As I looked outside the car window, I can't help but feel nostalgic as we drove our way home.  All the memories that I left here came crashing back. I just smiled.

"Are you hungry Zai? How 'bout you Zav?" tanong ni Papa sa amin habang nagdadrive, nakatulog naman si mama sa may shot gun seat. Sa likod naman ay kami ng kuya ko.

"Hindi pa naman, Pa." "Hindi pa po." sabay naming sagot ng kapatid ko. Pagkatapos ng ilang oras na pagda-drive ay huminto na rin ang sasakyan sa tapat ng bahay namin. Bumaba kaming lahat sa kotse. Si Zav at Papa ang kumuha ng mga bagahe namin at dumeritso naman kami ni mama sa loob.

I was expecting to enter a house full of dust since ilang taon ding walang nanirahan dito but instead of a dusty place, it was clean. I looked at Mama to ask pero inunahan niya na ako..

"Nagpalinis ako sa katulong nila ni Jonabette since nasa kanila ang spare key natin cause I know that we won't have time to clean when we arrive." sabi ni mama habang tinutulongan niya si Papa at Zav sa pagpasok sa mga maleta.

Kinuha ko ang mga gamit ko para umakyat na papunta sa kwarto ko, I unpacked my things para ma iarrange.

Tinignan ko ang kabuoan ng kwarto ko. Feels like home. My room is not so small and too big either, sakto lang ito para sa akin. May walk in closet , sariling CR at may couch at television. I also have a window seat where I usually read or just look outside the window and think, I remember those days kung saan every saturday dito na ako nakakatulog kakatingin sa labas or should I say kakatingin sa kabilang bahay. I sighed and look at my room again and realized na wala itong kabuhay buhay. I really need to buy some room decors.

Nagbihis muna ako at bumaba para kumain ng haponan, nasa hagdanan palang ako pero rinig na rinig ko na ang boses ng best friend ko.

Shania Fajardo.

Gosh! I missed her. But even though we're far  from each other, we two still communicate. Mapatext man or Skype.

"--- kaya tumakbo po ako ng tumakbo, pero sa kasamaang palad nadapa ako kaya boom! kinagat. Ang sakit nga -- Zaiyana Lilith Alcorte!" sigaw ni Shan sa pangalan ko pagpasok ko sa dining area. Kahit kailan madaldal parin. Lumapit siya sa akin nang paika-ika ang lakad.

"Anong nangyari diyan?"natatawa kong tanong habang nakaturo sa kanyang paa na may benda.

"Kinagat ng aso." simpleng sagot niya na parang sanay na. Sanay naman talaga. Bata palang kami palagi na siyang kinakagat ng aso.

"Seryoso? Kay laki laki mo na kinakagat ka parin ng aso." natatawa kong sabi sa kanya.

"Mamaya na kayo magkwentuhan, kumain muna tayo." rinig kong sabi ni mama.

Nasa mahabang lamesa sina Mama, Papa, Tita Jonabette na ina ni Shania. Bestfriend si Tita at si Mama nung bata palang sila hanggang sa nagkapamilya. Kaya naging kaibigan ko si Shania. Hindi pa kami pumapasok sa eskwela ay kaibigan ko na siya. Sabay din kaming nag kinder hanggang sa nag highschool nagkalayo lang kami nung pumunta ako sa Maynila para magcollege.

I kissed mama's cheeks at kay papa din, nagmano muna ako kay Tita bago umupo.

"San si Tito , 'ta?" tanong ko kay Tita Jon.

"Kaninang umaga lang umalis papuntang city hija , for business." sagot ni Tita.

I just nodded.  We started eating dinner while my parents and Shan's mom was talking about business. . My mom has a floral shop and my dad owns a delivery service company. So basically, mom's flowers is delivered by my dad's delivery service.

Natapos ang dinner at nagpaalam si Shania sa ina niya na mag sleepover sa amin since ngayon lang kami nagkasama ulit, pinayagan din naman ang bruha. Hindi naman ito bago, minsan nga dun ako sa kanila natutulog.

"Bakit ba kasi hinabol ka ni Tata?" tanong ko kay Shania habang nakaupo ako sa kama at siya naman ay nandun sa may bintana. Si Tata ay aso ng kanyang childhood crush.

"Ano kaba, hindi si Tata. Friends na kami." sabi niya.

"My Gosh! Shania , seryoso?! Akala ko forever enemies na kayo." natatawa  kong sabi sa kanya. "Pero kaninong aso ba?"

"Yung may aso sa kanto. Yung pagala-gala lang."  sagot niya sa tanong ko, kaya humahalakhak ako.

"Ah oo nga pala, Lili. Three days before you arrived ay bumalik din sila Adriel dito, galing daw States? " kalma niyang sabi. I stopped laughing when she mentioned his name. Fuck. Seriously? The last thing I would do right now is to bring him up, at sinabi niya lang yun basta basta? As much as possible I don't want to hear or mention his name. Okay, I admit it. I wasn't strong enough, but I did for the both of us. Nasaktan ko siya. Pero nasaktan din naman ako ah. I drowned to be exact.

"Tangina mo, Shan!" singhal ko sa kanya pero tumawa lang siya. Since I don't wanna think about him, I decided to watch a movie. Nasa couch na ako habang si Shania ay nasa kama na. 

While watching the movie I can't help but to think kung bakit siya pumunta ng States. States? Akala ko hindi siya umalis ng Cebu. Ano ang ginawa nila sa States? Bakit pumunta sila doon? Did he left Cebu after I left? Is he okay? Why am I even thinking about all of this? I'm not his girlfriend. Wait. Scratch that, I was never his girlfriend.

Three days had passed pero hindi parin ako gumagala, lumalabas lang ako pag pupunta ako kila Shania na nasa kanan lang ng aming bahay. I can't help but to overly think of scenarios of what will happen if we see each other again. What if this? What if that? Argh! My mind is full of what if's.

Kaya today, I decided to go out. I also need to buy some essentials and maybe some decors for my room.

I just worse a simple white v-neck shirt imprinted with  small words, "okay?". Partnered with fitted jeans and white sneakers. I also brought my biege sling bag where I can put my wallet and phone. I tied my black wavy hair into a ponytail. Kinuha ko ang car keys ko sa bedside table at lumabas na ng kwarto. 

Pagkababa ko sa hagdanan naabutan ko si kuya sa may couch, playing ml.

"San punta mo bunso?" tanong niya habang patuloy sa paglalaro.

"I'll go to the mall Kuya. I need to buy stuffs, sabay gala na rin. Nagtext na ako kay mama at papa." sabi ko sakanya. I was about to open the front door nang biglang nagsalita nanaman si Kuya. "Sasamahan na kita" sabi niya. I turned around and looked at him. He was already standing beside me and I could see worry in his eyes, which I don't understand for what. Ba't siya nagaalala? Is it because I would be going alone. Wait, hindi naman ganon ka strict si Kuya paglumalabas ako.

"No need Kuya Zav, magpapasama naman ako kay Shan." sabi ko at halata sa mukha niya na nagdadalawang isip siyang payagan ako. For what? Why is he worried?

"Oh, okay. Sige ingat ka bunso. Just- just please call me if there's something wrong okay?" He kissed my forehead and walked back to the couch. Something wrong? Ang weird ni Kuya.

Mag-isa ako ngayon sa kotse dahil pinuntahan ko si Shania sa bahay nila pero wala ang bruha. I also tried to call her but she can't be reached. San kaya yun nagpunta?

I think it took an hour bago ako makarating dito sa mall  dahil sa traffic. I parked my car, took my sling bag from the shotgun seat and went out of the car.

I first went to starbucks and ordered a drink. While waiting for my order nagscroll muna ako sa Instagram. After minutes of scrolling, dumating din ang inorder ko.  I stayed in my seat watching people come and go while drinking my frap. I was about to stand up para sana lumabas ng starbucks nang nakita kong may papasok na pamilyar na mukha. My whole body stiffened at the sight of him.

Turbulent waves of the past came crashing back and it pulled me back into the deep abyss of pain.

He's wearing a white long sleeve polo, sleeves rolled up to his elbow and three buttons open. It was tucked inside his black slacks and he partnered it with silver watch and black shoes.

Adriel Navasqeuz.

Looking at him I already lost half of my sanity and when I looked at the little girl beside him, I lost it all.

They have the same eyes and lips. I looked at him while he's holding the little girl beside him and I can see that he's happy. They took their seat near the exit which is far from me but still enough for me to see the two of them.   I tried gathering my sanity back. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. Hindi ko namalayan na umiiyak na pala ako. Is this the reason why Kuya is worried? Do they still communicate? They were friends or maybe they still are. Did he know na nasa mall si Adi?

Tumayo ako para lumabas na ng starbucks. I took my sling bag and drink. I lowered down my head in hopes that he won't see me. I can't cover my face since naka ponytail ako. Trembling, I still gathered the courage to go for the exit. As I walked nearer my heart also beat louder. So loud that I think the people around me could hear it.

I was about to walk past them when the little girl spoke and it made me lose my sanity once again.

"Dada, I want some cake pops." I stopped walking. Dada? so that means? ..... I stood there dumbfounded. I badly want to get out of here but I can't move my legs. The courage that I gathered earlier was caught in the waves. Hindi ko inexpect na ganito ang unang pagkikita namin ulit.

I look at the little girl and I can tell that she's a Navasqeuz. I turned my gaze to him and he was already staring. I saw shock written in his face but it vanished quickly. His face became  impassive and it pierced right through me, and made me tremble. My insides are in a crazy hurl because of his stare. I turned my gaze to the door and just when I decided to take a step, a woman came in view.  Walking right to our direction.

She's beautiful and sophisticated. She's wearing a plain white blouse, nude blazer on her shoulder, and nude slacks, partnered with white handbag and white stilletos.

The little girl ran and hugged the woman who just came in. "Mommy!" sabi ng bata sa mommy niya. "Baby Rei. " sabi ng babae sabay yakap sa bata. Rei hugged her mommy back and kissed her on the cheek.

I held back my tears so it won't fall. It hurts. A lot. I looked at him again to see where he's looking pero nakatingin parin siya sa akin. He turned his attention  to the two girls when Rei called him. "Dada, Mommy's here."

And just that, I snapped. I walked out of the shop as fast as I could, tears already streaming down my face as the past came crashing back to me.Sanity lost. Heart broken. And pain surfacing up again.

He was never mine, I was never his. But losing him broke me into pieces.

_____________

s.