Back to high school...I just healed. Little did I know there was so much more to come. I started to carry a smile with me wherever I went. I tried laughing and tried to make those laugh that needed it. It was my junior year I decided I wanted to peruse a relationship. I was looking for something out of a movie. I didn't really care for anyone though, I tried talking to some people and it just wasn't working out. It was that night a friend I met asked me to come to a football game with him and another kid we knew. Football games were never really my scene. I didn't care much for the game but I liked the environment and the crowd cheering, the smell of popcorn and the cold air. So I decided I'd meet them their, I grabbed a hoodie and my keys and left. That night we were taking photos for my friends film class with a old film camera. He let me carry it around my neck and decided I could use the last 20 pictures worth of film. When we were walking past the bleachers to the concession stands I heard someone yell my name. It was an acquaintances old girlfriend, I bumped into her the other night previous and had a embracing encounter. She was holding the door during the schools open house as part of some club credit. We started talking and I didn't know her too well but she was funny and cute but I didn't want to over step. Me being the awkward person I am I talked to her while walking out and we joked and laughed and I left. It was in my car when I realized I forgot my backpack and had to awkwardly walk back in again. So much for crushing it but on the way in I explained it and she giggled. It took me by surprise when I heard her call my name. It wasn't till I got home that I realized she started following me on Instagram. I looked for her account before this but couldn't find it, I figured it wasn't a coincidence and decided to message her. A few weeks go by and we go to a football game together than to a movie and after I ask her to homecoming. We started dating and we had our first kiss which was absolutely amazing. The feeling of her lips on mine took my breath away, under the stary sky's. We started dating in October(4/19/19). At the time of this (7/29/20) we broke up a few days ago, she went to her fathers for the summer and things were going good. She left to a summer camp for a week she wasn't allowed her phone there so I sent a letter in, I sprayed alittle bit of the cologne she loved in hopes to make her smile. It turned out she didn't get it. I copied it in case she didn't but she didn't seem interested in reading it. Something was wrong. Two days later were both now single. She wants to rediscover God in a better relationship and grow and I would just get in the way. Throughout our relationship I discover and learned so much. I went with her to church, first time in years it felt peaceful. Listening to k-love in the car and getting coffee at our favorite spot awhile town away. I grow more into my faith everyday. I grew so happy with her that I forgot about being happy on my own for who I am. But our relationship wasn't always about God and I pulled her away from that. I didn't have the religious upbringing she had but none the less I want to learn from her and grow from her. Even now I wish to discover my faith in a new light. I wish to go to church more and become a better person. I am happy on my own the tears dried after the first night of being alone because I'm not alone, I have the Lord guiding me. But I can't help but think about her. I've been working an incredible amount of work and thoughts fill my head while I'm there and 60% of them are you. What we had wasn't what it needed to be. But I think it could be. I want to start a new relationship centered around God. I want to become a positive person like you. I want to be like that. I keep getting this feeling in my chest that what we had isn't meant to end here. You said you wanted a year to grow. I could wait forever for you. But I can't help but feel you're not going to be growing over that year you're going to be teaching yourself to forget about me and that's not growing. It's trying to forget about me because I couldn't be our safety net. But I want you to come back and judge me based off the person I am now. I want you to come back and look me in the eyes and tell me you don't think we could successfully have what you want. We could grow a relationship in the eyes of the Lord that we both grow from. I prayed everyday about you while you were gone this summer and even before. If God didn't want us together I think it would be more clear but this feeling I keep getting in my chest tells me otherwise. I can't help but feel like God has other plans for us and even if you don't I can't ignore this feeling. You told me not to reach out to you because I'm your 'weakness'. I think we could become each others greatest strengths. So while I promised not to reach out to you, you promised me you'd read this, so I will tell you everything I need to here and now. I would wait years for you Abby. I am in love with you, actual love please don't ignore that. If you come back and give me one shot we could be your happiest dream. I could drive us to church on Sundays and we could get coffee and fun stuff and just be the children we are. You said you want to spend your last year in high school being a kid and enjoying life. I'm on my first year of college but I'm in the exact same situation. I'm not ready to begin adulting. So come back on the 22nd and test me, see the us that we could be, the life we will have this next year. I ask for one more year of this. You say you need to quarantine when you get back but I will wear a hazmat suit to the airport if I need to. Please Abby. I will give you everything trust in me. Trust in God. Trust in my undying love and you will have everything you want. Let's at least talk more about this please. If you made it this far reach out to me, I'm not upset or mad or hurt, I'm empathetic and I feel bad for what I caused, what we caused but we can end this story with a happier ending I promise just trust in me.