Before I know it, I'm standing outside my math class. English just finished. Only one more hour till lunch. I'm glad to find that we have a supply teacher for the lesson. I can't stand Miss Bryce.
We have this thing called a 'starter' at Oakwood High which we do before we start the lesson. You're only meant to spend around five minutes on it but in Miss Bryce's class, you spend half an hour doing it and marking it and then start the lesson where we learn nothing. You'd think this is good but it's not. She won't let us talk at all, even if we needed help on a question. We can't help each other either. What if you were choking? Are you just meant to sit their and die?
But she's also very deaf and very, um, excruciatingly annoying. Like when the people around me are talking to me and I'm just listening, she just tells me to stop talking just because she apparently doesn't know anyone else's name. I can't even say one word without her telling me to shut up, I can't even ask to borrow someone's ruler, like, what did I ever do to you for you to hate me so bad.
She also has very thick make up on her face everyday and fake nails on all the time. She doesn't even take them off and after she hands out worksheets to everyone she starts putting on lipstick and smiling at her nails again. Sometimes she does this while she's meant to be teaching us how to do things. I can't help but rant about her; she's that annoying.
I drag my feet to my seat next to the radiator filled with rubbish (don't ask me why) and sit down. The rest of the girls on my row come one by one and sit down. Nuha sits to my left, Laaibah sits next to her and Evelyn sits at the end of the row. I sit at the other end of the row near the wall.
"Hiiiii, Lea," Nuha says.
"Byeeee Noah" I return.
"Ha ha, very funny," she jokes in her sarcastic tone.
"Hello everyone," the teacher says, "I'm Miss Sur, not spelled like sir, haha very funny get over it."
The entire class just sits there in silence staring at her. You could almost hear the crickets chirping awkwardly in the background. Well you could've, if it wasn't for me.
"HAHAHA! MISS SUR! I'LL NEVER GET OVER THIS!"
Not so surprisingly, I was the only one who started laughing at this. The whole class turn away from Miss Sur to stare at me wide-eyed instead, all of them turning their heads in perfect sync. Wow, I never knew they had a professional owl degree.
Again not so surprisingly, I find this even more funny and start laughing harder. My previous attempts to calm down were all a waste. But I think I have a bigger problem on my hands.
I can't stop laughing.
And Miss Sur is looking at me.
I try to cover up my giggles with coughing but then I forget to breath and end up in an awkward coughing fit. Everyone is still staring at me. I feel around my bag for my water bottle while still coughing. I'm gonna die. Send help, please.
Miss Sur sits down at her desk, "Ok everybody, let's do the register... Laaibah-"
I still can't find my water bottle. I've stopped coughing now but my throat feels like a million little daggers have stabbed through it.
"Lila?"
"Yes Miss"
I got my bottle.
"Mira?"
"Yes Miss"
I put it to my mouth and tip it up.
"Lea"
"Yes Miss," I choke. Water spills everywhere.
An the award for the stupidest idiot goes to Lea Owens. And don't say your worse 'cause you're really not.
In case you haven't figured out already I was trying to drink the water and it was nearing my mouth when my name got called. I opened my mouth to answer and the water went splashing down my front and all over the table.
Stupidly, I burst out laughing and don't stop because I know that as soon as I stop I'll freeze to death from the ice cold water I just drenched myself in. I probably look retarded right now, sitting there laughing my head off with a creepy smile plastered to my face as I try to do it quietly. Just imagining that sends shudders down my spine.
Ugggh, I feel the ice cold water now. It's soaked through my prisitine white shirt and made it slightly see through. Luckily I'm wearing a vest underneath, otherwise everything would be on display.
"Ewwwwwwwww! Okay, I think something leaked in my bag cos everything is covered in caramel and it's sticky," Nuha exclaims, making a Nuhu face in the process.
A 'Nuhu face' is a face that she makes all the time for no reason at all. But it's really funny. It's like a confused face but disturbed at the same time.
She pulls out a few of her books and shows me the sticky, mucus yellow substance stuck to its edges.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! DON'T SHOW ME THAT! IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE VOMITED! AND OH MY GOD IT'S WET!" I scream. This girl really needs to clean out her bag.
"OH MY GOD THERE'S HARIBOS! Here do you want them? I can't eat them" she asks me.
"AAAAAAAH! Ooh, haribos. Yeah okay. They're not expired right?" I ask.
I love how we just randomly change emotions.
"I don't know. Check the back."
"Ok... Yeah they're not expired. I'll eat them now then."
"Ok," she nods.
"Ok," I nod back.
We don't stop nodding and probably resemble a couple of bobble heads right now. We should be a TV show. I would binge watch it every night if I were me. Wait, that doesn't make sense.
After we finish our 'nodathon', we sit in silence while I not so secretly eat my haribos.
Miss Sur doesn't notice because she's busy talking to Aryan at the back of the class. I eavesdrop on their conversation:
"-yeah I work in a prison teaching the men how to do maths because they failed their GCSE's and can't get an education anymore," Miss Sur says.
"But aren't there rapists in there?" Aryan asks. Sometimes I wonder about these kids.
"Um, yes?" Miss Sur replies unsurely.
"Did you work for the FBI?" Aryan asks. I swear, he should still be in primary.
"No. Stop asking me questions. I'm trying to teach you maths," Miss Sur instructs in her serious tone which isn't as serious as she might think.
Me and Nuha both burst out laughing at this.
"That's cool. I wanna be an FBI one day," Nuha grins.
"KSI or Logan Paul?" she then asks me.
"What?" I ask.
"The boxing match. KSI or Logan Paul?" she repeats.
I am dumbfounded because I don't keep up with these kinds of things.
"Me and Parambir made a bet that if KSI wins I give him five pounds but if Logan Paul wins he gives me ten pounds. He made up the rules as well which is dumb because I get more if I win the bet," she explains, nodding her head.
"You should make a contract to make sure that he gives you the money," I suggest.
"Yeah, I'll make him sign one in science tomorrow cos I sit next to him," she agrees.
She pulls out a pair of black gloves and puts them on then turns to me and says,"Shut up, I'm a road man okay. Don't judge."
"Oh my god it's FBI Roadman Noah!" I exclaim, "You should sign that on the contract."
"Yeah I really should," she tells me. She doesn't sound like she is joking.
"Nuha"
We both turn around to face Suhayl who's sat next to Aryan. Suhayl is the most annoying person in the world. He's more annoying than Theo and that's saying a lot. His worthless life revolves around the vending machines around the school. Most of him is just fat and blubber; I'll be surprised if he's not related to a seal.
"What do you want?" Nuha asks, making her signature Nuhu face at him.
"Aryan told me that he saw you in the corridor and his thing went up like this," Suhayl tells us, using his finger to point up. Nuha's eyes widen and she makes an unreadable but obviously shocked expression. I sit back and die of laughter in the background.
Aryan's face goes pink, "Shut up, man."
Now I know that this is most definitely true. Heeheehee. I just realised how creepy that is. OK what the hell is wrong with my mind?
"Yeah it's true. He told me yesterday," Suhayl continues, his many chins wobbling in the process.
Yep, it's true. I feel so sorry for Nuha. I remember last year when they used to sit next to each other in maths. Nuha was the only girl who played Fortnite and Aryan was asking for her username and even wanted to play with her. It was hilarious! I miss the good old days.
Nuha, like any other person, doesn't want this to be true so she blurts, "SHUT UP YOU PIG! NO ONE CARES!"
Being the good friend I am, I loudly laugh at Nuha's expense. I've got stitches in my sides now.
"Calm down Noah, it's okay," I tell her still laughing about what I heard.
"No it's not. If this is true, I swear, I'm gonna kill him. This cannot be true,"she tells me. Her reactions are always so funny it's funny.
Suhayl ignores this and starts talking to Aryan about some other inappropriate things. I swear, while others get proper jobs he'll end up being a rapist. Why am I surrounded by mentally ill people?
This lesson really could not get better. Best maths lesson I've had in years.
I've done one question so far so I try to solve another one but I zone out and accidentally start eavesdropping on the conversation of the boys behind us. That's how boring and useless maths is.
"OK, if you could smash one celebrity who would it be?" one of them asks.
David replies, "Mariah Carey."
Mariah Carey. Ugh. Why? She's like fifty years old.
"No Ariana Grande's better," Ryan argues.
"No she's not," David retorts.
"She's peng. You've gotta admit it. She looks like she's fifteen and she's bare fit,"Ryan reasons.
Me and Nuha both turn around at hearing this and look at Ryan.
"Stop staring at me," he demands and carries on talking about how amazing Ariana Grande is.
These guys are like paedophiles but the other way round. It's actually very scary.
Ryan randomly starts singing 'Thank you, Next' in a high pitch, girly voice and he really can't sing. Plus he got the lyrics wrong:
"One taught me drugs,
One taught me violence,
And one taught me champagne,"
I don't even know with these people.
"Ok we need five minutes of silence before you can leave so do your work!" Miss Sur shouts.
Everyone quietens down and do their work. The big window right next to me is open and the freezing wind comes gushing in. This makes me even colder since I watered myself before. I'll probably get a cold now. I stare willingly at the window, trying to get it to close. I know it's not going to work but I do it anyway because I can't be asked to do anymore maths and damage my pea-sized brain. I honestly don't know how I'm smart.
"Eeheeheehee"
Okay, somebody just did a creepy clown laugh outside. I'm very disturbed now. I slowly turn my head to face Nuha to already see her looking at me with a shell-shocked expression on her face. We both burst out whisper-laughing simultaneously.
Nuha is like the sister that I never had. We've had some good times together. If there's one person I'll miss when I finish school, it'll be her. It would've been Megan. I sigh internally at the thought of her. I don't think she likes me anymore. Or maybe it's Laila's influence. Either way, I'm stuck by myself now. That's right. I have no friends. I'm a loner. Now to wait till everyone else finds out and starts bullying me.
I don't understand why adults say that school is the best time of your life. It's really not. School isn't even moderately interesting. You walk around with the heavy burden of GCSEs on your shoulders and you try to concentrate and understand school work but just can't. Homework starts to pile up and you don't get enough sleep. Social groups become important and you have to look pretty. And then there's puberty and all the acne and hormones and blood and guts and - read in a deep scary voice - death. In fact, school is a nightmare come true. It's horrible.
Maybe kids then weren't as bad as today and everyone had good genes and nobody had to worry about being ugly. Maybe society didn't pressurize you to look a certain way. Maybe everyone had lots of friends and nobody got left out. If that's what it was like, I wanna be there. Then I can go around with all those annoying adults with my 'back in the day' lectures.
"Ok you can pack up and go now," Miss Sur informs us.
Everyone automatically shoves their pencil cases and planners into their school bags and stands up behind their chairs. We are dismissed row by row. My row gets called and I rush towards the door, eager to get out. I glimpse Laila going downstairs. That's where Megan's class is. I start doubting our friendship again but force myself to stop. A sigh escapes from my lips.
Well that was an eventful lesson.