Grace and I meet in the Bluebell café the next morning. We're buzzed. We have no idea what our film is going to be about, but it didn't matter because it was going to be better than what Billie and I filmed for the past week.
Our table is a mess of cardboard bits and magazine cutouts and a glue stick and glitter and tissue paper and it's amazing. I'm involved and I get to make a vision board that isn't a stolen idea and I get to hold the camera this time around.
We get tall chocolate milkshakes even though it's the middle of winter and sip them so fast that we develop brain freeze. And we allow ourselves to be dramatic about it because it hurts. But, it's also so fun being able to let go.
We make the corner on my street by noon, laughing about nothing the way I used to with Shay. Then I think about Shay, the late afternoon sun in my eyes, and Grace holding onto me in a manner that reminds me where I am.
I hold my iPhone up up up, shielding our faces from the sun, but the lighting is still wonderful and I think about what a great shot it is. And Grace insists that I film us is instant and I do. When we review the film in my room, we're golden like little goldfish on camera and we are wearing smiles bigger than the world. And we are so so beautiful.
My phone rings and for a bit, I think it may be Billie so I don't answer. But, the person calls again and when I look at the caller ID, it's a number I don't recognize. I'm holding my phone when the mystery person calls again.
"Hello?" I sound formal because I don't know what to expect and I'm still a little fearful that I'm speaking to Billie.
"Meet me at our tree?" Only, the person on the other side is Shay and he's formal, too. He doesn't know who to be and I don't understand why. "I mean, only if you want to."
I stare at Grace and she smiles at me from the other side of the room, fingers sparkling glitters, green eyes alight.
"Yeah," I say. I don't know why I do. "I'll be there."
"Okay," he says. He's breathless and hanging around on the other side just to hear my breath. It's weird but so adorable and it kills me. I imagine Shay and I afloat in our tree, not really touching the rest of the world, but still existing amid all of the chaos and destruction. Our legs swaying against the wind, laughing about nothing the way we used to. Him leaning there, waiting for me to meet him halfway.
"Okay." I imagine him nod then realise that I can't see him.
"Okay," he says with finality. He's static on the other side, shifting around around around. "See you later," he says.
"See you later."