, my face blushed for a moment before I looked at him again.
"When that time comes, be the kind of man that is deserving of her so she will devote her life to supporting and loving you and your family. Don't lie to her, don't trick her, don't keep secrets from her… You know about your past mistakes, learn from them and never repeat those mistakes again."
"…Thank you, sir."
As the elevator bell rang, I thanked him with a smile, but his reply made me confused.
"No, Kaminari-kun…"
"Huh?"
"I should be the one who has to be thanking you."
Before I can snap out of my confusion and ask what he meant, he already stepped out and the door closed behind him.
What did he mean about being the one who has to thank me?
A day passed and I went to the castle stables where Kahono asked me to borrow a horse-drawn cart so we can restock the castle pantry.
"Good morning."
"Good morning too."
Both of us greeted each other with a gentle smile on our faces. I helped her climb up to the cart and I drove out of the castle and into the town.
"Did he ask you about what happened yesterday?"
"…Yes."
With an awkward tone, I replied to her question which made her blush again.
"What did he say? Did he scold you for pulling something like that off?"
"Partially, I guess. He told me to take our relationship more seriously and to not go back to who I was back then."
"I have to thank Shimura-san then… I guess fear do is the best way to convince someone."
"H-hey…"
"Hehe! Come here…"
With a soft giggle, she inched closer to my face and planted a kiss on my cheek which made me quite happy.
As we entered the town, we noticed that something was happening, but we didn't have the chance to stop by and ask what it was.
It was only when we were buying meat and fish at the market when we heard about it from the vendor.
"Someone went around the city last night. I heard the killer ended the life of a few people and dissected them inside-out."
"Eh? Did the killer get caught?"
"Nah. As far as I know, the Land Guards said that there were no leads or clues about the criminal. I was actually invited to the main office, you see. Given that I have some knowledge about stuff like this because I am a butcher, they said they'll be running some test."
"Aren't you worried about it?"
"Why would I? I'm just an honest meat seller. I killed nothing other than animals that people buy up for food. I'm gonna go in and out there with a clean conscience."
The event was just like that. A string of murders happened last night where the victims had their innards strewn outside of their body. The Land Guards can't find any clues, so the investigation is going in all kinds of directions right now.
While we are going back, I saw a familiar person near one of the crime scenes.
"Sister? Is that you?"
"Oh, Tatsu-kun and Asada-san. Good morning."
"Good morning too, Sister."
Our conversation went to the scene after our greetings.
"It's a horrible incident…"
"Yeah. We heard about the details from a butcher. He said that every meat seller is being invited to the Land Guard office so they can be tested… It is worrying."
Kahono and I spoke as Sister Camilla who has an open black parasol over her shoulder silently watched as the dead victim was taken from the scene. The stretcher that was used to transfer her was oozing with blood… it was truly a horrendous sight.
"Sister? You seem a bit silent."
"It's nothing, Tatsu-kun. I was just shocked to see this happening this close to the residential area."
"I see."
After her short reply, Sister Camilla turned around and spoke something in a strange language.
["Deus vult."]
"Sister? What does that mean?"
"Hm? Nothing, I just chanted a short prayer for the departed."
"I see…"
With nothing else to do there, Kahono and I went back to the castle where an unexpected crowd was gathering by the main courtyard.
"Those are… journalist and newspaper agents."
"Yeah. What are they doing here at this early in the day?"
While we were passing by, General Shimura appeared from the main building's doors and stood at a platform where he was pestered with questions from the crowd.
"What is the castle's opinion about this, General?"
"Please wait for Lord Iwasawa's official statement. It may come after a few hours."
"Will you be sending the Military Police to help the Land Guard detectives?"
"No. Unless requested upon by the Police Chief of Staff, we won't mobilize investigators from the army."
"Some people are saying that the victims are all affiliated with a black-market syndicate, is this possibly a lead, General?"
"I'm sorry but we can't confirm that unless it came from the Land Guards."
The questions were all over the place. So random that it was hard to understand all of them.
"Come on, Tatsu. We should leave this to General Shimura."
"Y-Yes…"
After we drove the cart to the kitchen building, I helped in the unloading of the supplies. It took a while even with the help of the servants and off-duty guards that volunteered.
"Tatsu, come here."
After it was finished, Kahono asked me to come near her as she sat at a bench beneath a cherry blossom tree.
"What is it?"
"Come on, let me give you a lap pillow."
"…Thanks."
I laid down on the bench and rested my head on her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair… It tickled a little.
"I'm not pressuring you or something but… what do you think about our current relationship?"
"I'm very happy about it. I don't think I deserve more."
"Hey, don't sell yourself short like that."
"Then can I ask to have this view for every day of my life starting from now on?"
I asked and poked the end of her nose.
"Mm! Idiot! Don't surprise me like that!"
"Oww! Okay, okay…"
I replied after she lightly slapped my forehead.
"…"
"Kahono."
I spoke while softly pinching her left cheek.
"Yeah?"
"Don't be shy to ask me if you want anything. I'll show you what I can do to prove my love."
And with a gentle smile, she replied.
"One day... I'll ask for all of that one day."
And for a moment, I cherished this small, sweet feeling of love with Kahono. Knowing not that the land we were living in is moving itself to a direction that no one knows about.
I was that ignorant of the things that happened because of me.