My eyes widen at this, that's why he had stiffened when I said he fed me to the puppies, I mentally facepalm, how inconsiderate of me but then again I couldn't have known.
"She was just twelve and her first growth spurt had just hit." He laughs wetly at this point. "She was almost your height." He glances up at this point then back down at me. "Slightly taller though." He adds, a tiny twinkle in his eyes at this.
We're face to face, sitting side by side, and turning to face each other didn't leave much space between our faces.
"I wasn't home when it happened." He says in a dark voice, eyes clouding over. "I never let her out of my sight but I went to stay with a friend for a couple days and the next thing I hear is my sister is missing." He makes a sound at this point, although his eyes are glassy, he doesn't cry while tears are already prickling at the corners of my eyes.
"I rushed back immediately and joined the search, there's a forest reserve in the city that I knew she liked to visit because puppies usually wandered around there." He paused at this point and I don't know when I slip a hand in his, he hangs on to it right like he's falling and needs someone, something, anything to ground him.
"I…" He starts to say then chokes and I quickly intervene.
"Y-You don't have to say it."
"I know but I want to." He replies in a cold voice. "She liked puppies, I wasn't really a big fan of the noisy, bothersome animals but not her, she always told me that in her next life she would come back as a puppy…" He trails off at this point, stark pain in his eyes.
I frown at my calculations, Jade had died recently.
"I found her bloodied clothes, hiding a cowering puppy." He chokes on his words again and hunches over, my hand in his hold.
I wrap my hands around his shaking form, tears pouring down my eyes.
"It was on my eighteenth birthday." He continues in a rough voice. "There was nothing left except blood stains and tufts of her hair…" He paused at this point. "I'm sorry for being so detailed but the words just keep pouring out." He mumbles into the curve of my shoulder, clutching me desperately like he's trying not to break.
"I-It's fi-fine." I stutter in a teary voice, rubbing his back.
I can't believe he kept all this locked up for months, suffering all by himself.
"We moved after that and now my mom never leaves her room and my dad never stays home." He chuckles bitterly at this. "It's all my fault, I was supposed to watch over her."
"It's not your fault." I say firmly and simply, because it wasn't. "You weren't the one who killed her so it isn't your fault at all."
He goes quiet at this, his face still hidden in my shoulder.
I go quiet too because enough words have been said, unconsciously I wish I was bigger so I could have easily and properly wrapped Dale up in my arms, he needed all the comfort he could get.
He lifts his head to look at my face. "How can you be so like her and yet so different at the same time?" He asks in a feather-soft voice, wiping my tears away.
I blink at him, my wet lashes tickling my face. I don't know what to say but maybe that explains his fixation with me.
"It's hauntingly comforting." He murmurs, still staring down at me. "Can I ask a favor?"
I don't hesitate. "Of course."
"Do you mind if I carry you?" He asks seriously, that fragile light coming into his eyes again.
I blink to dispel the fictional ringing in my ears, did I just hear right. "Um, sure." I agree, unable to say no to him, besides my arms are so short that they barely give any semblance of comfort.
Again for the second time that day, I'm sitting on Dale and I'm hoping this doesn't become routine. Luckily it's sideways so that I don't have to kneel on the hard bench, he seems content to just hold me like this, like a younger sibling.
My upper body is resting on his chest and his arm supports my back, it's actually comfortable like this but I'm the one supposed to be giving comfort.
"I'm supposed to be hugging you, not the other way around." I murmur to Dale.
He just hums. "You are, I used to easily carry Jade this way until she had her growth spurt, and then she would insist that I get on her lap." He chuckles lightly.
I blink at this mental picture and laugh as well, Dale had gone quiet so I look up at him and take a sharp breath at the look in his eyes.
I just remind him of his little sister right? - please stop looking at me like that - I beg mentally, averting my face, a red flush creeping up my neckline.
He's looking at me like I'm a meal and he's starving, I vaguely imagine how a sandwich must feel when a hungry person stares at it like that.
He uses his other hand to push my hair behind my ear and my entire face goes red, he's not even distracted by my colorwork, still intently staring at me.
"D-Dal…"
"You don't look like her at all plus you're not a girl." His voice hitches at this point and his eyes heat up even more - I'm pretty sure I'm dying.
"She had slanted green eyes and long black hair with a sharp, angular face." He continues in a low voice, leaning down to look at me, our faces are mere inches apart now and I'm panicking.
"You have big grey eyes and short, gold-brown hair with a soft, oval face. You couldn't be more different."
He leans forward even more that our noses are almost touching and all the air around me disappears, he can't be wanting to kiss me right? Right? I'm a boy, straight boys don't kiss boys.
He starts to raise his head again and relief washes over me at the close call, I've never been more confused. It's a little too much to think I'd be remarkable enough to warrant that sort of attention or turn straight people gay.
Before I can fully relax, he flips me so that I'm sitting on him the way I was in the car, he wraps one arm around my waist and the other tilts my face up to his.
I internally panic, staring at him with wide eyes.
This can't be happening!
Apparently, I'm still dreaming because Dale slants his head and kisses me.
Actually kissing is different from how my head envisioned it either that or I'm just not normal, his thin pink lips are soft against mine and my eyes are still blown wide.
Dale doesn't know that I've never had my first kiss.
I stiffen, not knowing what to do. Paperback novels never prepared me for this.
He pulls back. "I'm sorry about that." He looks away
I look up at him. "The kiss?"
He glances back at me. "No, taking you by surprise."
I blink, not sure I heard correctly, I really need to invest in hearing aids and glasses too apparently because the person I'm sitting on right now couldn't be Dale.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks seriously, that deadly look back in his eyes again.
I swallow my tongue and a couple teeth, I'm stuck in a reoccurring nightmare, a nightmare that's making my skin burn and my heart triple its rate.
My hands are fisted in his shirt and my voicebox disappears, I even open my mouth a couple of times but nothing comes out because what the hell am I supposed to say??
Dale wants to kiss me!! Dale!!
I might just be dreaming because things like this didn't happen in real life.