I felt like my world was in a continual spiral, and no matter how hard I tried to get it to stop, it just kept spinning out of control. That night was no different. I made plans in my head about how to get out of the house without my mother noticing. She and I made our usual small talk that day. I helped her wash the dishes, and then she spent the rest of her night as usual: needlessly cleaning an area of the house that did not need it until she wore herself out. Then she would quietly retire to her bedroom, where she would pretend not to cry herself to sleep. That had been our horrid routine ever since she had kicked my father out of the house. I pretended not to notice her bloodshot eyes every morning. I knew how much she wanted to be strong for me. When nine o'clock rolled around, my mother had long since escaped to her room, she had kissed me on the cheek and quietly walked upstairs to her room. I hadn't told her what had happened earlier that day at school, not because I was ashamed of my outburst, although looking back, it was not my proudest moment, but I knew my mother had enough on her mind. She did not need me adding to the list of things she had to worry about.
I watched the time carefully, and when it was a little more than half-past nine, I quietly grabbed my coat and crept out the back door. It led to a small alley that would take me directly to the main street. I made sure to remain as close to the buildings as I could. I hid myself in the shadows but walked with purpose. A few patrols passed me, but each time I was able to hide behind a building or fence. Town square was small, but it was a hub of activity at night. People were leaving bars drunk, and officers were roaming the streets. I wasn't sure why John would ask me to meet him in such a public place, especially after curfew.
As I slowly approached the square, I eyed the surrounding area for soldiers. Surprisingly there was no one around, this made my body ease a bit, but I remained alert. I looked down at my wristwatch: I was only a few minutes early. It would have been too dangerous to stand directly in the middle of Town Square, so I hid behind the bakery. The bakery faced the square so I could see anyone that approached. Suddenly a hand clasped over my mouth, and I screamed in reaction.
"Shhh! Beth, it's me!" I instantly heard John's voice, relaxed, and then I spun around and punched him in the shoulder.
"What are you doing?" I whispered angrily at him.
"Follow me," He said, grabbing my hand and pulling me around the back of the bakery. All the downtown buildings were pressed against a hill that, if climbed over, would lead into a thick forest that one could get easily lost in. The backs of the buildings blended together except for the small separating allies between a few of them. John led me down the small space between the buildings and the hill, which eventually brought us to the other end of town. We stayed low and quiet, until finally we approached a back door, but I couldn't tell which building it was. John was breathing heavily, and I couldn't quite tell if it was from exertion or fear.
"Beth, listen to me," John spoke quietly but firmly, "You cannot tell anyone about what I am about to show you. I am risking everything by showing you this, do you understand?"
"I don't even know where we are," I said anxiously.
"I know. In case you don't want to be a part of this, I had to keep the location a secret. Once you walk inside, Beth, you cannot say a word to anyone about what you've seen here tonight."
"What have you done?" I asked, fear taking full control of my whole body.
"You can turn back now, just tell me you want to leave, and I will take you home. We can forget about the whole thing." John said desperately.
"John!" I exclaimed in frustration, and he placed a hand quickly over my mouth again in reflex, I bit him in response.
"Ouch!" He yelped.
"What are you hiding? Show me now." I said, getting a grip over my emotions.
John rubbed his hand and smiled a bit, "Okay, follow me." We walked in through the back door and entered into a dark room. I could hardly see what was in front of me, but I followed closely behind John, who had clearly been here many times before. I hit the corner of something and tried not to make any noise. I quickly realized we were in the main office of the town's newspaper. Desks lined the large open room, papers were strewn everywhere, and the smell of paper and ink wafted through the open space. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I grew more confused with every step I took.
I grabbed John's arm and asked, "Why are we here?"
"Just wait," He said, taking my hand in his as he continued to lead. We walked through the large open workspace where there were separate offices all along the sides. There was a big staircase that led to a balcony that held books and files that seemed to line the walls. I had never actually been inside the newspaper building. Mother said that once the war had started, it only printed government propaganda, but my father had read the paper religiously every morning.
I did not know the people who ran the newspaper, only that it was run by the Siegfried family. They had been a founding family of Ort der Hoffnung and were well respected around town. Mr. Gerhard Siegfried Sr. was a paranoid old man who had been friends with Mr. Becker in their youth. They were an upper-class family. They had money when no one had money, and they had the prestige that only a few others had in Ort der Hoffnung. My father had only reached their level of recognition once the war had started, and he was named a hero for saving the town's pride.
John walked me into a storeroom and opened the door. He turned and scanned the room and then began to move things around. He closed the door behind me, and then he seemed to move the storeroom wall. My eyes grew large with shock when suddenly a dark hall appeared before us that seemed to lead to nowhere. John led me into the dark corridor and quickly slid the door closed behind us. We crept down the very narrow hall and then walked down two steps into an almost cave-like room. It was damp and stuffy, and the air was stale. I coughed and then suddenly, as though with magic, a light flickered on, and I saw dozens of faces appear. My eyes grew large with horror and amazement. I could not grasp at that moment what I was seeing: all I knew was that at least a dozen people were staring back at me with equal shock and horror. "John," I whispered low and close to his ear, "Where are we?"
"Someplace safe, for now," John replied cautiously.
"What have you done?" a voice echoed through the floor with such authority, it made me flinch. A woman appeared behind us, she was in her nightgown and held a single candle in her hand. She blew out the small flame and quickly approached us, eyeing us with so much intensity I wondered if she would kill us.
"Rosemarie," John said, steadily putting out a hand in defense "This is-" She cut him off.
"Beth Schmidt, I know." The woman said, standing uncomfortably close to me.
She was tall and beautiful, and her eyes were a piercing blue. I had seen her before, she was a society lady. I had watched her from afar as a small child. I had always wished to be as beautiful as she was. I had seen men fall at her feet with a single glance or smart remark.
She was nearly John's height in her bare feet, which was surprising considering how tall he was. She was nearing her mid-forties but still held a youth and elegance that every woman longed for. Even in the state she was in standing before us, her beauty was undeniable.
"What is she doing here?" Rosemarie asked; John slipped in-between us like a wall.
"She wants to help, and I think she could do a great deal for the cause," John said with one of his sincere smiles.
"No," She said without even blinking, "Get her out now," She said, and, glaring at me, she turned to leave.
"Wait!" I exclaimed, taking a step out from behind John, "What is happening here?" I demanded in an attempt to sound confident.
Rosemarie looked around at the questioning, obviously petrified faces that surrounded us and sighed. I knew she knew that her cover was blown as far as it came to me. I had already seen too much, and her choice was to either kill me, or be honest. I was somewhat afraid that she would decide in favor of the first option. She looked at John and then back at me, clearly taking her time to consider her options.
"She can help, Rose," John said with pleading in his voice. I was surprised when he called her Rose. Clearly, there was a relationship between them that lent itself to a first-name basis.
She rubbed the space between her eyes and curled her hands into fists, and in one swift movement, she punched John square in the face without even flinching. Everyone in the room gasped. Rose had taken John by surprise and had caused him to take a step backward where he tripped and topple to the floor. I quickly moved to his side, where he fell. He rubbed his jaw, clearly surprised by the act, and yet with some level of acceptance.
"Stop it!" I yelled, moving in between Rose and John.
"It's okay, Beth," John said with a small groan.
"You have put everyone in this room in danger, do you understand that?" Rosemarie said with rage in her voice.
"I won't tell anyone, I swear!" I exclaimed.
"Rose, I would never have brought her here if I thought she could not be trusted. If you trust me, you can trust her," John said, moving his jaw around gingerly.
Rosemarie eyed us carefully, "Then you should have spoken with me about this first!"
"I know, I'm sorry," John said.
"You have no idea what you have done, and you," she turned her attention back to me, "have no clue what you have just walked into."
"I honestly don't, but if someone would explain it to me, I might be able to decide for myself what my next move should be," I said, standing up straight and making sure my gaze never left Rose's. I tried to look brave but could still feel my hands shaking as I tried to regain some control over my voice.
John stood up, messaging his jaw, "Listen, I know I should have talked to you first. I was afraid you would say no, and this way, Beth has already seen too much, so now you have no choice but to tell her what we're doing here." John said firmly.
"You do not get to call the shots here!" Rose roared, "People's lives are at stake here, John, don't you see that? Or have you just completely forgotten what's at risk here?"
"I have not forgotten what we are risking!" John shot back then took a deep breath and said, "But Beth could be an asset for us, think of all the information she could acquire. We could use all the help we can get Rose, and I trust Beth. With my life." John said, trying to use his calm voice to ease some of the tension.
Rose eyed me carefully. She looked like she had the power to bring hellfire down on all of us. She eventually took a breath and sat down in a chair next to the entrance of the small cave-like room.
"Fine," She conceded.
John turned to me, "Rose is helping get some of the Jews out of Germany. The Gestapo runs this paper, but Rose gets outside information on what is actually happening with the war through my father. He sends a coded letter, I decode them, and Rosemarie sets up transportation depending on my father's intel, and Mr. Siegfried. There are organizations just like this one all over Europe."
"Really?" I said with disbelief at everything I just heard, "And Mr. Siegfried knows about all this too?" I said wide-eyed and beyond disoriented.
"Mr. Siegfried Sr, My father in law, was more than just a paranoid old man," Rosemarie chimed in "He predicted something like the Great War would happen again. He built tunnels leading out of this place into the woods, not necessarily for this purpose, but when my husband and I realized what was happening in Poland, we knew we had to be prepared, so we agreed to use these tunnels to get people out of Germany."
"But, isn't Mr. Siegfried part of the Gestapo? My father is well acquainted with him." I offered, questioning any facts I thought I knew.
"My husband is a cunning man who is well-liked and well respected amongst the Nazi officials. He hides in plain sight, and keeps attention off of our paper and us. Of course, our paper is still properly edited and watched by the Gestapo, but less harshly. He also helps in gathering information on the movements and whereabouts of many of the higher-ranking officers roaming this town."
"He's a spy," I blurted without thinking.
"Mr. Siegfried gets us into the Ghetto in the neighboring town. We sneak people out and bring them here," John added.
"How?" I asked.
"Mr. Siegfried has some business with a few of the officers that run the Ghetto. He offers to clean what he can of the place by disposing of bodies. The Ghettos are so full of dead and rotting bodies that it's often too much for the few officers that are there to dispose of, so they agreed without much hesitation," John answered.
"Fools," Rose added.
"We hide a few living amongst the dead, and then we bury the dead and save the living," John said mournfully.
I thought I would throw up, my stomach twisted and turned. My head spun with confusion and excitement. "How long have you been doing this?" I asked John.
"Just a few months," John said, eyeing me cautiously.
"So, now what?" Rose asked, standing and walking towards me, "You think you can help? Or at least keep your mouth shut? Because if you even whisper about what we're doing outside these walls, you'll be dead before the Gestapo can get to you."
"I can help," I said firmly, "What do you need?"