It was really peaceful outside of the cemetery. People walked in one or other direction busy with their own problems, as sounds of running cars blended into one buzz. Solomon could say the events that took place before had none to do with him like some other Solomon was there. Now outside, he already planned what he will do back in the flat.
A guy walking ahead with his weird noises regularly shattered it, and given the shit, he witnessed he might end up in some Cthulhu stomach as well. Time passed like nothing in that weird stalemate until they've arrived at the bus stop.
"It seems time has come to part our ways." The stranger kicked some pebble and began walking in other direction. So this was Solomon's lucky day.
"Goodbye." The bus just has arrived, although wrong but screw it. He kicked off the ground in a desperate attempt to make it. Time slowed down, adrenaline kicked in, all muscles turned on with little power they had. People were knocked down, pushed away under massive ram, but nothing mattered for Solomon besides getting out of there. It was close, very close. He could see the driver already... but the world stopped at once. People went frozen, cars, even pigeons who should have been flying went motionless without falling down.
Solomon hoovered in his tracks, unable to even move eyeballs.
"Well, that's it, shit shit shit !" He tried to move but no matter how hard he tried imagining how his bo nothing responded to his commands. He could hear steps in back, viciously slow. He couldn't even pee his pants.
Then it stopped. Was it torture, to stay like this forever, or even longer?
" Why didn't you stop me and ask what I did !" Solomon fell on the ground. He raised head, to see the same silhouette with folded hands, visibly displeased.
"Hmmm, I'm not sure how it is with you, but when I come across eldritch beings I try to make a break for it." Solomon bite his tongue but words has already came out. Well, shit. He was going to die from cardiac arrest anyway.
"Seriously, am I that scary? " He clutched his head in false shock.
"Let's see" Solomon started. "First you knew my name, but no one said it earlier. Second, in the church, you were basically ignored while watching porn on full sound. Third, you beat the shit out of high tier Chad effortlessly and then took away his pain by some spooky voodo when convenient. Should I go further?" Solomon picked himself up and looked straight into the being's eyes. Now he realized they were constantly slightly shifting in color or shape, as the whole face.
" Well done my student, your sensei is proud of you. You're ready. " Stranger pat Solomon's head. It was enough of a clue to Solomon to drop the topic.
"Soooo, maybe you could introduce yourself before you make my life miserable."
"Ok, I am God"
"What ?!" Theoretically it wasn't out of possibility, however person he had before him, wasn't something that fit in any way into mystic being.
God vanished once again, everything turned into darkness, Samuel called himself an idiot for acting like an idiot. Then a lone light appeared far away, fanfare began to play and in cascade of applause God entered, now in world-class suit.
"Yes, the almighty, the wildest and tha best guy around... meeeee." Fanfare played again, and the curtain went down, the world became bright again.
"Now, d-o y-o-u g-e-t i-t." He asked, dragging each word.
"Yes, yes." - Solomon assured.
"Finally some respect." God sat on before non existent couch. "Now, let's get to business."
Solomon's brain, reached its cognitive capacity "W-what ?"
"Business, that thing when both sides have something and try to rip it out of each other. Do I need to get visuals for this too ?" In contrast to the past Solomon could sense a bit of harshness in casual words.
" But, why me ?"
"What why you ?"
" Well, for reasons unknown, first you orchestrate play on the funeral, then reveal yourself as a god and then talk about a business. Put yourself in my position for at least a moment." The last words sounded more like a plead. Solomon couldn't help it, but the feeling of void was more and more overcoming. Since he left family house he have always wanted to keep things simple, which made it easy to not care.
Perhaps it would be better if this being just killed him, instead of talking about deals and business. What he had to offer anyway? Cash, games or Netflix account? He doubted any of these things would be of any worth for someone with magics. Solomon looked around ignoring curiously watching God. It felt like pausing move from inside, creepy yet beautiful.
"I've considered your words. Why not." - He got comfy on his couch. Solomon stood, unsure what to do until a force pushed him right into massive armchair behind.
"Without any further waiting, let's start our story about me." The atmosphere changed, Solomon felt God's eye's basically piercing his own skull. The mysterious mist appeared, as the tension rose. God cleared throat, Solomon gulped and
"Basically I wanna write isekai harem novel so I need placeholder useless guy from the earth" Solomon tore his fingers into furniture with a painful crack.
"Sorry I have a cute girlfriend, I can't leave her !" Solomon's face had an expression far from convincing, but a spark of something undescribable yet true made god went stiff.
"Really, someone like you ?" God's tried to sound casual while playing with fluffy cushion.
" I would lie to you, I, your business buddy, man I really thought you had a better opinion of me." Look, she is waiting for me in the house."
"You take me for an idiot, I can tell no one is there !"
"Look on bed dumbass. Here she lies, beautiful, perfect, and 100 percent made of natural materials." It was so satisfying to see how god tried to stop anger from surging outside. Fortifying survival instinct was but a small price. - "now at least you can get my feeling for you." He whispered.
"Och, you got me. I totally forgot about the weeb power, you're so pathetic I would rather not know it anyway." - God stood up, drawing back. - " But sure, I had enough of this crap too."
Something pin Solomon into furniture until he couldn't move even a finger.
"Listen I don't want to be taken as a guy who is an uber asshole, I always give a choice of ignoring me" He started casually while walking in circles.
"Ohh, seriously" Solomon wanted to say, but the force still kept him frozen.
"Yes, seriously." He gestured towards Solomon. "I have no profit in senseless slaughter, therefore here comes the choice." He stopped and jumper right back on the couch.
"Else you choose to agree to my deal, which means you just have to survive long enough, till I say so, or- " The couch went forward until God's and Solomon's eyes were few inches far.
" you say no and lose this chance. " Couch went back leaving Solomon with goosebumps .
"you may wonder about what chance I'm talking about, let me tell you." he paused dramatically " a chance to survive your wife's chad. A coffin rose from beneath the earth.
" See, I think what we had done at the cemetery was utterly beautiful." Well, causing chaos seemed to be God's most favorite thing for Solomon.
" When someone precious die, there is a void that needs to be filled with pain. It's not a pleasurable process, yet needed... unless you piss them off so much they will fill it with frustrations and anger, and you helped them do this flawlessly."
"Yup, I can see lily and James full of tears while hearing mother's last wish about inheritance." Solomon had once again enough of whole ceremonial tone.
"Okay! okay! Think about children! They will sure feel pain after the loss of the grandmother." responded god conforming Solomon's suspicion once again.
"Basically" - he cleared his throat " whole catharsis and compromisation will make James go after you and It won't end up particularly good for you." So he was in shit no matter what will he choose - "my fucking luck"
"but fear not It's not my shenanigans that caused it, only your decision to come, and as an addition, I will tell you that if you sell everything and escape on Syberia today, you have a fair chance of survival."
God put his hands on Solomon's arms and sighed. " My condolences, I understand you and fell your pain." Solomon just gazed at him frozen. "Ohh, don't be like that I totally understand you. It's not like as I am portrayed in every religion's books as some ruthless shit, besides" - he leaned towards Solomons ear and said " I have forgotten to tell you that if you agree and do your part I will make you live until earth will go fuck itself with bombs and other toys with all you would ever desire.
"Why do I feel I'm gonna regret this ?" Said Solomon out loud, then jumped shocked at his own voice."
"I'm not your Nigerian prince to make a false deal, besides how would I later wrote down your response, like.. then Solomon agreed with God in mind."
"Hey, I haven't agreed yet, and even now pissing you off with that all passive aggression of yours seems tempting."
"Careful, you're not that of a snowflake to be irreplaceable."
" I'm sure of that, therefore with that broad choice of yours I choice that one reasonable choice to agree." Solomon reached his hand to God in a most professional way he could think of.
"See, you're catching the right mood already." God shook his hand firmly. They did it for half a minute in spite of Solomon's prompts to end it.
"You're an impatient type I can see." He let go of Solomon's hand and backed down " you should enjoy each moment instead of running like mad to see what's next."
"yes, yes can we start. This whole waiting is stressing me out enough. By the way what kind of the world it's gonna be, like sword and magic or."
"Why bother to respond when you will learn that in a moment?"
"Well, wouldn't it be bett- aaaaaaarrrrgghh" Solomon went down while screaming in pain and writhing around. Something burned him from inside, fighting it's way through. Solomon went out of breath, his lungs crushing under sheer pressure. He managed to get crawling to God.
"help! DO SOMETHING !" He tried to scream, beg, wail, but besides black blood, nothing came out.
Arm Solomon was leaning his weight exploded with blood and meat sending him on the side. He lied there unable to control his body while the images went in front of his eyes. Each time he was beaten as a kid, by chads in school, ridiculed by family, people staring at him with utter disgust, himself while lying in the sea of trash unable to do a thing. Then he felt fear, embarrassment but now there was only anger.
With bits of strength, he pushed himself on back to see god just staring. Instead of helping or doing anything, he stood there content with what he see. Hate found it's an outlet. That bastard was toying with him, he knew that long before but only now fully understood.
"Bhhastarth I whill khhiil youu" If rage he managed to squeeze out.
"It seems to be progressing well enought," God said, rather to himself than laying Solomon.
He won't let that bastard ignore him. Solomon once again squeezed all he had inside ignoring the burning pain and raised arm to punch bastard. The skin was long gone and now meet was seeping from between more and more visible bones. T-Than couldn't be his body, it's impossible illogical.
"Just as everything you saw today idiot !" A malicious voice came as if out off his own body.
Solomon tried to do something, stop it but in consequence spilled more of his own flesh. Scared he tried to crawl out of it but couldn't and schoock made his eyeballs fel out. No he couldn't see anything ass he wriggled trying to put everything inside, but more he tried more he lost. First, smell of burning flesh, then the taste of tears, sense of pain, sound of screaming. After a while he even couldn't move at all.
Finally he ended up unsure if he even existed but still he could think and feel.
"Wouldn't it be better to just don't care and be ?" He heard dull bored voice eching everywhere.
"Yup, for a shit like him it would be best what he could archive now." responded malicious one. For now Solomon decided to agree.
Noone stared at the puddle in front of him, full of pride. He didn't expect it would go as half as smooth. " Nonono, I shouldn't take all credits", he thought about guy from before. There was some problems with his cooperativeness then, so what's gonna happen later. He examined puddle again, it was perfect mix of all three parts in every way, unfolding and making it this good again would be a pain.
" Alright, I'm gonna worry about it then."
He conjured sphere that devoured puddle. Scenery went back to the bus station and with a clap everything was alive again.
People begain to scream and run away from a bloody mess that appeared in place of Solomon. Bus driver turned right in shock bumping into a small girl. It was all cosy and great as he dissapeared in crowd.