Never in my life had I witness a man so manly yet so scared. We were going 50 miles per hour down an unmonitored neighborhood in the hills. Julian held unto his seatbelt so tight that it left a scrunch mark on it. I drove his car on the freeway and maintained the speed limit of 70 mph until we hit the road towards my favorite spot in town. We arrived at the beach just in time to watch the moon rise.
As the wind blew over his jacket, I caught whiffs of it. But it was unlike his usual cologne. It smelled of something else on top of his usual odor; kind of reminded me of the handkerchief in my purse.
I convinced myself that I was just imagining it. Julian's priceless expression almost made me forgive him for not telling me about his secret rendezvous with Stella. I felt so happy spending time with him that it made me sad thinking of when this was all over.
"Jesus! You are even worse than him," he unbuckled the safety belt and propped his shoes on the hood of the car.
"You own a beamer, Julian. I felt the need," I went out of the car and copied him.
"The need for what?" he carried the picnic equipment, still looking shaken.
"The need for speed," I laughed, "I can't believe you fell for it! The look on your face!"
"My hands are still shaking. Leave me alone," he sulked and walked on the sand, leaving me behind.
"Hey! It was pretty funny. Should've seen it coming," I followed his footprints.
He set a beach towel down and opened the wine bottle with his hands. I sat down next to him and enjoyed the calming view of the sea. He offered me the bottle of wine.
"Ladies first," he bowed.
"Straight from the bottle?" I raised an eyebrow.
"It's okay. I don't have cooties," he joked.
The wine was still mildly chilled from the fridge. We spent about an hour or so talking before we realized that we had emptied the bottle. We were both feeling buzzed and warm from the booze.
"It's getting warm, let's take a dip!" he pulled me to my feet.
"I'm wearing jeans," I tried to sit down again, but he pulled me back up.
"C'mon! Live a little! Here, I'll start," he started to take off his shirt and pants and tossed it on the blanket.
"I'm not stripping! You're drunk! C'mon put your clothes back on," I crossed my arms.
"Okay, suit yourself. I'm jumping in," he ran to the water and jumped in.
The moonlight outlines his tall figure and reflected the saltwater on his body.
"This feels so nice! Aren't you jealous?" he looked back at me with his body half submerged.
"A little bit," I couldn't help but walk closer.
"It feels so lonely here," he faked a pout.
"I have to tell you something," I said with a serious face.
"Oh, what is it?" his demeanor changed.
"I'm scared of swimming in the sea," I looked away in shame.
"This is your favorite place, and you're meaning to tell me you've never actually swam?!" he exclaimed.
"It's pretty from afar! I almost drown in the sea as a kid. I never really dared to try again."
"Okay, I'll make you an offer you can't resist," he said in a salesman voice.
"I'm listening," I smiled.
"If you decided to jump in, I swear on my life to never let go of your hand."
"Hmm…"
"Going once!"
"I don't know…"
"Going twice!"
"It is getting lonely up here…"
"Last chance here."
"Okay, fine!"
"Sold! To the lady in my favorite jacket!" he looked satisfied.
"I can't just swim in my jeans and shirt. I didn't bring any spare," I reminded.
"You can wear my jacket after, and I promise I won't peek if your pants off."
"So, you didn't look when I was changing my shirt in your car either?"
"And look at your black bra? Of course not!"
"They were white."
"See! Exactly my point!" he smiled, covered his eyes and turned away from me.
That was a pretty solid argument on his part, I must admit. I laid my jeans and his jacket next to his clothes and tiptoed into the water. The cold water sent a shiver down my spine, but it was calming at the same time.
I sat next to him and grabbed unto his arm for my life. Not knowing what laid beneath the surface and the terrorizing memory of my childhood caused my heart to pound uncontrollably. The fear must have been plastered on my face.
"Hey, don't look down," he held my chin up to meet his gaze, "just breathe and watch the moon with me."
I tried to calm down and searched the sky. Stars spilled over the dark sky like million of fireflies motionless in their own space. After a while, the temperature of the water and the view had overwhelmed me more than my initial fear.
"It does feel nice here, thanks."
"For what?"
"I don't know. Being nice, I guess. Why are you doing this? Is it just to fulfill your end of the bargain?" I asked.
"No, I genuinely enjoyed spending time with you," he squeezed my hand.
"There's something I wanted to tell you," I looked up at his face in the moonlit darkness.
"Me too. Let's get dried up first before one of us gets sick," he led me to the beach.
We got dry and I wore his jacket as the wind bombarded the shore relentlessly. After the time we had just spent together, I got to thinking about Rachel's theory again. It was true that I had never had a feeling for anyone before.
But it was because I never let myself go from the fear of rejection. The experience with Julian had reminded me what a nice feeling it was to be accepted. Rachel had her own life and soon Jake would too. I didn't get a lot of chances to make friends, or at least meaningful ones. So, I had decided to give this one a shot.