As quickly as the kiss had begun, the kiss ended. When reality came crashing back. Dread filled me as the gravity of what I had done hit me. I pulled myself back and our eyes locked. Neither of us said a word as we stared at each other, breathing hard. An eternity stretched between us and with each passing second my own confusion grew. His brow furrowed as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. Almost thoughtlessly Michael reached up and brushed his fingertips over his lips. Lips that I had finally kissed. I couldn't tell what he was thinking but it wasn't what I expected. I expected disgust and anger, but whatever Michael was thinking it looked much softer. Before I could torture myself thinking about what to say or do Michael interrupted my panic.
"How long have you wanted to do that for?" he asked softly, looking back up to meet my gaze.
"I… well a while now," I said, I found myself unable to meet his stare so I studied my hands. Years helping my family with the small farm we kept in addition to my father's business as a merchant had left my hands with rough calluses, I rubbed at them trying desperately to figure out why he would ask that of all things.
"Why in the name of the gods wouldn't you say anything?" Michale snapped, taking me by surprise. Without waiting for a response he moved, swinging one leg over me to straddle my lap. "I've been wondering what this would be like for a while now," he finished before grabbing me roughly by the face and pulling it up to meet his lips.
Our lips moved together hungrily as I moved my hands to tangle them in his thick ruddy hair. We kissed until I thought my lungs would burst and I pulled away gasping. My hands traced their way down his waist and rested them on his hips.
"What are you thinking?" I asked him, trying desperately to maintain focus despite having this boy on top of me.
"I'm thinking that this could be fun" Michael whispered as he began to kiss my neck and work his way to his chest. My head was still swimming with questions, but the lower he went, the farther away my questions seemed to be. The sounds of animals running through the woods and rustling of leaves faded away as I entered a world that started and stopped with Michael and me.
The sun was getting low in the sky by the time Michael and I began to stir.
"We've been gone for too long, I need to go back home soon," I said, gently detangling my body from his and sat up.
"You're probably right, this was a bit longer than I expected," He said, a smirk taking over his sharp features. There was no missing the supposedly hidden meaning behind his words.
My face burned as I recalled everything we had just done and became suddenly aware of how exposed I was. Jumping up I snatched my trousers off of the rock where they had been tossed and pulled them on.
"Why haven't we been doing this the whole time?" he said laughing.
"Well I was afraid that you wouldn't feel the same" I replied.
"I don't see why I wouldn't. You know I've always been open to trying new things," he paused " after all it's a good way to relax some tension before we find women of our own"
"Oh, yeah until we find women" I echoed him, my stomach twisting as I realized the truth of what happened. This was just a fun experiment for him, nothing more. While he didn't reject my advances he also didn't accept my feelings towards him. I'm still just as alone in my unusual love as I was before. Disappointment settled in, but I forced myself to smile. Michael will always be special to me and if all I can get from him is friendship and experimentation, then I'll learn to accept that and move on.
After getting dressed Michael and I walked out of the woods and made our way across the field where my older gray mare had been tethered to a post. Placing my foot in the stirrup, I swung myself into the saddle and looked down at Michael, who had grown strangely quiet.
"Well I guess I will see you again soon?" I asked nervously, but he wasn't focussed on me. Michale's gaze had become fixated on something in the distance behind me. Turning in my saddle I saw a cloud of dust down the dry path I had taken here. Even from a distance I could recognize my family approaching me on horseback. As the riders drew closer I was able to count five riders, my father and brothers.
"What are they doing out here?" Michael asked?
Confusion filled me as I wondered what would have brought them all out this far. I couldn't help but worry that my mother or sisters could have been involved in some kind of accident. As much as I wanted to answer him, I was too deep in thought to be able to respond. In a matter of seconds, my family arrived where the two of us had frozen in place.
My father stared me down, a snarl of disgust stretching his dark features. His black, wiry beard and brows framed a fiery look of hatred that he turned towards the two of us. As a tall, burly man my father radiated an air of intimidation. An air that was not lost on me as he dismounted and strode directly towards me. A sinking feeling settled into my gut as I realized his anger was directed at me.
Wordlessly he reached up and tore me down from my horse, a painful snapping sensation in my leg alerted me that something was wrong, something that was made much worse as he stomped down on it and slapped me across the face.
"You disgust me" he said, in a cold, calm voice, that held no emotion. And somehow I just knew. They found out; what Michael and I did together at the pond. My father always had a short temper, but he rarely raised his hand to any of us. However, this no longer seemed to be the case as he reeled back to strike me again. My head snapped back, the force of which knocked me to the ground.
A metallic tang in my mouth told me that he drew blood with his strike. I could barely see straight as he swung his leg back again and again, each of his blows felt stronger than the last as I tried desperately to keep breathing.
However, he was an older man, and eventually, he slowed. His breathing became labored. With one final grunt, the old man brought down his boot on my cheek as it crushed beneath his weight. While he caught his breath I cast my gaze to the other riders.
My brother's all stood around me watching as my father destroyed me simply because I displeased him. I looked at each of them desperately, my eyes pleading for them to step in and save me from this misery. Relief washed through my body my eldest brother, Isaac, stepped forward.
Unfortunately, this brief moment of relief disintegrated the moment our eyes met. All signs of my loving older brother were gone. Instead, his eyes shone with contempt. One of the final things I can remember is my brother spitting on my face. My vision finally began to fade as my other brothers stepped forward to follow suit. My final thoughts were ones welcoming the cool of death.