Ren arrived at the last training meeting before their 'mission'. The girls had just finished their academy year earlier today and he came bearing gifts!
Seeing Hinata and Ino sitting in the grass in the middle of the clearing they usually used for training, he approached them.
"Hello!" Ren appeared in shunshin near the girls, giving them a small jumpscare, "Here, have these!" He abruptly but gleefully dropped identical books to the lap of each girl.
Two very big and thick books.
"What's this?" Ino asked, picking up the book as if it was trash and looking at it in disgust. She was never a fan of reading, despite her ability to just leaf through a book and then learn the knowledge in her mindscape, taking almost no time at all in the real world.
She still avoided books like a plague, making all true blondes of Narutoverse immensely proud. If Naruto knew of her dedication to the way of the blonde, he would probably give her a year-long ticket for exclusion from his pranks.
"Konoha's ninja regulations and command structure?" Hinata read the book's name, frowning in incomprehension. What did that have to do with them right now? They were still academy students. They still had a year before this became relevant to them.
"Yes! Exactly!" Ren wasn't deterred by the sour expressions of his adorably clueless pupils. He naturally threw it at them as a form of revenge.
Of course, he couldn't tell them that. Instead, he cheerfully spoke the biggest bullshit he uttered all month with practiced ease, "Since we are going on a mission, I decided it would be great if you learned a bit more about pfff," He really couldn't help the snicker, "the legality, heh, of it."
He almost burst into laughter. Both due to the flabbergasted gazes from Ino and Hinata and because just saying the word 'legality' when mentioning ninja missions was hilarious irony.
"We learned ninja rules in the academy already." Ino huffily retorted and threw the book away from her, only for Ren's grin to widen.
It wouldn't be much of a revenge if his cute minions could just discard the book at their leisure, now, would it?
A seal planted on the book flared when it got three feet away from Ino and suddenly, the blonde was smacked in the face with the heavy and thick book, causing her to topple over onto the grass while Ren snickered under his nose.
Even Hinata's lips twitched into a small smile while Ino stared at the blue sky in shock, a red imprint of the book's outline coloring her face as said book lay in the grass next to her face.
Oh, Ren was sure that Ino would try again. He could see it in her beautiful blue eyes that suddenly gained a spark of veiled defiance. She was going to take this as a challenge.
But unfortunately for her, she had far too many of his seals inscribed on her body. So, the book will be teleporting back. Straight into her face.
Until Ren deemed that she learned the contents.
"Nah. You learned trash in the academy." Ren snorted.
The ninja rules they recited in the academy for their exams? Nobody cared about those. They were like learning about old stories in a literature class in Ren's previous life. Nice to know for a reference but mostly useless in real life.
This, though?" He gestured at the book, "These are legally binding rules describing how our 'grand'," He added a bit of sarcasm, "military village actually works from a legal perspective. Things you need to know if you want to take advantage of the system."
He was always going to throw this book at the girls. The only difference was that they pissed him off a bit so they had it thrown at them way sooner than he initially intended.
"And trust me, the system will take advantage of you if you don't know the rules." He slightly leaned forward and cautioned them in a serious tone. "Be better. Learn to exploit."
There was a very important lesson in there. Somewhere.
"Have you learned this too?" Ino unhappily asked.
But of course, the lesson went right over her head. Not because she was stupid. But because she was now provoked and distracted enough to not think about the deeper meaning of the situation she was in.
Yeah, this was Ren's revenge. But the book was important for their career. Yet, Ino didn't even consider it. Sigh, he was going to have to be a bit mean, then.
"Are you crazy? Of course, not!" Ren exclaimed, widening his eyes in disbelief at the blonde girl. "Who in their right mind would do that? Do you see how thick that book is?" He wildly gestured at the book.
Hearing him, Ino gave him her meanest scowl as she crossed her arms on her chest, "And we have to learn it because..." She trailed off.
"Because I told you to, duh." Ren gave her the widest grin he managed.
"Fuck you." Ino exclaimed in utter disbelief.
But Ren only rolled his eyes at her, "You wish."
"You are just mad we pointed out that polygamy is legal, aren't you?" Ino heatedly argued, throwing the book away again, this time at Ren who just caught it, and gave Ino a smirk before throwing it behind himself.
Then he just enjoyed the loud smack that resounded through the clearing as the book teleported and collided with Ino's face again.
"I don't know what you are talking about." Ren politely responded but there was a small vindictive edge in his tone.
How was he supposed to remember that? Sure, he probably did read it somewhere in the past but most notable ninjas were either too fucked up in the head for relationships or had one wife because the morons loved to live on the edge so of course they went for a dangerous kunoichi who didn't want to share.
Honestly, it would make his life simpler if Ino and Hinata were that way too.
Alas, no such luck.
Why was he even complaining again? He had two gorgeous girls throwing themselves at him. Two girls who wanted to get into his bed and the only reason he refused them was that according to the ninja standards they were still minors despite being adults by the civilian rules.
The next year was going to be pure horny torture for him, wasn't it? Ren inwardly sighed, not looking forward to it at all.
"Learning this will be very useful to us." Hinata suddenly interjected and nodded with gratitude at Ren, making him fondly smile at her. At least one of his students appreciated the effort he put into tortu-, ahem, preparing them for their ninja career.
"Will we get a reward for doing it?" Hinata asked, getting a particular gleam in her eyes.
Or not. She didn't appreciate his effort. She just wanted a reward. Go figure.
Ren sighed in exasperation. His students started to stop being cute. He wondered where they learned to be like this. Somebody was corrupting them. Must be the academy.
"... You know what? Okay. Yes. You can have a reward for it. Within reason." Ren rolled his eyes at her, getting a happy smile in return.
Well, he'd say it was worth it.
"Okay." Hinata demurely agreed with another satisfied nod.
And Ren turned toward his discontent blonde disciple, "See, Ino?" He gave her a meaningful look, "That's how you react to an unexpected and unpleasant situation and manage to wheedle something you want out of it."
Ino nodded with a fake cheer before asking, "Can oral sex be a reward?"
This girl was not listening to him, was she? That or she was deliberately screwing with him.
Well, she was a Yamanaka so it could be either or.
"No." Ren deadpanned at her.
"But-"
"And that's how you can lose the reward privileges." He dryly added, only for Ino to click her tongue and grumpily aver her gaze with a huff as she crossed her arms under her chest again.
Ren couldn't help but smile at her. He knew she was trying to manipulate him. But honestly, her attempts were almost cute.
Shaking his head, he decided to give her a bit of carrot with that stick, "I'll still kiss you senseless once you learn it." Ren told her. "Because honestly, I am looking forward to it as much as you. So, don't let me down, girl, m'kay?"
Ino blinked... then she flushed deep red and firmly nodded with a wide smile plastered on her face. But she didn't turn her head and look at Ren. She was quite intent on looking away from him, much to his amusement.
Noticing Hinata's quiet Byakugan stare, Ren fluctuated his chakra in a certain pattern, sending a discrete message to the Hyuga girl... and there she went. Her face was just as flushed as Ino's.
Ren's smile turned wry. His message hadn't even been anything indecent. He had no idea why she reacted that way.
And by now, he was happy to just chalk it up to teenage hormones. Women were a mystery he didn't have the mental capacity to comprehend. But teenage girls? They were a mystery he didn't have any desire to comprehend.
It would probably have some eldritch Cthulhu effect on his psyche if he managed it anyway.
So, as one genius penguin once said...
"Well, that's all for today's meeting. Don't train today. Rest up because tomorrow morning we are leaving the village for a mission." He said.
And waved at the girls.
Then he smiled at them.
Before disappearing without even giving them a chance to reply. The ancient penguin knowledge clearly worked. He heard no retort or complaint.