VIVIA:
I felt my violin vibrate to the strings of Nick's guiter. My eyes blocked out everything as did my ears. I felt nothing except for the rhythm and my mind automatically formed the words I last spoke 7 years ago.
"Waking up knowing there's a reason
All my dreams come alive
Life is for living with You
I've made my decision"
I opened my eyes to the pin drop silence hall with all eyes on me, I felt myself getting nervous but then I felt a nudge letting me know I'm not alone. As I let my hands move on my violin letting melody flow like water. As did my voice.
"You lift me up, fill my eyes with wonder
Forever young in Your love
This freedom's untainted with You
No moment is wasted"
Nick started singing as Cynthia hummed along as I gained confidence and strengthen my grip.
"See the sun now bursting through the clouds
Black and white turns to colour all around
All is new, in the savior I am found"
A smile appeared on me slowly as I closed my eyes letting all go.
"This is living now
This is living now
This is living now"
I felt in everything and nothing, just free. I let all go as my hands go as my own violin touched my heart.
"You take me higher than I've been before
It's your perfect love that sees me sour
God your freedom is an open door
You are everything I want and more"
I felt myself let go, setting myself free to the medoly I once feel in love with. Simply letting it flow out of me, my violin.
"You lead the way, God you're right beside me
In you're love I'm complete
There's nothing like living with you
This life you created, I choose
See the sun now bursting through the cloud
Black and white turns to colour all around
All is new, in the saviour I'm found "
I felt my heart get lighter as I played and voice almost as autotune feeling nothing but myself.
"This is living now
This is living now...
You take me higher than I've been before
It's Your perfect love that sees me soar
God your freedom is an open door
You are everything I want and more"
I felt a tear slip on on my perfect note yet my smile didn't falter as Nick's guitar hit every perfect note making me smile all the way as I turn to him who haven't even moved his eyes from me.
"See the sun now bursting through the clouds
Black and white turns to colour all around
All in new, in the saviour I'm found [2X]
This is living now
This is living now"
I turn to the crowds as I felt some seemed to be touched, some pulled out their phone lighting it up, moving along with us.
"You take me higher than I've been before
It's Your perfect love that sees me soar
God your freedom is an open door
You are everything I want and more."
I slowed down in the end still eyes close and feeling every beat of my heart in the silence as I suddenly heard the huge loud cheered. Opening my eyes, my felt my friends scream as we all fell in a hug.
"Ehmm," I heard the DJ clear his voice as we looked up.
"I never thought I'd ever have tears in this club but guess someone proved me wrong." He said as others laughed.
"Guys, another round of aplause for the amazing group of friends, who infact made us cry in Tao Downtown." He shouted as another huge crowd noice followed.
Once it quieted down, I heard a shout between the crowds, we all looked down and one guy asked for a mic.
"How about another round on her wish to the DJ's beat? Just her!" He said pointing at me as I was shell shocked.
I feel too light headed and might faint now.
"Yea, why not." Before I could even process an answer, I heard Nick shout back following the others.
"Nick!" I let out hitting him.
"I might not murder you, but paybacks are counted babe." He whispered as I let out an astonished sound.
"Aw hell nw." I replied putting my violin down.
"Aw hell yes," he said pulling the Violin away and put a mic in my hand and left.
Cynthia winked at me following him as did Syn too. I was all alone on he stage as the DJ asked what he's going to play. I was half brain dead as I looked over to the only guy I always played with and knew me best. So seeing my pleading eyes and dying inside, Nick went up to the DJ and told him something then winked at me as I felt my blood drain from me. He did something stupid, I'm sure of it.
He slowly came up close by my ears and slowly let out.
"Let your mind go, and destroy the guy who still haunts your mind like a young god." He whispered as I felt every blood on my body boil up knowing who and what he meant.
It was like a final confidence I needed to step up and thus nodded at the DJ to start.
This song, most people never understood but this hit my base like every fiber of me sparked with meaning in this song.
I closed my eyes and let it flow on my lips.
"He says, "Ooh, baby girl,
you know we're gonna be legends
I'm a king and you're a queen
and we will stumble through heaven
If there's a light at the end,
it's just the sun in your eyes
I know you wanna go to heaven,
but you're human tonight"
I slowly remembered my first date, feeling nervous, the first smile. The light touch, the butterflies, I feeling of letting go. The falling in love.
"And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool
For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds
But do you feel like a young god?
You know the two of us are just young gods
And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath
And they're running, running, running"
The happiness of everyway, everyone. The connection, the hopes. Letting my guard down, opening my walls.
"But do you feel like a young god?
You know the two of us are just young gods
And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath
And they're running, running, running again"
I opened my eyes. I needed them to feel what I felt with this song.
"He says, "Oh, baby girl, don't get cut on my edges
I'm the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon
There's a light in the crack that's separating your thighs
And if you wanna go to heaven you, should fuck me tonight"
The first shout, the first shiver, the first fear, the first tears. The weakness, the helplessness. The lies.
"And I've been sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool
For a while now, drowning my thoughts out with the sounds"
Every body was now moving with me. Felt the power as I did. The joy, the pain, the love, the loss.
"But do you feel like a young god?
You know the two of us are just young gods
And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath
And they're running, running, running
But do you feel like a young god?
You know the two of us are just young gods
And we'll be flying through the streets with the people underneath
And they're running, running, running again"
The music that flowed through me made me feel and remember everything I have hidden for so long. The memories I surpressed to let myself live. But now I'm bare and I'm not afraid anymore.
The crowd cheered as my friends got on the stage and hugged me. Suddenly, the crowds went once more on me as I felt a fire I never felt before. I needed to lwt out all that I feel, if so my music is my best flow. I decided to just let go tonight. Told the DJ another song I knew and asked Cynthia, Sym and Ciara to help me out. I know it's my alcoholic rush that are at work now, not me, but who cares, right?
I started moving to the beats, I breath in and let it out as songs.
"How can Midas put his hands on me again?
He said "one day I'd realize why I don't have any friends"
I find myself alone at night
Unless I'm havin' sex
But he can make me golden if I just showed some respect"
I let them show me love once, love is what I learnt from them. Them who knew nothing about it.
"But I don't let him touch me anymore
I said "I'm not something to butter up
And taste when you get bored
'Cause I have spent too many nights on dirty bathroom floors
To find some peace and quiet right behind a wooden door"
The feeling of touches, the feeling of letting go. The answering, the opening.
CORUS:
"He said "please don't go away"
He said "please don't go away"
I said "it's too late"
I said "it's too late"
He said "please don't go away"
He said "please don't go away"
I said "it's too late"
I said "it's too late""
It really was too late for me and them. Especially him.
"And now I can't stop thinking that I can't stop thinking
That I almost gave you everything
And now the whole thing's finished and I can't stop wishing
That I never gave you anything
You wrote 100 letters just for me
And I find them in my closet in the pockets of my jeans
Now I'm constantly reminded of the time I was 19
Every single one's forgotten in a laundromat machine"
The tears nobody ever found. The feeling hidden at the bottom of mine. The deep down bowl I always clung into, I spilled everything.
"But I don't let him touch me anymore
I said "I'm not something to butter up
And taste when you get bored
'Cause I have spent too many nights on dirty bathroom floors
To find some peace and quiet right behind a wooden door"
CORUS:
"He said "please don't go away"
He said "please don't go away"
I said "it's too late"
I said "it's too late"
He said "please don't go away"
He said "please don't go away"
I said "it's too late"
I said "it's too late""
"This is my last song, altogether." I announced as I felt the new found confidence seep through every bits of me.
Every hand started clapping on every words and beats. I set my adrenaline rush out.
"Sittin' on the counter in your kitchen
Can you hear my heartbeat fucking kickin'?
Your eyes light up 'cause you best believe that I got something up my sleeve
I walk my talk, no time for wishful thinking
I push up on my toes, you call me "sweet thing"
And breathing down your neck, your body screaming
And you thought that you were the boss tonight, but I can put up one good fight
I flip the script like I can take a beating"
I flipped my hair before sitting starting again. I knew i looked ragged but who cared now.
"And when you start to feel the rush
A crimson headache, aching blush
And you surrender to the touch, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding, oh
And when you start to look at me, a physical fatality
And you surrender to the heat, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding
This is heaven in hiding, oh" I huffed smiling.
"Sitting on the concrete in your basement
But I don't have no time for conversation
Said, "this ain't what you usually do, and a girl like me is new for you"
And I can tell you mean it 'cause you're shaking"
I slowly sat down as my body moved with the beat, I could hear nothing but the music and I stopped caring too.
"And when you start to feel the rush
A crimson headache, aching blush
And you surrender to the touch, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding, oh
And when you start to look at me, a physical fatality
And you surrender to the heat, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding
This is heaven in hiding, oh"
I danced to my own music. I have no clue where this stupid courage and shamelessness came from but for one night i wanted to feel free.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (ooh)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
"And when you start to feel the rush
A crimson headache, aching blush
And you surrender to the touch, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding, oh
And when you start to look at me, a physical fatality
And you surrender to the heat, you'll know
I can put on a show, I can put on a show
Don't you see what you're finding?
This is heaven in hiding
This is heaven in hiding
This is heaven in hiding, ohhhh"
"Oh, this is heaven in hiding
This is heaven in hiding
'Cause I'm heaven in hiding" I sighed at the end. It was quite to me at first from the ringging in the head.
When I finally stopped, my eyes met a man's eyes, letting the heat rush in me. I didn't realize I've started craving them and with my adrenaline, I felt every hit of his heat too.
Despite my bitter effort to feel nothing, I felt my new born confidence seep through making me delusional. But was it a delusion?
I blinked twice to make sure, but when the eyes never left, my whole body realized every bit of nerve that had the fear and feelings I was trying to hide made me bare open everything here. I could not look away even if I wanted to with every fiber of me. Or did I even want to look away?
"That was amazing!" I felt a shake as I turned to Nick who was grinning from ear to ear.
Then I felt my ear open up to the incredible loud cheers surrounding us. The realization that I wasn't alone in this room and had just let my feelings out through the music I kept hidden to control myself slipped through me. The long 7 years of holding back, just to hide these feelings left me and for what? Nothing.
I turned back to get one last glance at the eyes I had just met with but I found nobody waiting as I believed it was my mind's way of playing tricks on me.
When I got of the stage as people surrounding us patted me or complicated me, I blocked it all off. The comments, whistles, sexual words became a background noise.
"That was one of the best vocals I've heard live, Vivia. How'd I miss this in college?" I heard Leo say with genuine honestly that he never holds. He put his hand around my shoulder shaking me a little.
"Because she used to do it in my garage only. We even begged her to step out but she never listened." Nick replied tugging me by my waist, knowing my real reason of never coming out.
"The drinks on me guys, I'm planning on getting drunk tonight." Ciara announced as we all went over to the bar laughing at her who already seem drunk.
"I never knew you could sing so nice, Miss Vivia." I heard Sam's astonished voice behind me as I simply smiled.
"Cut the Miss, Sam. That's only at work." I winked as she laughed. Although my mind was somewhere.
Was that really my eyes playing tricks on me?
But before I even had the chance to think, I got my answer.
"Rafe?" I heard Leo's confused voice as I looked up to the few minutes ago's familiar eyes.
Yep, I'm still sane. No eye trick yet.
"Hi, guys, thanks for not inviting." He said with a perfect stright face but I saw his jaw clenching as his eyes moved to the two men's hand around me. He's fuming alright.
Leo noticed immidiately and let go moving to the side while Nick who seemed confused and had no clue who Rafe was seemed to stand exactly where he should. Although I'm happy because if he didn't I'm sure I'd fall apart now.
"I didn't invite you because your famous for ruining the day, Mr. Rafael." Cynthia pointed out as I internally thanked her.
"And you guys believe that?" He looked over to his brother and friends who all exchanged looks not darimg to reply.
But then Leo being Leo eased up and ordered a drink.
"Well, you did ruin the night yesterday and I've heard about all the beautiful dinner nights too, that you ruined. One with trying to bed Vivia, almost and second making her drop in a hospital." He replied bluntly, which his brother returned with a death glare. And obviously it didn't work as ever on Leo.
I felt Nick's hand getting stronger on me as I looked up whose forever peaceful face now had a frown on.
"No comments, Nick." I whispered slowly movimg up to the bar beside Rafael.
Following me, no one said another word and propped themselves by the other side of the bar as Ciara loosened the mood by reasoning that she thought Rafael wasn't interested in such stupid parties. Which I thought was partly right. And if he did come, as usual he'd have ruined things earlier.
"What are you doing here?" I finally asked close enough for his ear shot.
"Why, do you own the club?" He said without looking at me.
"Do you have to make a sly remark to everything? Can't you stop being rude for once and losen up?" I heard myself sigh at him.
When I thought talking with him is useless amd tried to move back to my own crowd, I felt a pull by my elbow. I turned forcefully to him as his face looked a little upset this time.
"What? What do you wa-" I tried asking but was cut off.
"I'm sorry." He let out looking deep in me. His eyes seemed to have slowly softened up as did his grip on my arms.
"For what?" I dared blinking.
"For pissing you off and disrespecting you. I don't know. Just stop being upset with me." He replied shaking his head pulling me closer.
"It's fine. Um, let go." I tried taking my hand back but failed miserably when he pulled me even closer.
"No, not as long as you have that frown on your face for me." He said slowly.
"Not everything have to be about you Rafael." I scoffed struggling but he pulled me harder.
"At least for me it is. Go on, give me the usual smile and I'll let you go." He said as I felt annoyed but finally gave in when he didn't budge at all.
"That's more like it. Although you say you don't have interest in me, dare I say I lost my grip on my control when you started singing the last song. If not for being in a club, I wouldn't have even cared and scooped you off to my house." He said chuckling to himself.
"So, does that mean I'm good or bad?" I smirked mocking him a little. Little teaaing does no harm.
"If you had sang anymore, I'd have resort to kidnapping tonight and killed every one of those men who had their eyes glued you." I let out a laugh at that.
"I lost my shit and I dare say you almost drowned me with your voice." He let out gripping me tighter. I could feel his heartbeat over by body, it was loud and clear as his words. Is it just me or it's too damn hot here?
"You didn't answer my previous question." I replied pulling away to turn down the heat.
"I, um, well, come to drink with few acquaintances. I was on tbe second floor." He replied looking up slightly. He looked a bit worried. I wonder why.
"Then why were you in between the crowds? I thought you once told me you hate crowds." I asked curiously.
"That's, you're to blame for that." He shrugged as it made me giggle a little.
"When you finished the second song, I found myself already trying to control my feet. Once you opened that annoying seductive voice on the last song, I lost it all and before I know it, I was in front of you." He mumbled almost to himself than me, like he was realizing it himself.
It really did put a smile on my face. So I guess, I do affect men a little when I sing, but affecting Rafael Sinclair is a big deal. So I do give myself few credits. This isn't new though.
Thinking back, I left my music for a certain someone who reminded me only of my nightmares. The man who never let me sing in front of others, who said singing would be only for him. A man who made me distant from my friends, a man who made me weak ans broken.
Music was once all for him. I loved him, with the little bits of feeling and softness I had left in my heart after my dreading life. I let everything go for him. But knowing now, as I relive the lines I spoke in the song, I really am happy I didn't give him everything. I'm happy I let go. I'm happy, I ran away. From all my demons and maybe even the angles too.
"Who's this, Vi?" I turned back to notice Nick comming close up to me.
"Uh, sorry, I forgot to introduce you guys. Um, Rafael, this is Nickel Holland, my childhood friend and Nick, this is Rafael Sinclair. I think you already know him. He's Leo's brother." I let out looking back and fourth between the men.
Rafael scrowled a little when I called his brother casually. I do actually want to disclose that we know eachother but Leo's been onto me to not say a word. Honestly though it's a bit fun to watch.
Leo's been almost like a brother to me too since his on going fights with Serein back in college. It used to be popcorn worthy and we all enjoyed watching those two. But Leo stopped many annoying guys hanging around us which I'm still greatful for. That's one reason why he was laughing at me since he always stumbles upon me having annoying guys around.
"I've heard about you." Nick said slowly putting out his hand which Rafael took reluctantly.
"So have I." He replied not loking away. What's with this unusual tension here?
"Um, Nick, how long will you be staying in NYC?" I asked breaking into the stare contest.
"Not sure yet, I have a seminar to attend and some meetings before I leave. Why, you want me gone already? Did I annoy you too much, babe?" He smirked as I hit him. I could feel Rafael's eyes all over us.
"Shut up, I asked because I haven't seen you in NY in years." I replied honestly.
"That's because you never noticed or cared. Sad for me though, I wasn't missed while I ached for you." He said dramatically as I rolled my eyes.
"Yea, sure." I said scarcasticly. Like he doesn't know why I avoided him.
"What do you do?" I heard Rafael ask smoothly.
"I own a multi-branch tec company, Holland Tect." He replied as I remembered his dad's company.
"You run it by youself?" I heard again as I turned to Rafael who was literally had no emotion on his face.
"Yea, well, it's the very reason I was with Vivia in college. I needed the proper degree to run the place. We completed the same semesters." He replied nudging me as I did back.
"Make sense." Rafael mumbled ordering a drink.
"Hey, can I speak with you for a sec?" Nick whispered as I nodded.
"Rafael, I'll be right back." I said nodding at Leo who joined him.
Rafael looked at us like we're his worst enemies right now. He was fine moments ago, what's up with him now.
Walking a little away and out of their eye's shot, Nick flipped surprising me.
"What the hell's this all about, Vi?" He asked the question I was trying to avoid.
"What?" I asked slowly.
"Don't what me! You know exactly what I meant. I heard everything from Cynthia" He said leaning against the wall.
That damn snitch.
"Yea, so I may be going out with him, a little." I replied honestly.
"A little? He makes the cover page as a damn player every month. He was practically drolling on you there. And don't take me for Cynthia, Vi. I know you and I know when you accept a guy and look at him holding back like that. You're extremely careful around him. Some might think you're quiet by nature and so you're just being nice. But that's a bluff. You hold back when you're thinking through to every move like a plan." He theorized everything like it's obvious. This is one reason I started avoiding him. He could read me like a book.
"What makes you think that?" I asked a stupid question he just answered to.
"Don't twist word to get out, Vi. What the hell is going on between you two? And don't give me the dating shit. You don't date." He said huffing.
"You might have known me back then and true, I never dated. But you haven't see me in years, Nick. Why won't I date now?" I asked crossing my arms.
"Because I see a distant fear in you when you look at him. You know very well, Vi. Years may have passed but you can't hide what you feel with a stright face to me. I've learnt to read that since ages ago. Now spill, what's up?" He asked more forcefully this time.
How I wish I could tell you.
I know if I tell him, he'll offer to help and to be honest, I don't need Rafael to pull up my company since I have enough people who will help me. But it's not just about the pull up. It's also about the traitors infesting my company. He knows this and that's why Rafael is so confident in approaching me. And deep down I also know my help in getting his shares in S.S is not the only thing he wants. But I also want to know what he knows about me and how much. Although I do hope I'm not making a mistake trusting him.
"Nick, it's nothing. Okay, fine. We're not exactly a dating couple. We met for a project and got interested in eachother. Decided we might as well go out and you know help eachother. It will help with the publicity as well as connections. You're right though, I don't date." I lied through my teeth and shrugged to make it believable. He knows me too well but I still know myself better.
"I don't know, Vi. I get the feeling there's something more. I don't like him." He mumbled looking away.
"Why? He's not all bad you know. He's a bit jealous type, true, glaring as he did. All men are. And he may have a bit temper issue and ego that I very much hate. But he's an interesting guy and we click a lot as long as he doesn't annoy me. Plus, he's never been potentially rude to me. His words are a bit harsh but he kept himself in check. Always." I replied closing in to make myself believe more than him.
"This is exactly what I fear, Vi. You always see the good in everyone. You never notice the other parts. And then you get hurt. You've been hurt too many times and every bloody times I've failed to protect you. I just don't want to see you hurt." He said closing in tracing my cheeks.
"I know, Nick. But why do you think he can hurt me? Look at me, I'm not that small girl anymore and neither am I as naive." I smiled.
"Sure," he scoffed making me frown.
"He just making me remember how you were with him, Vi. I cannot see you like that again." He said seriously as I let him go.
I took a deep breath and looked directly at him while replying,
"I will never be like that again, Nick. Never again. I don't think with heart like I did back then. You know this too. I closed that chapter of mine 6 years ago. I may not be smart or may not read people easily but I dare say I cannot be hurt like that ever again. I will not let anyone hurt me like that. Make me feel like shit again. Ever."
"I just hope your right, Vi. I trust you. So I'll just believe him too. But I really do hope one day you fall in love. Just you know, be at peace with everything." He said smiling sadly.
"I know, Nick. Thanks. I don't know how'd I have survived without you and Cyn." I said leaning on his chest.
"Well, I'm back. And if he hurts you, I'll knock him out cold and into a hospital since you wouldn't like me being in jail. Otherwise he'd be dead." He winked.
"Maybe I'll break you out of jail." I smirked.
"Atta girl!" He said hi-fiving me.
When we got back, Rafael was arguably angry at Leo who had an absolute perfect smirk on him.
Aw, what did he do now?
"Hey, look who's back!" He said noticing us.
"What did you do again, Leo?" I asked slowly closing in.
"Trust me, nothing for you to qorry about." He winked as he passed a beer to Nick. When did these two click so much?
"Hey Rafael?" I stopped as Rafael turned to Nick who was leaving with Leo, looking surprised as I am while I prayed for nothing to come out of Nick's mouth.
"Take care of our babe." He smirked as I closed my eyes and cursed. I could hear Leo's loud laughter as I felt Rafael's eyes on me.
"We're leaving after dinner." He said as I instantly opened my eyes.
"What? Why?" I asked surprised.
"Because I said so." He said slamming him glass down.
"Why do you think I'll go with you?" I asked pissed by his tone.
"Do you have to argue with me at everything? Just say yes for once, I'm not going to kidnap you for God's sake. You got hounds of frineds who'd go after me. And it looks like you your friend's bought off mine's too." He replied woth a frustrated groan.
Aw, is he upset, I stole his friends? Well, technically I didn't. Cynthia did.
"Fine, just this once though." I let out as I notice a smirk grace him lips but he instantly wipes it when I turn to him.
"Just This Once." I warned again to which he just hums, hiding his snile on his drink. I just simply had a urge to roll my eyes.
Agh, men.