I was wondering around at natagpuan ko ang isang balcony. Kaya naisipan ko munang tumambay dito.
Buti pa ang buwan at ang araw kahit ilang taon silang magkahiwalay at naghahabulan may oras na nagkikita at nagsasama sila. Eclipse daw ang tawag doon.
Im not an astrology, Im not a fan of myths about the sun, the moon or the stars. But sometimes I wished I was the sun colliding with the moon once in 4 years creating a solar eclipse.
"You're alone?"
Something shivers down inside of me when I heard a voice. Lumingon ako kung saan ito nang galing at nakita ko siya. Anim na taon ko siyang di nakita. Mas gumwapo siya ngayon.
"Why are you here?" I asked holding my eagerness to hug him.
"Just business. You?" He came closer but I refuse to stay and stepped one foot backwards.
"Why do you care? You should stop talking to me." I declared.
He smirked.
Once in my life I dreamed to be a sun, making everyone happy, shining through everyone's life. But the sun who makes everyone happy, is always alone. But him, he made me feel like the moon. Who always has its stars to accompany the moon. He became my star. Until he never shown it to me.
"You left me." He said iniwas nya ang tingin sakin at tumingin sa buwan.
"You're the reason why, you cheated remember?" I mumbled.
"You never given me an explanation." He sighed.
"Cause you don't deserve one Vien." I looked into his eyes when he managed to look at me then walked out and left him.
I just felt that the plan of my revenge just got unlisted from my to do list. Di ko kayang makita o makausap man siya. Di ko pa rin kayang tignan ang taong minahal ko nang lubos. Dahil bawat pagtingin ko sakanya nasasaktan ako, nasasaktan pa din ako.
~flashback~
Today is our anniversary, grabe isang taon na kami.
"Ano yan?" Dad came in and saw what I am doing.
"I'm baking dad." I said.
I smiled thinking na magugustuhan to ni Vien. Favorite nya kasi ang chocolate cookies kaya naman hiningi ko pa ang recipe nang mama nya para lang iregalo ko sakanya.
"Honey, how did you learn that?" Mom entered too and Dad who is sitting in the counter looking at me kissed mom in her cheeks.
"I'm baking mom."
Mommy just pouted. "Our baby girl can bake now huh."
"Make sure worth it ang pagbibigyan mo nyan ha." Dad reminded.
"Oo naman, daddy Vien is worth it. Trust your baby girl." I proudly said.
"Yeah right. Let's go Honey."
Mom kissed me goodbye at umalis na sila. Business as usual. Pinagpatuloy ko ang pagbabake.
Let me inteoduce my boyfriend. Vien Velaste, he is 3 years older than me. But that doesn't matter to me. Pagkatapos ko mag bake ay nagbihis na ako.
Wearing my croptop and highwaisted shorts I gathered the cookies and called my brother.
"Shane tara na kasi! Hahatid mo lang naman ako kala Vien e!" Sigaw ko habang kumakatok sa kwarto nya.
"Just wait the fu—shit."
May narinig ako mga kalampag kaya naman inilapit ko ang tenga ko sa pintuan. Ilang segundong katahimikan at tsaka bumukas ang pinto. Tumingin lang ako sakanya.
"Are you having sex?" I casually asked.
"Mind your business sis. Tara na."
We went to Vien's house. Madalas na akong pumupunta dito. Kilala na din ako nang mga maid nila kaya naman pumasok na ko nang batiin ako ni Mildred.
"Nasa kwarto po siya Ma'am Shaznae may kasama po." At umalis na siya.
May kasama? Who? Sila Marxismo kaya?
To fill in my curiosity I went up.
The door was unlocked so I manage to open it. Pagkabukas ko nang pinto pinagsisihan ko na agad na pumunta pa ko. Napabitaw ako sa box na dala ko.
I smiled. "Great." I mumbled.
"Shaz!" I heard him.
But I didn't look back. A girl... a girl was sitting in his lap. His hands wrapped around her.
I now understand karma. Dahil daw sa pagmamaldita ko hindi daw ako magiging masaya sa buhay ko. Pero nakilala ko si Vien, at tama nga ako siya ang karma ko. Seeing that was like a picture stuck in my head. Muli kong naramdaman ang pagtulo nang luha ko.
"Shaz!!" I heard one last time and run outside their mansion.
I admit. Hindi talaga ako mabait na tao. I bully everyone I hate. I talk trash to people I hate. Pero isang beses lang ako naging masaya sa buhay ko tapos ganito pa.
We're not a perfect couple pero as long as we're happy we kept on going. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung bakit ganon pa?! He cheated. He cheated on me!
Karma Shaznae, this is you fcking Karma!
It was over, dahil pag uwi ko nag aaway din si Mom, Dad and Shane. Everything fell apart.
~End of Flashback~
I still remembered everything just like movie. Isang mapuot na pelikula. Alam kong hindi nya na ako susundan. Pero merong nagpapakatangang umaasa sa puso ko na sana hilahin niya ko pabalik at yakapin.
Bumalik ako sa table at tsaka lang nakahinga.
"Hi."
I looked at my back when Alfonso leaned on me. I smiled a bit, kanina pa siya nandito pero sa isang tao lang ako naka focus. More like distracted.
I told it to Juno and Devine that I saw him pero sabi nila it's a great opportunity. But i just can't.
"What do you want Alfonso?"
He sat down on the vacant chair beside me. He smiled like everything is normal in this event. Im seeing my father having his second marriage and the girl is just so not great. What is her reason to marry off a Gonzalves.
"I just want to let you know that your father has been requested for you and your to sing infront." He said.
Argh. One thing I sometimes hate in every gathering of a Gonzalves is that me and Shane always sings. Mom was very proud of us that we actually sing.
"Ayoko." Umirap lang ako sakanya.
I looked further away so maybe I can see him again. Hoping na baka, baka may pag asa talaga.
"Too late. Nagseset up na yung kapatid mo sa stage." Sabay nguso nya sa stage at umalis.
"Damn it." I sighed.
Wala na akong ibang kasama dahil nagsi-alisan sila ayun pala nasa tapat na nang stage at ako nalang ang hinihintay. Kaya naman pumunta na din ako sa harap.
"We're going to play Memories." Shane informed me.
"Nope, I want Clementine please." I said and stepped in the front of the mic.
Without any choice they started. I held on to the mic and shut my eyes. Everyone's attention is now on me.
"I'd like to tell you that my sky's not blue, it's violent rain
And in my world, the people on the street don't know my name
In my world, I'm seven feet tall
And the boys always call, and the girls do too
Because in my world, I'm constantly, constantly havin' a breakthrough." I smirked.
I opened my eyes see all those eyes who is looking at me.
"Or a breakdown, or a blackout
Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?"
I was searching for his eyes hoping it was looking at me too. Like he's here watching me sing these words.
"'Cause I don't need anyone
I don't need anyone
I just need everyone and then some
I don't need anyone, I don't need anyone
I just need everyone and then some."
And as I was losing hope searching for his eyes in the ocean of people I saw him on the farthest left corner leaning against the wall and looking, watching and hoping he is smiling at me.
"Wish I could see what it's like to be the blood in my veins
Do the insides of all of my fingers still look the same?
And can you feel it too, when I am touchin' you?
And when my hair stands on ends, it's saluting you
The blush in your cheeks says that you bleed like me
And the 808 beat sends your heart to your feet
Left my shoes in the street so you'd carry me
Through a breakdown
Through a breakdown or a blackout
Would you make out with me on the floor of the mezzanine?
'Cause I don't need anyone
I don't need anyone
I just need everyone and then some
I don't need anyone
I just need everyone and then some."
I stared, focused and blankly at his eyes. If only my eyes shines for him again..
"My face is full of spiderwebs, all tender yellow blue
And still with one eye open, well, all I see is you
I left my daydreams at the gate because I just can't take 'em too
Know my heart still has a suitcase, but I still can't take it through—"
Tuloy tuloy ang pagkanta ko nang may narinig kaming sigaw. Kaya pati ako ay napatigil nang marinig ko ang munting sigaw na iyon sa may entrance.
"WALANG HIYA KAYO! MGA KURAKOT! MAMAMATAY TAO! PINATAY NYO ANG ASAWA KO!WALA KAYO MGA PUSOOO!"
A lady shouting her heart out, accompanied by some police officers. I then searched for my dad.
"Shane where's Dad?" Agad na tanong ko dito.
"I don't know. Tara hanapin natin siya."
Every one is just watching the lady breakdown. Bumaba na kami nang stage at nakita ko si Dad na malapit nang lapitan ang babae pero pinigilan siya nang pulis.
"IKAW! WALANG HIYA KA IKAW ANG DAHILAN KUNG BAKIT NAMATAY ANG ASAWA KO! IKAW ANG MAY GAWA NANG LAHAT NANG TO! WALA KANG PUSO HAYOP KA!"
Lalapit na sana ako kay Dad kaso bigla akong hinila ni Shane pabalik. Lumingon ako sakanya at nagtatanong kung bakit pero nakatingin lang siya sa pwesto ni dad. Nang ibalik ko ang tingin ko ay pati rin ako ay nagulat.
What the hell is happening?!
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