"For now, I only view you as friend and I don't want to change our relationship. I know I'm being selfish, but... " My words trailed on and on.
"Does that mean, I still have a chance?" He suddenly question me.
"Huh what?" I was confused.
"You said 'for now' . For all I knew, your feelings towards me might change someday. And if I do have chances, I hope you would try to accept it at some point."
"Uh... but! But I actually didn't like it when you suddenly treated me like a woman. Like yesterday, you're grabbing my chair before I seat on it. And you put on a napkin on my lap before serve the cake."
"Eh, but I was being considerate. Why does those have to do with being treated same as woman?" He looked up at me with a weird expression.
"It's exactly that. I don't like it when people try to be considerate of me. I always want to be an equal to my important person. I don't want to feel like I own them or I have to obey them at some point. That kind of relationship even if it's close friend, dating or family isn't right. I hope you can understand..."
I feel so awkward stating all of that. Yes, I know at some point he's right. He do have a chance before my feelings evolved further but I'm afraid that I would hurt him in the future. We're different. Gay and straight guys are different from each other. We might be close friends someday but in the end if he really fall into deep for me, I might regret my actions. He'll suffer because of my selfish attitude.
"I understand. I might be coming on strong. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable."
After what feels like five minutes of deep thinking, he finally spoke up. I look up to his pain expression. He looked as if he's been dumped which is probably by my words. I kinda feel regret a bit but it was for the best. I looked at my surroundings when I saw it's already late outside and the clock strike past nine.
'Sh**! I forgot I still have assignment to submit tomorrow and I haven't finished it yet!'
I stand up abruptly, making me lose my balance. I was ready to feel the hard, cold floor on my face but a pair of arms on my waist managed to save me. I could feel cold breathe behind my ears. 'OMG, we're so close, it's awkward!!'
"Uh, can you let go now? I have to go." Oops, that's probably sound harsh. Mr France let me go.
I can still feel a pair of eyes staring dagger at me as I leave the shop. 'Oh, man, this feels so awkward...' I thought to myself.
'I better get it together, I have to finish the assignment by tonight. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to stay up..'
********************
An arms wrapped around me from behind and a familiar sweet smells crept into my nose. I was confused for what's happening so I just stand still. All of a sudden, a pair of wide hands spread all over my abdomen. I could feel tingly all over it and my body seems to move on its own. I could hear my own moans mixing with the other person from behind me. It was hot and the me in front of my own body wouldn't listen to myself.
'This is strange, I need to get away from this man!' I said to my body.
As if to say my body is weak against the man's touch, my knees gave out as he bit my ear while caressing my chest. I was breathing hard and my body turned around to face a very familiar face. It was France Mine, the owner of the shop I frequent to. Our body were getting closer and very intimate. As our lips were about to touch, a very loud sounds resonate through my ears and suddenly I woke up. Thankfully it was just a dream!
'Ding Dong! Ding Dong!'
The doorbell was ringing for several times already. I wonder who could it be.
'Gotta ignore that. Probably the salesman.' I squinted my eyes together to get back to my sleep.
'Ding Dong! Ding Dong!'
The doorbell was ringing again. Ugh, this person is so insisting to wake me up.
"Ugh, who's waking me up so early in the morning?" I rolled out of the bed and made my way to the front door without a care about my current appearance.
As I opened it, a familiar smell stirred me up. A bitter sweet smell combined together. Since I'm half asleep, I think I saw something weird. A man in a purple bunny printed apron was holding a fresh bake meatloaf at my front door. I rubbed my eyes as hard as I could and looked up again. No, it's not my imagination. In fact, the most shocking news was the man in front of me is actually the man in my dreams itself.
"Huh, Mr France?!" I sound a little shock as I said it out loud.
'Crap, he's probably think I'm not expecting him or anything.'
He didn't say anything, just stand at the same spot like it was nothing at all. It was so uncomfortable not talking at all while standing like some kids.
"Uh, what are you doing here?" I said awkwardly, rubbing my neck.
"Oh, yeah. I just moved in next door. So I thought I'll greet my neighbor. It just so happen to be you." He said so with a wide smile on his face while passing the meatloaf to me.
"Oh, I see. That's nice of you. Uh.. "
I was at loss of words to continue so I just stand there awkwardly for another seconds. With what happened yesterday night, I did not expect to see the person himself so soon and now he actually live next door!!
"Looks like I bother your sleep. Sorry, I'll greet you again next time." He turned his back around with a sour look on his face.
As Mr France turned his back on me to leave, I grabbed his left hand which is the nearest one to me without thinking. 'Ugh, I feel bad for some reason.'
"Wait! How about we get some drinks as a celebration you're moving in tonight?" I suggested, seeing as how upset he looked. His face literally lit up like a child getting his favourite candy.
"Really?! That would be great. I'll see you later." He bid goodbye to me, waving his right hand with a proud smile. I don't know why but something stirred up inside me. I wonder what is this feeling?
"Um, could you please let my hand go?" I snapped back to reality as I realized I still hold on to his left hand. Awkwardly, I let it go.
"Hmm, sorry about that." I said while rubbing the back of my head.
With that, he left my front door and went back to his place which is actually right next door to me.
'Argh!!!!' My mind screamed as I closed my front door behind me.
'What the hell just happened?! Did I just grabbed his hand unconsciously? And what the hell that dream got to do with this?! I hope I'm not reading too much into it...'
'Um, what time is it?' I looked at my alarm clock and almost scream.
"Argh!! I'm gonna be late for class!!" I hope no one near heard my terrible scream..but I feel kind of forgetting something.
Hurriedly, I took a quick shower and put on easiest clothes to wear, which is a plain looking grey coloured hoodie with a pair of black jeans and a black coloured cap. I picked up my last night assignment to be submit today at noon and along with my stationery for classes. Just some notebook, and things most student used. With that, I run out of the front door, locked it and run towards the elevator only to find it longer to wait. I decided to run down the stairs as I only have half an hour before my first class start.
'Oh man, oh man, I have to make it if I don't want to drag my grades down!!'
Reciting these words inside my mind, I finally made to the classroom ten minutes before class start. I settled down to my seat and relaxed myself for a few seconds before class begins.
Hours later....
"Haa..." I sighed as I unlocked my front door.
I did managed to finish my assignment and submitted it to the professor only to be scold because of my lack of managing time. Classes after that went by just fine but unfortunately for me, I have to group up with the seniors in my department for a group project that due within another month. What's more, there's rumors those seniors are always slacking off and push their works to the juniors to finish especially one's that don't have close friends. In my case, I'm that unfortunate person who's yet to find some friends.
Ping! Ping! Ping!
'Oh great, it's the group notification....'
It's actually been ringing ever since I've came back home. I opened my phone screen lock to see the messages. I saved all of their numbers as Senior 1, Senior 2, and Senior 3 because I wouldn't bother to save someone's name who I'll probably be forgetting soon.
Group XX
Senior 1: Hey, Josh!!
Senior 2: We, seniors are busy with a lot of projects to finish.
Senior 3: So we decided that you have to research the topic on your own and we'll do the presentation.
Senior 1: Let's discuss this back this weekend.
Senior 3: Meet up at XXX Cafe at noon.
Me: Ah, okay...
"Haaaa.... Just my luck grouping with them because I don't know anyone in the class..." I mumbled as I plopped down the bed and relaxed my sore body that had been moving around a lot for the whole day.
I wonder why I'm such a good guy, helping assistant professor to bring boxes of research paper, helped an unconscious man to the hospital, being involved with pickpocket crime and catch them just because I was passing by.
'Ugh, why is my life like this? Just because I was passing by them, I feel worse if I ignore them, so I helped them instead.' I thought to myself.
"Uh, my eyes feel heavy for some reason... Why is my breathing became hot all of sudden?"
I could feel hot steam within my eye sight. I wonder why my body feel like it's been boiling in the hot water. My eyes feel heavy for some reason. I tried to keep it open but due to my tiredness, everything suddenly turned black.
"-J!!"
I could feel someone said my name. Who is it? Am I dreaming? My body feels heavy for some reason. I opened my eyes a little and saw a familiar face.
"Mr France?"
********************
To be continued....