I could hear the songs we always sing. Hear it? The chameleon's 'Tears'. Maybe its not coincidence that you are here. Maybe this is our real chance to dance the night away. But then again you always leave. The way the moon does as it slowly rises up in the sky up above our head. Yet I see you wanting this. Feeling your warm breath with mine as we glide across the glistening field. Feel this heartbeat. Its beating so loud so you could hear me say your name. Adel. I am...Nat.
"You are here? How come you always showed up in the most unexpected of places? Are you...a ghost or something?" Adele seem mad seeing Nat in such cold breezy spot in _____________. Nat lit up a cigarette.
"It's cool here. The night is lovely. What can be so wrong with me being here? Besides, I have an unfinished talk with my friend here Taito."
Nat sat on the seat beside me. The night have shown all its star. How come it never did before? Like rain would again stole the moment of having it by themselves. While we sat on our own clutching the troubles we have wrestle for so long. "Adel please stop thinking like I am a Ghost or something? Yes! I am but a shadow of my former self. Coz, clearly, I am a changed man. " He adjusted his cuff. Nat wore a long trench coat. It's inspiring that he's living that 80s look to a T like some gorgeous boy in a magazine cover. Girl would have mistook him for the front guy from the band a-ha. Nat loves to mock. "Adele, sweetie...Give your ole boyfriend here some respect by following two things-one...stop giving me that attitude...two...past is past so let's have this train of progressive thoughts moving and bury all the shitty heartache you may have in those...sweet chest of yours." Nat burst out a good laugh. It was funny the way he says things. But adele wasn't hearing it.
"I have moved on. If that's what you mean Nat."
"Oh. That's impressive..."
Adele crossed her arms."How come you know where we are right now?".
"The city is small. The night is young and I am so inspired to see what's the view here in this great garden restaurant. By the way my friend Taito here told me all about this place and he asked me to come here just in case I have arrived from a recent trip from the US Of A. Uncle Sam has given me lots of stories to share when I went there for a couple of weeks. It's thrilling to say the least. This look."He turned around for a second. Showing his get up." See. Bought this in New York. Great stuff. Went to see a couple of bands. Taito here love Gene Fucking Jezebel. Bought two of their vinyl albums and it was so good so I went to see one of their band rehearsals. So cool. Their shrieks. Ugh. Orgasm."
"Oh I envy you Nat."
"Man, that few weeks of vacay really did some good with my spirit. Mom was right. That shitty feeling of youth we always feel. That jealousy. Extreme one at that. That hateful sense, the despise we felt when we hear our peers master the art of advise...which sometimes does mess up our head. You know what I was really about to throw up because we, the young beautiful ones...like Adel here...with her brunette hair...did you color it? Aw forget it...what I'm driving at is that... I am discovering myself more and more and began to notice.....and weigh myself...that we can just flick our finger. Just like that and...ignore it. Completely. Further, what surprises me more and make me forget all life heaviness.... is not to expect at all. Why not eh? "
"But can crazy people truly change?" Adel blurted. Nat looked in my direction.
"Hope you are not referring ... Of course not. Am I talking nonsensical? Taito?"
I am quick witted. "Whose making sense nowadays? Even Talking Heads Stop Making Sense and they have a hit song called Psycho Killer." Nat blurted a big laugh.
"Right, right. That's a good one buddy. Cmon Adel. There's only room for cheerfulness tonight...consider ourselves all grown up...so we can share some wonderful moment together. Oh I'm sure our parents need not worry about the way they raised us. Me. You. Adel here. They should fucking thank us because we are good kids! Jesus! Fuckin Christ! "
Adel lit up a cigarette. "Somehow this is the first time I have seen you loosen up Nat."
"Why all of a sudden you noticed me?" Nat replied.
Adel exhaled a couple of ring smoke. "Clearly, there's some semblance of sanity to what we are having right now. After this kiddie conversation we are having, I guess each one of us is ready for the real life out there."
"Taito here is a kid. I'm no longer a kid."
"Me neither." I answered.
"But what could be more shameful than pretending?" Adel said.
"But look out for Moms when we are thrown into chaos?" I replied.
"Exactly." Adel said.
Nat seemed fed up. "Okay I didn't mean to be cruel a month ago. "
Adel was amused by all this. " I'm giving a grown up man here the time to explain of course."
"You know that feeling right? When you feel like you are some place else. Maybe our conscious self can travel outside of this shit body. And see everything from atop. Like you see yourself walking. Going to your bed. And you see your Mom... Crying. Inside her bed. Mom walked up to me one morning and gave me this warm smile a mother can give to her son. "Mom, what's going on? I asked my Mom specifically. She seem extra caring. Extra caring is my word to explain the unusual-ness of the situation . Because all I could see of her was her cluttered work space in the house. And her constant busy schedule....and....when there's time to call her on the phone she would decline it unless its some sort of emergency. Often a stranger would reply that she's in the middle of a meeting. That sort of thing that somehow divides us. So when I felt her warm touch, I asked Mom what's going on. She said "We got a lot to talk about, son. Cmon rise up. Breakfast is ready." Soon after washing myself up she led me to the dining table where a hearty breakfasts was waiting for me. She doesn't cook. You know my Mom. She got priorities. But that morning she dismissed the housemaid for their weekend off and prepare everything by herself. "I mean....What's going on?" I asked my Mom. She was dismissive at first. "She said....Let's say that this is the start of something different."
"Isn't that a bit obvious that this is not your thing? I mean this cooking thing is way out of your league and..."
Her Mom cut him.
"Consider the change Nat...The only constant thing in the world is change."
"But why?"
"Nat...there's a reason for everything.... and.... I don't have to tell you everything in one go what has happened. Quite a journey really. Let's take the moment to enjoy this morning. In peace okay?"
There was a long pause. Nat was examining the situation like he was holding a magnifying glass. When he was a kid he likes looking at small things and making it look big. There's always some details he cannot see and only by looking at it close would he see the real picture.
"Mom I am not hating you. Its just that I am so used to waking up not seeing you or being with you. I am just being candid Mom. I would be happy if the housemaid is here instead of you. But definitely not you and this is like new territory for me..."
"I understand you have grown accustomed to my absence. I already realized that quite a long time ago. I quit my job already. Given them to someone younger and capable. I made a bold move to start looking things from a perspective. Start being a so called Mom again whatever that is. You haven't ask I am checking on you. Constantly. Sorry for doing that. I guess, I am just trying to understand you better."
"Right, I am sixteen mom. You dont need to check me on everything. I'm doing young man's stuff. You know....the hand thing..." Of course, she just laughed it off.
"Oh Nat stop being cynical... By the way....Your Dad and I gonna be meeting in Jonees on Thursday. To discuss some important matters."
"And Dad too? You are meeting..."
" Yes..."
"He left you remember? What's the drama all about? "
"Its easier if you just trust me..."
"Mom, i cant forgive him for leaving you okay?"
"Oh Nat, stop blaming your Dad. There's more to it than just us falling apart."
"Mom why are you defending him? I'm so fed of you enduring all this like it did not happen. And its making me crazy. I cant..."
"Thats why i am here Nat. Making all this moment work out for you and I. So you would understand. "
"Mom, this is fucking me up so bad. I can't accept it." Nat cried so hard. His mom hugged him.
"I know. But i am ready to tell you the truth about it all. Maybe you would understand it a little.
....I am dying Nat."
Nat felt the bomb ringing in his ear. It felt so loud and hurting it wasn't the word he is expecting." I have cancer and the doctor told me i have a few weeks to live." Nat was in shock that he barely can hold her mother tight. All of a sudden he began to pick up the pieces that seems off footing when he began to question his Mom or Dad years before. "And don't hate your Dad. I was the one who made him go away. It was a very long story but it dont matter now. All i asked is that you let go of those pain inside. That wont help me on my next journey Nat. Promise me?"
I was stunned to hear Nat's story. He was a picture of a broken young man clutching his shoulder sobbing. There was a long moment of pause. And I can see how heavy the night suddenly turned into.
Adel looked into the void. She found her own vulnerability. And hearing Nat open up his inner turmoil punched her inner soul. How can she be so hard on him when the real person underneath is just trying to veil it off with brash expressions? She should have known it before or at least ask in a friendly way. What ever happened in the past should be left in the past and we should be open to the promise of today and tomorrow. I, too, didn't expect to hear it all. I cant move. Its like the earth isn't moving and we are there transfixed for the longest moment we can possibly imagine. Then Nat seem to break it off with a bittersweet and painful smile. Still unable to look in our way.
"Can you be more considerate... to me?" It was an honest plea. You could hear the crack in Nat's voice. No one can deny how sweet that is to hear it from Nat himself. Adel slowly nod her head and embraced him.
"Forgive me, Nat."
The song continues....
....it is just a coincidence. That we talk that way....maybe its just a chance to dance the night away.
Waiting for the light to turn green
Carry me home
To the kindest eyes that I've ever seen
Carry me home
Well can you tell me how will it be now
How will it be?